Almost-Grown: How to Keep the Faith

Maybe your child is about to graduate. Or already away at college or on their own.

Or maybe you just want to get ready now for what’s to come later.

“Let the children come” (Matthew 19:14) isn’t just for your little ones.

Help your children of all ages continue coming to the Lord.

How can you assist their transition from pizza party youth groups to an authentic working faith of their own?

Not by old strategies. What worked at nine won’t work when they’re nineteen. You no longer choose their bedtime Bible stories. You can’t drag them to Sunday school each week. No more gold stars for Bible chapters read.

So what can you do to help your older children stay in the Word?

HERE ARE 8 GUIDELINES:

Read the rest here

* * *

What advice would you give parents of college-age children?

What’s a struggle you’re having or anticipating for that age?

What helped (or hindered!) your faith after you turned 18?

I’m writing at Do Not Depart today. Please join me there.

Sticky note advice

We’re a sticky note family.

So when each family was told they’d have two minutes at graduation last Saturday to present their child’s diploma and say a few words, Jeff thought of our sticky notes.

Because how can you sum up thirteen years of homeschooling in two minutes?

You can’t.

So we look forward.

And tacked three sticky notes of advice for the future on Jenna’s diploma. 

1. Prioritize your relationship with Jesus above all else.

2. Learn well so you can love others well.

3. Call Mom and Dad! :-) We love you!

…One thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13-14

* * *

Any sticky notes on your mirrors too?

Mothers...Remember Joshua 1:9

His final words to his family catch my attention.

“Remember Joshua 1:9.”

I've already been trying to remember them all week.
It is this week’s memory verse, mine and Jenna's.
A mother and her daughter.

Now I notice them anew.

Derrick Mason, 37-years-old, was about to die.
By a lethal injection of drugs into his veins.
These are the words he was leaving for his mama Thursday night:
Joshua 1:9.

His mom's words, as she watches?
“Take him, Jesus.”

---

Have I not commanded you?

Be strong and courageous.

Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed,
for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.
~ Joshua 1:9

---

Another mother, the mother of Angela Cagle, is also watching.
Angela was murdered by Derrick 17 years earlier.

Her mom’s words?
“We will miss Angie until we see her in heaven..ripped from our lives but never from our hearts.”

---

Have I not commanded you?

Be strong and courageous.

Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed,
for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.
~ Joshua 1:9

---

Today I meet a daughter. She asks me to paint a heart on her arm. In the center she wants “MOM.” She says, “I’ll surprise her. She’s right over there!”

I look.
It is her foster mother.

---

Have I not commanded you?

Be strong and courageous.

Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed,
for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.
~ Joshua 1:9

---

Another daughter today is having her 8th birthday. She is also at our event with a foster mom. Her biological mom lives in New York. She said she sees her twice a year.

I don’t ask if her mom has called to say, “Happy Birthday.” 
I don’t want to hear, “No.”

---

Have I not commanded you?

Be strong and courageous.

Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed,
for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.
~ Joshua 1:9

---

I am a mother.
I have daughters.
What can I say?
I'm memorizing Joshua 1:9.

---

Have I not commanded you?

Be strong and courageous.

Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed,
for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.
~ Joshua 1:9

---

* * *

5 lessons from Daddy

It’s Father’s Day #2 without my father here.

I continue to miss him.

But his lessons linger on.

My older sister bought this book for my dad 14 years ago. He typically didn’t like these type things, but thankfully he did fill out several pages.

Here are five life lessons from Daddy
that I don’t want to forget:

1. Face up 
     Seek to face directly anything that you don’t understand and seek an answer.

2. Carefully trust  
     Treat everyone as if they are honest but always protect yourself.

3. Expect storms 
      Be realistic in the events of life; not all will be pleasant.

4. Life is short 
      Life is but a vapor and sometimes ascends high into the sky but sometimes vanishes near the earth.

5. Seek light
      Always look for the light at the end of the tunnel even if it is the end of life’s journey.

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for the earthly father you let me learn from and love.

[reprinted from the archives]

What life lesson did you learn from your dad?

Does it ever change?

I’m watching the tale of two pregnancies.

One is a young first-time mother.

She is very excited. The room decorations are up and the tiny baby girl clothes are washed and hung. She has the name and the love all ready for her daughter’s arrival.

The other is a second-time mother.

She is very anxious. Once her baby is born, he likely will die. Or so the doctors predict. He’s sick. But she also has a name and a love ready for her baby’s arrival. And possible departure.

I relate to both.
Although neither young mom may understand I understand.

I remember when Kali grew sick inside me and then died after birth, unable to breathe our earth-air. I’d be told of older ladies who had lost children too.

But what could they know of my pain? Back in their day, they often didn’t even mention infant death.

Could they understand my pain?

I found out when I talked to them.
The tears in their eyes answered yes. 
Of course they knew.
The love of a parent doesn’t change with generation or time.

Neither does its pain. 

Even though it’s been 17 years since I last saw Kali, the years are irrelevant. I still wonder what she would have looked like at each age, how she would have processed life, what her favorite foods would have been.

How it would have felt to hold her hand.

Some things don’t change.

The age of the parent doesn’t matter.
The age of the child doesn’t matter.
Love matters.

God is love.
God matters.

The Father holds my daughter’s hand.
He holds mine.
He holds the hands of both young mothers that I’m watching.

And their tiny children’s hands.
Here or there.

The love is ready.
The love is alive.
That will never change.

* * *
If you’d like, please join me in praying for both young mothers and families as due dates approach for their sweet babies.

When you wonder if you know what you’re doing

When she was turned five that June, she seemed so small and so young and I couldn’t see sending her off to school all day.

Not just yet.

So one year. Just one year. Let’s homeschool for kindergarten.

We did it. God blessed it. It was the year Jenna was born and we used the flexibility and togetherness and sister-bonding-with-sister time.

So one more year, God? Okay.

1st grade.
Turned into 2nd.
Then 3rd. 
...12th.

And before I knew what happened,
she graduated from college.

Yesterday.

But wasn’t it just yesterday
that we
started
this adventure???Did we know what we were doing way back when?

No. Definitely not.

But did God? Yes. Definitely yes.

Even when you can’t see the grand picture, he guides you in the freeze-frame.

In this step. During this day. For his reasons.

If that’s all the picture he’s revealing, trust him with the rest. He will lead you where he wants you to go, even when he’s the only one who knows where that is.

So don’t worry if you can’t see too far into the future. Relinquish control of the outcome. Just walk one step forward on your journey. Today’s step.

God is always up to something good.

Even when you don’t know what you’re doing,
God does.

* * *

What is God calling you to do today that you’re unsure about?

RELATED:

• The empty spaces
• What I want for my daughters
• Can I quit now?
• Five favorites of homeschooling

Refined by grace through relationships

Loving and being loved isn’t confined to a single human relationship.

Or lack thereof.

I was incredibly blessed to be loved by a godly mother.
I am abundantly grateful to get to mother two daughters.
And I thank God for the awesome mother-in-law he’s given me.

Yes, each of these relationships shape me in their own way.
I feel the giving and receiving of love in each.

But our earthly relationships shouldn’t confine us,
or define us, 
but refine us.

Lord,
     Use the people in our lives as opportunities to grow in love. 
     Let our times together be filled with grace.
     Open our hearts to seek you among parents, children, friends, neighbors.
     You are in our midst everywhere. Loving and letting us love. We honor you as Father.

 
* * *

Mother’s Day brings mixed emotions for many.
I pray you feel God’s grace flowing in you and out of you in each relationship.

How is God refining you through your relationships on this day?

RELATED:

• Letters from my mom
• Supermom?
• Does today count?

Letters from my mom

I’m trying not to panic.
But I can’t find them!
The originals.

But I do have a copy, even of the outer envelope that says:Letters from my mom.
She wrote them from September 1988 through June 2002.

She started them prior to an airplane trip with my dad. She wanted to leave each of us kids comforting words if anything bad happened. It didn’t. But she kept up the practice of secretly writing us letters anyway and storing them away.

She not only met our needs in the moment, but she was looking ahead to meet them later too.

Because that’s the kind of mother she was.

We didn’t know about the letters until last spring. My brother discovered them when we were taking care of Mama in her house after Daddy died. We each had our own envelope.

Because she was falling deeper into Alzheimer’s so quickly by then, I felt justified in not waiting until her death to open my envelope. Part of Mama had already died; I wanted to read now what the old Mama had to say so I could love this new Mama even more while I could.

But would she notice if I took the letters and would that upset her? I wasn’t sure. So I snuck the letters out, brought them home and made copies, then took them back to her house.

And read them.

Oh my.

There were eight. Some were written to mark significant times in my life:

• After my first husband left, she wrote:
  “I’ve hurt all along with you. Some things we never understand. …You are a beautiful person and I have no doubt that you’ll find a man who will love and appreciate you and your sweet, smiling Morgan. I’m proud of you and I love you.”
• After my baby Kali died:
  “I hope I live to see you get through the grieving to the point you can smile without that pain in your eyes. I still grieve that Kali couldn’t live and do the things the other grandchildren do & to know her & share times with her.”

She wrote some letters during ordinary times:

• “Just want you to know that I love you and am still proud of you and so thankful for Jeff being such a loving husband and father.”

But all spoke to giving us comfort after she died:

• By the way, I have no fear because I have a Savior that is with me thru it all even until and after death.
• Don’t grieve over me too long. Be happy, thinking happy thoughts because I’m going to heaven.
• I’m ready to die when my time comes. …I feel safe and I don’t want you grieving a lot. I’m going to heaven & I expect to see you there.

What a mom. She used her life to also take care of me after her death.

And I want to continue honoring her even after her death.

Like the letters, I can’t put my hands on the original of my mom either. I’ll keep looking for the letters, but I don’t have to keep looking for my mom.

I haven’t lost her.

I know exactly where she is. And I still hear her telling me:

Yes, Mama, it will be wonderful to all be together in heaven some day.
I’ll see you there.

I love you, too,
Lisa

* * *

If you’re a parent, are you leaving anything for your kids after you’re gone?

Who’s in charge of the beauty?

One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple.
Psalm 27:4

Nobody told me.

I didn’t know when I got married that I was going to be responsible for this.

I knew to expect the routine: housekeeping; kids; meals.

But beauty?

I suppose intuitively I knew it, somewhere deep down, that women are often in charge of the “pretty things” in a home. Women are usually the ones who buy the knick-knacks, decorate for the holidays, pick out pictures for the wall.

And I guess I can, but beyond the minimal basics, well, I think I’m missing a gene. I still haven’t hung curtains (or even blinds) on my living room windows. All my shoes and all my clothes fit easily on my one side of the closet. And my favorite wall art is simple photos of my kids.

And I have no problem with that. I’m utilitarian. 

But to check if I was missing something, a few years back I bought The Hidden Art of Homemaking, a small paperback by Edith Schaeffer (Francis’ wife), published in 1985.

What did I discover?

I wasn’t missing anything after all. Sure, I could kick it up a notch (okay, SEVERAL notches) according to the “interior decoration” chapter, and maybe the “clothing” and even “food” chapters.

But, hey, artistic expression is as individual as we are, and even though my expression may not be as traditional as some, God did put it in me in his own unique way.

• Isn’t knowledge a beautiful thing? I keep my home filled with books on whatever subject you need.
• Memories are beautiful. I am a curator of times past through photos (and one day I’ll get them all scrapbooked—maybe?)
• I make sure our Family Journal gets written in periodically by each member of the family.
• I encourage beauty in my daughters through their artistic gifts of photography and ballet and drama and writing and cooking and flower-arranging and music, and a million other creative knacks they have.
• There’s a certain beauty in loving a man well. Do I succeed? I can’t say. But I know I try.
• While my daily prayers may not be visibly (or even audibly) beautiful, I like to think they’re beautiful to the Father, and maybe to those I’m interceding for.

Beauty isn’t necessarily about what can be seen. Or even what can be captured.

But when we do recognize beauty, each in our own way, we can praise the ultimate Designer. He is responsible for it all. 

And that is a beautiful thing.

* * *

Who is responsible for the pretty things in your home?

What I want for my daughters

I want your work to fulfill you, but not consume you.

I want you happy, but only remain there if you’re holy.

I want tears to flow unhindered, but to always have an end.

I want you to receive grace, but turn it around and give it away.

I want you to know the love of a man, not to complete you, but to complement you.

I want “Mommy! I wuv you!” ringing in your ears, but you still bring the sound to grandma’s.

I want laughter to be your specialty, but joy of the Lord be your strength.

I want your body strong and healthy, but used up for His service.

I want you to love your life, but only because Jesus centers it.

I want you to feel passionately, but you to channel it godly.

I want your friendships deep, but not dependent.

I want you to know God with no but’s...

…so you can live
full-force and
all-out and
exuberantly and
tenderly,

for His glory
for His glory
for His glory.

If not for His glory,
you’ll
have
missed
it
all.

Please, Lord. 
Give what You want.
All for Your glory.

* * *

What do you pray for your children?

Family math

I know I was a factor.
Jeff was too.

Our product?

~Jenna~

16 years old today!

I thank God for multiplying the joy in our family by adding Jenna to it. She’s brought us laughter, excitement, maturity...and exponents of love.

Many factors go into raising a family.
   * Decisions to make.
   * Activities to choose.
   * Friendships to nurture.

The only way to survive whole is through prayer. Without God in the equation, how could parents do it well?

Because for every multiplication fact, there are two possible divisions facts. The divisors are numerous: selfishness, laziness, lust, pride,....
We need God’s grace to subtract them out.

What you do and say has an effect not only on you, but also on the product you create.

Never underestimate the power of factors on your products.

Be wise.
Choose God.
Pray often.

And thank him for the way he multiplies!

Happy Birthday, Jenna!

I love you!

* * *

What product do you want your marriage to create?

RELATED:

• Does it add up?
• All because of a stupid math problem
• Fun at 15
• Lent math

My biggest parenting challenge

Trial is one of the main tools God uses to mature and complete us.

We cannot give in to thinking that difficulty comes because God is absent or passive. He is in the difficulty, using it as an instrument of maturity (James 1:2-8).

My biggest parenting challenge isn’t my child; it’s me.Age of Opportunity is my all-time favorite parenting book. Because it’s not just about the kids, it’s also about the parents.

Paul David Tripp focuses on changing the heart, not just the behavior. Of the child. And of the parent.

He reminds me to check my own heart as I seek opportunities to help my children grow in godliness.

The problems that our teenagers bring home are an intrusion on our desires and plans for our lives. We tend to get angry, not because they are messing up their own lives, but because they are messing up ours.

We get captivated by our own plan, and we tend to lose sight of God’s.

We begin to think of our children as agents for our happiness, rather than remembering that we are called to be God’s agents of growth in godliness for them.

…If we are ever consistently going to see problems as opportunities, we need to begin with humble confession of our selfishness to the Lord.

Tripp gives lots of practical ways to partner with your teen to engage them and you in Christ-like character growth:

1. Don’t wait around passively for your teenager to talk to you
2. Don’t settle for non-answers
3. Be positive
4. Lovingly expose faulty thinking without making your teen feel stupid
5. Become a partner in struggle by sharing your own struggles
6. Always point your teenager to Christ
7. Prepare your child to deal with culture in biblical ways
8. Model the character of Christ

He reminds you to remind yourself of your own struggle with sin.

You’re a sinner. Don’t act surprised at your teenager’s struggle with sin.

...You should expect war. You should come to your relationship with your teenager armed for war, not with him, but with the true enemy (see Eph. 6).

If you are honest about your own experience, you will recognize that the battle with sin still rages within you.

He ends the book with small steps that can lead to big change for both you and your child:

• Never give in to thinking it is too late
• Stay calm
• Demonstrate how the Bible interprets life
• Be willing to bare your own struggle
• Identify the voices in your teenager’s life
• Plan for temptation
• Make accountability your teenager’s responsibility
• Be a good listener and a good observer
• Be willing to overlook minor offenses
• Always deal honestly with your own attitudes
• Expect, welcome, and respect differences
• Look for opportunities to put your teenager in the decision-making role
• Humbly admit your limits

Bottom line, stay focused on growing the character of Christ in both your teen and in you. It’s a win-win.

We do not want to settle for being fruit pickers when we can be root diggers. Lasting change in our teenagers always begins at the level of the heart.

Not just your child’s heart. Your heart, too.

* * *

Related:

• What I want for me, I want for her
• Mama’s advice
• 4 traits of committed teens (& parents)
• 3 words every parent should say daily
• God’s parenting style

What do books reveal about you?

We collected books as we collected years.
They shaped character, formed memories.

And helped us discover personalities. 

Books can do that. They reveal much about a person.

When Jenna avoided Curious George and Peter Rabbit, we knew she was uncomfortable with conflict and characters who disobeyed. She still wants everybody to get along and do right.

Morgan loved books on animals. Her collection of horse books and dog books quickly outgrew her shelves. Any wonder that even as a college student living in a trailer she’s already owned a horse and two dogs? Pop-up books were among our favorites to read.
Books that moved. That allowed participation. That invited surprising wonders.

I like to think that’s how we still live.
Moving and growing.
Participating and doing.
Surprised anew by God’s wonders.

* * *

What do your books reveal about you?

Related:

• What to Read?
• My Top 10 Life-Changing Books
• How Many in a Month?

Mama’s advice

We’ve been reading through a book of memories my mom left behind. Our family is blessed that she’ll keep speaking through her writings even though she’s gone.

One question in the book is:

What advice about life do you want others to remember?

We loved my mom’s answers so much that we printed them in her funeral program on Saturday. I hear her voice clearly here:

1. Pray every day

2. Don’t expect too much from anybody

3. Realize everybody has weaknesses

4. Be a good listener

5. Use the talents you have and don’t feel guilty about the ones you don’t have

6. Be patient and compassionate

7. Don’t hold grudges

8. It’s okay to be wrong sometimes

9. Be the first to say, “I’m sorry”

10. Remember you are very precious to God

                                   ~ Jamie Coates

I need to take this advice more often. You, too?

* * *

Related:

• words…They whisper to me
• Mere words?
• Say words of hope
• Are you listening?

4 traits of committed teens (& parents?)

       Is there a teen in your house? According to author Kenda Creasy Dean in her book Almost Christian via this article on CNN.com, committed Christian teens share four traits:

1. A personal story about God they can share
2. A deep connection to a faith community
3. A sense of purpose
4. A sense of hope about their future

What about you, the parent?

1. Do you know your God-story? Do you talk about it to others?
2. How connected are you to your church? Do you have real friends there or just acquaintances?
3. Why are you here? Are you content with that?
4. Are you hopeful about what’s next? Do you look forward to it?

Your kids walk in your steps. Know what your footprints look like.

* * *

Related:

• Are you faking it?
• How sharp is your aim?
• It has to be God
  

Are you faking it?

Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.
Aristotle (384 BC-322 BC)

The Conversation
Teen: “They’re fake.”

Mom: “You really think they’re not believing? Then what about me? You think I’m fake, too?”

Teen: (hesitates)

Mom: (disheartened) “I may not do Christianity well, but it is real to me. I’m not faking it.” 

The Questions
Two weeks later, this article surfaces. Are teens faking Christianity because their parents are?

The best way to grow a child’s faith is to have your own.

So now I’m looking twice in the mirror. Am I a fake? A poser? 

I know I’m not faking strength.
Just ask me. I know I’m weak. If you listen, you’ll hear I’m crushed each time I visit my mom. Yes, I’m still able to go on (most of the time), but it’s not because I’m strong; it’s because God is. 

I know I’m not faking happiness.
Ask Jeff. He’ll let you know the “depressed” word has passed my lips more than once. Yes, you’ll still see me smile some because I have deep-down joy, but it’s not because I’m happy with my present circumstances; it’s because God is bigger than my circumstances.

But what about my faith? Am I faking that?

I ask myself. Do I believe God promises a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11)? Do I trust His timing is just right for me and my family? Do I know I don’t understand His ways because they’re so much higher than mine (Isaiah 55:9)?

The Answers
Yes, I believe. Yes, I trust. And yes, I know. I hear me preaching answers to me a lot these days. And I listen attentively to hear others remind me, too.

I know I’m not faking faith.
I don’t have as much as I want, but what I have is alive and breathing.

“Example isn’t another way to teach,
it is the only way to teach.”
– Albert Einstein

Fight against fake. Examine your authenticity more closely. Are you being fake in ways you don’t even realize? 

Kids see through fake.

If you want your child to have your faith, studies say do good things together not just inside your church, but also outside your church. This strengthens your faith credibility.

And do it now: your window of opportunity to influence your child’s faith closes fast.

If your child’s faith turns out just like yours,
will you be satisfied?

Answer this: 

• If I want my child to trust God will always take care of her, am I living like I believe God always takes care of ME?
• If I want my child to turn everything over to God, does she see me release worry and turn over all of MY concerns to God?
• If I want my child to know there is nothing God can’t handle, am I showing her by MY life and words that I believe that?

If your #1 parenting goal is to raise your child to believe in Jesus, then make sure you do. Build your own faith; stay in the Word; grow in the Lord.

Be real. Purposed. Definitely not fake.

Kids are more likely to grow in faith
if their parents talk about why they believe.

So now
I’m reminded to put more God-talk behind my actions. I want to be intentionally and unmistakably transparent.

Mom: It was hard visiting Nana today. But you know why I go?

Teen: Yes.

Mom: (preaching to both of us anyway) Because I love her. But also because I want to honor her. And I want to honor God. And I can honor God by taking care of her. Do you get that?

Teen: (no hesitation) Yes.

Mom: (whew—for today anyway) 

* * *

Will you be satisfied if your child ends up with a faith just like yours?

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What I want for her

I fill up the old journal on Tuesday, May 25, 2010.
The new journal begins on Tuesday, June 1, 2010.

I must keep them going. Because I need to see.

My 3-Blessings journals hold my sightings of God. 
      1. Something I’ve seen God do in the past 24 hours
      2. Some way he’s helping me now, in this day
      3. Somewhere I’m anticipating him being in the next 24 hours

What I want for me, I want for her.

Look for opportunities to point your teenager to God.

PAUL DAVID TRIPP
Age of Opportunity

She needs a place where she can see him. Sometimes it’s through other people, through the Word, through time. Sometimes it’s each other.

But sometimes it’s not.

We have to protect our teens
from a distant, passive-God theology.

Many teenagers believe in a God who simply
doesn’t make any difference, so their faith and
their lives exist on two completely different levels.

She needs her own place.

A place where she can point to God herself.
A place for little things. Big things. All things.

Mon, 3-2-09
Thank you, God,
      1. that I made a new friend—Lynn—thru Rest Ministries who is very much an encourager
      2. that I’ve seen another weak spot that I know to better prepare for in the future
      3. that Jeff encouraged me to enjoy life and what I don’t get done today, I can do tomorrow

Don’t let them live in functional atheism, a practical view of life in which God is absent.

Look for natural ways of pointing to
the presence, power, and provision of the Lord.

I want her to see that He’s working. He’s busy. He’s here.

Wed, 8-12-09
Thank you, God,
      1. that it went so easily, quickly at Dr. T today and I don’t have to go back for a year
      2. that the new Aaron Shust CD is so worshipful to you and ministering to me
      3. that in 2 hours I’ll be singing with the body

Point out direct answers to prayer.

Talk about situations in which he has given
strength and wisdom.

Help your teenager to recognize instances
of the Lord’s protection and provision.

What I want for her, I want for me.
What I want for me, I want for her.

Yesterday, 8-24-10
Thank you, God,
      1. that I’ve encouraged Jenna to start her own 3-Blessings journal  
      2. that Mary Ann continues to be a faithful friend to Mama and rubs her feet with lotion
      3. that I already have enchiladas in the fridge ready to cook for supper tonight

Today, I want to see how good God is.
So today, I will help her see him, too. * * *

What do you want for the children in your life?
Is it something you want for yourself, too?

More Walks with Him

3 words every parent should say daily

Dear sweet Morgan and Jenna,

I am sorry.

Every day I want to be a great mom,
a better mom, the right mom for you.

And every day I mess up.

I am sorry. Really.

I love you,
Mom

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Book review: “She Still Calls Me Daddy”

When my children were small, I read books about parenting toddlers. As they grew, I read books about parenting older kids.

Then one day my girls were teenagers, and I suddenly realized I had stopped reading parenting books. So I grabbed a couple of excellent ones to hit the hot spots on an as-needed basis.

Now that my oldest daughter has one foot out of the nest, I just finished a book unlike other parenting books. This one assumes you’ve reached your peak active parenting years, and are on the way back down.

It’s intended for fathers, but this mother benefited as well. Robert Wolgemuth wrote this one with his heart on his sleeve: She Still Calls Me Daddy: Building a new relationship with your daughter after you walk her down the aisle.

It’s a book about good-byes and new normals and “widening your embrace.”

Wolgemuth gently, but strongly, encourages parents to let go. For their daughter’s sake, their son-in-law’s sake, and their own sake.

This stage of life has a steep learning curve, and he shares some of his own mistakes, and some of his successes. Being a parent of a grown-up has a different set of challenges, but also rewards. Wolgemuth addresses both.

You used to be a prophet. But that job is history. Your daughter and her husband have different prophets now. You’ve become a priest.

But just because your child is out of the house doesn’t mean you’re finished parenting. Your role shifts to different directions. Instead of protecting your daughter in the way you used to, you abdicate that role to her husband. Your new role is to safeguard her marriage. And he recommends the best way to do that begins with understanding and loving your new son.

Realize that when you give your daughter in marriage to this younger man, you’re regifting the present that God had given to you at her birth. With no strings attached.

Truth be known, when it comes to the gift of our daughter to this man at her wedding, we totally get it. She was a gift to us in the first place. Like a priceless piece of sterling silver or crystal that you and your wife received as a wedding gift that you now freely pass along to your children, you and I are actually regifting our daughters.

She was a gift to us in the first place and so she is a gift again.

“Freely you have received, freely give.”
Matthew 10:8b

Each chapter of the book includes several insets with key statements that I found very helpful. Each chapter also ended with a “Remodelers Checklist” with the top 3 or 4 main points restated.

If you have an older child, I’d recommend this book as prep work to get your heart ready for changes on the horizon. They’re not always easy ones, but they can be exciting ones, not only for your child, but also for you.

Oops, gotta go. The timing is ironic as I finish this post: I hear my daughter pulling in the driveway, home for the weekend. Better enjoy these times while I can.

Supermom?

Even though I’m blessed to be sandwiched between my mother a few miles down the road and two beautiful daughters actually in the house (this weekend anyway), Mother’s Day still leaves me with mixed feelings.

I miss the middle daughter I’m not raising, even though she’s in the best Hands where she is.

And I miss the mother that could kiss all my hurts away and make everything alright in the morning, even though she’s still here.

The realization that moms don’t have superpowers comes slowly. Even though I’m a grown woman myself, I still have days when I want to call my mother and whine about trivial things and have her assure me, “Everything’s gonna be okay.”

But the older I get, the more our roles rotate. Seasons change, and I must change with them.

As I watch my mother age and her memories fade, I need my memories to stay strong. Of the new ones we're making now. And of my mother in the early days. When she could sew up any kind of rip. Cook food for whatever occasion. Give comforting advice to every aching heart.

I want to honor her for those days by being good to her in these days. Being her daughter continues to shape who I am. So I rise up and call her blessed (Proverbs 31:28).

She is still my Supermom. Not just on Mother’s Day, but Every Day.