image map Home Favorites Reading About Contact

God's Parenting Style

I receive parenting tip e-mails that are designed for parents’ use in helping their kids deal with issues. But instead, I often see them as timely messages from God to help me deal with my own childish ways of mishandling the same issues.

In today’s case, anger. Understanding the provocation of my ire doesn’t guarantee that I’ll eliminate my anger or even get over it faster, but it does often help put it into perspective and help me know what to do next. It is one way that God parents me.

So when I got angry this morning, I looked over this list of causes below and identified my problem—“blocked goals” and “unmet expectations.” So I’m back to the drawing board to reframe my goals and realign my expectations.

Life doesn’t always works out like I want it to. And I don’t always respond like I wish I would. But I know that my Father never gives up on me and He disciplines me with gentleness and love. Because I love being parented by Him, I want to parent more like Him.

Why We Get Angry
One of the helpful steps in helping children control their anger is to recognize four causes of anger. After children have settled down and you debrief with them about their anger, talk about what's causing it. You and your child may see patterns and then be able to head off the problem earlier next time.

1) Blocked Goals. This is the kind of thing that happens to you, as a parent, when you want to do a project in the playroom and find that Billy has left his Legos all over the floor and you keep stepping on them. Or, Billy may want to play with his train set only to find that his sister is using it first. These are blocked goals.

2) Violated Rights. That's when you, as a parent, are in the bathroom and your daughter keeps knocking on the door. You believe you have the right to go to the bathroom in peace. Your daughter may get angry because her brother came into her room and took her favorite CD. Those are violated rights.

3) Unmet Expectations. You had expected that when you got home you would be able to rest but instead you find a big mess. Or Jackie thought she would be going to McDonalds but instead you chose to go to Pizza Hut. Those are unmet expectations.

4) Experiencing Unfairness. When someone takes a toy from a younger child, you may feel angry as a parent because you see unfairness. Or, Tom may feel angry with his teacher because she picked someone else for a privilege he thought he deserved. Those unfair situations can provoke anger.

Whatever the situation, after a child has settled down, talk about the cause. Discuss the value of sacrificing rights, readjusting goals or expectations, and handling unfairness in a godly way. By examining the causes of anger, you can help children gain greater perspective and develop longer lasting strategies for managing their emotions.

Comments (2)

Loading... Logging you in...
  • Logged in as
Nice post, the deeper question about your four anger hurdles is why they have to exist at all, and what it says about God's parenting style that they do. Would you ever allow an evil bully to endlessly harass your children in your own backyard? Would you cause your children to become frustrated by not giving them what they want and then refusing to show up and help them understand why? Would you show up once every three or four years to put on a drama so they remember you were real? The level of frustration that our soul feels with God penetrates to the dividing of bone and marrow. He is not like us. He has placed upon us a position that He did not place upon Himself. Jesus, did not act in a way that we act. He allowed His friend to die instead of healing Him from a distance as He could have done. God chooses everyday, and did so from the beginning to watch the wicked prosper while largely being content to wait until the day of judgment to do anything about it. The hardest thing to accept from the Bible is this, we are wicked and God is good. Even Christians still struggle with understanding a perfect God from the midst of imperfection. As it says in proverbs, 'a person's sin perverts their way, and their heart frets against the Lord.' And in Romans it says 'the carnal mind is hatred against God. It will not submit to God and it cannot.' Admit that in a very essential way, you hate God, and would depose God if you could. From there real repentance can manifest. It is never going to be about understanding God, because that which is finite cannot contain that which is infinite. We can say, well the temporary sufferings of this age are not to be compared, and that is a legitimate biblical argument. Still, our flesh squirms, and squirms. To be human is to suffer or to be in denial. The Cross is an interesting thing. Why Did God feel compelled to suffer on behalf of sinners? He allowed the world to become what it is was(is)? Then He makes a big show out of dying for everyone, but He has the power to do anything? What is the Cross supposed to teach us? This holy God is a fearful being, whom no one should presume to approach but on their face. And yet He calls us friends if we obey Him. Is the church obeying God? Am I? Are you? What does a life that leads to the cross look like? And why, oh why, does a God of love require it of anyone? Here is where real faith grows. When nothing makes sense anymore and only a stubborn and simple trust will do.
1 reply · active 626 weeks ago
You ask some heavy questions here, Larry. Ones that I ask myself, and am never quite sure of the "right" answer. My flesh does squirm.

This is so true:

"It is never going to be about understanding God, because that which is finite cannot contain that which is infinite."

I too often have tried to understand, but that's impossible. I just have to trust anyway.

Post a new comment

Comments by

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails