5 things you learn at graduation

(from a parent’s perspective)

Jenna graduated from high school last Saturday. The ceremony was meaningful and spiritual.

But as the parent, you hear and see from a different perspective than the graduate.

1. It’s still a big deal
Many students will continue on to earn bachelor degrees from universities and possibly doctorates and professional certifications.

But receiving a high school diploma is still huge. Completing thirteen years of schooling when kids are so young and inexperienced and raw is an accomplishment deserving to be celebrated.

Many kids do understand this, but parents should even more. We know having or not having a diploma can make a big difference in what they can do next.

So when they get it, applaud.

2. Parents see double
An almost-adult body may stand before you in cap and gown, but parents are seeing a baby with a wet diaper or the little girl singing in the back seat of the car or a child in the awkward middle-school years so recently outgrown.

Memories past flood over moments present. And we know there’s more to come. We see it all. That’s a good thing.

3. The rate of time is changing

You think four years of high school go by fast? Four years of college fly even quicker. As a parent of a college graduate as well as a high school one, I know how time picks up speed after high school. And hasn’t slowed down yet (all adults know this).

Freeze the milestone moments when you can, then buckle up because the next trip through time is even faster.

4. The message makes sense
I remember nothing from my high school commencement’s speaker (was it former Alabama congressman Bob Jones?). But I listened closely to my daughter’s speaker. I wanted to know what advice he was giving her, make sure it would be beneficial. And I hope I’ll remember his words, even though Jenna probably won’t.

He advised them not to go out to change the world (that’s a bit lofty, yes?), but to glorify God in what they do in their corner of the world. Because the world will be watching them. Live well, love well, where you are. I’m old enough to understand how hard that message can be, but how valuable it is to try it.

5. The kids’ candy was also for the parents

Really? I didn’t know until it was too late. The chocolate kisses and Skittles and goldfish weren’t hidden backstage just for the seniors, but for us, too?

Some lessons you learn too late. You realize you messed up as a parent over the past eighteen years. Apologize, adjust what you can, then let it go. Let it be a reminder to pay even closer attention in the years to come.

Then the next time you bump into a candy table, enjoy!

* * *

Have you attended a graduation ceremony this month? Learn anything?

Sticky note advice

We’re a sticky note family.

So when each family was told they’d have two minutes at graduation last Saturday to present their child’s diploma and say a few words, Jeff thought of our sticky notes.

Because how can you sum up thirteen years of homeschooling in two minutes?

You can’t.

So we look forward.

And tacked three sticky notes of advice for the future on Jenna’s diploma. 

1. Prioritize your relationship with Jesus above all else.

2. Learn well so you can love others well.

3. Call Mom and Dad! :-) We love you!

…One thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13-14

* * *

Any sticky notes on your mirrors too?

When you wonder if you know what you’re doing

When she was turned five that June, she seemed so small and so young and I couldn’t see sending her off to school all day.

Not just yet.

So one year. Just one year. Let’s homeschool for kindergarten.

We did it. God blessed it. It was the year Jenna was born and we used the flexibility and togetherness and sister-bonding-with-sister time.

So one more year, God? Okay.

1st grade.
Turned into 2nd.
Then 3rd. 
...12th.

And before I knew what happened,
she graduated from college.

Yesterday.

But wasn’t it just yesterday
that we
started
this adventure???Did we know what we were doing way back when?

No. Definitely not.

But did God? Yes. Definitely yes.

Even when you can’t see the grand picture, he guides you in the freeze-frame.

In this step. During this day. For his reasons.

If that’s all the picture he’s revealing, trust him with the rest. He will lead you where he wants you to go, even when he’s the only one who knows where that is.

So don’t worry if you can’t see too far into the future. Relinquish control of the outcome. Just walk one step forward on your journey. Today’s step.

God is always up to something good.

Even when you don’t know what you’re doing,
God does.

* * *

What is God calling you to do today that you’re unsure about?

RELATED:

• The empty spaces
• What I want for my daughters
• Can I quit now?
• Five favorites of homeschooling

Thawing our every winter

Yours is the day, yours also the night;
you have established the heavenly lights and the sun. 
You have fixed all the boundaries of the earth;
you have made summer and winter.
Psalm 74:16-17 

Last winter

It was a Friday morning in January.
As a team leader for my homeschool group, I was meeting individually with other moms to check their records and answer questions.

I had set up an intricate schedule, staggering each appointment appropriately so everything would run smoothly.

Until I got that phone call. After being told by the lung surgeon that his cancer was too far gone, my dad had asked for hospice. And the phone call I received said they were on their way to meet with us.

I wasn’t ready. Not mentally. Not emotionally.

Winter was frigid.

I was frozen with indecision about abandoning my responsibilities of the morning. So when Stephanie offered to pray for me (instead of me praying for her), I said, “Yes!” She prayed for my peace, wisdom, confidence. And when Jeff walked in to clear all my remaining appointments, I flew to my parents’ house just in time to meet my dad’s new caregivers.

A warm spot in a cold winter.

This winter

I resigned as a team leader at the end of last school year. The demands for caring for my mom were now too great. So when Carol was assigned as my team leader, I was grateful.

Our first meeting in the fall was shortly after my mom’s death. I mainly cried through our time. And Carol prayed through my tears.

But last week, a new Friday morning in January, I met again with Carol.

Although I’m far from healed from the bitter cold winds of 2010, I can feel the thaw.

Carol prayed for me again. No tears this time. Just gratefulness for a God who knows what he’s doing. In every season.

Lord,
     Thank you…
for sending sunshine to our mornings,
for shining light into our darkness, and
for thawing our every winter.
     You are God, and there is none like you.

From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for him.
Isaiah 64:4

* * *

Are you in a winter season now? Where do you find hope for spring?

 

 

It’s about the snow

We don’t get it often, and we don’t keep it long.
Snow. And championships.

But this week has been an exception.

It started snowing Sunday night, one day after Jeff took Morgan back to Auburn (she recovered well from strep—thanks for the prayers; still working on the mono—please keep the prayers going).

By Monday morning, we had 8 inches of snow. Incredible. Area schools were canceled Monday.
   And Tuesday.
      And Wednesday.
         And Thursday.
             And now Friday.
So maybe Alabama goes a little overboard.

But our homeschool didn’t close; we just had a liberal leave policy—Jenna could leave to play in the snow as much as she wanted, and we’d do enough school to count as a day. So 5 days of school still go on the books for us. (We don’t want to be doing school in the summer.)

On Monday night, all attention was focused on the Auburn v Oregon national college football championship. What a game! Auburn won by a field goal in the final seconds. Congrats to all the players and coaches. 
     War Eagle!

Five of my favorite pictures of our Alabama snow:

1. Jeff loves the snow as much as the kids

2. Kandie loves that everyone comes outside to play

3. The pressure was off Jenna when the neighbor boys came out to keep Jeff company

4. A girl and her dog—they’ve played a lot this week

5. Don’t you love how red stands out in white?

* * *

Did you have snow this week too?
Was it unusual or just a normal part of your winter?

“On This Day in Christian History”—Book review

If you like day-by-day devotionals and if you like inspiring stories about Christians throughout history, get Robert J. Morgan’s On This Day in Christian History. I knew I’d like it because I like his Then Sings My Soul daily devotional on the history of hymns.

Knowing our past can brace us for the future—is Morgan’s premise.

“With no heritage from the past, there is no legacy for the future.”

Morgan gives 365 one-page summaries of a significant event on each day of a saint, martyr, or hero of the faith, followed by a Bible verse.

Reading these stories helps put your own day into perspective.

Running out of milk isn’t quite so tragic compared to being strangled and having your body burned to ashes, like George Wishart on March 1, 1546.

Or compared to John Hooper, who wrote on January 7, 1554, “I commit my cause to God, whose will be done, whether it be by life or death” before he was burned at the stake.

This stuff matters.

The cloud of witnesses who have gone before can inspire us to hold fast to our faith whether our times become that hard (and already are in many parts of the world) or whether our times are so easy that we turn away from God.

My thanks to Book Sneeze for the complimentary copy of this book so Jenna and I can start our homeschool mornings with a piece of Christian history.

* * *

Five tender mercies

FRIDAY OF THE THIRD WEEK OF ADVENT

Yesterday Jenna and I read finished Luke 1 in our Advent readings.

Filled with the Holy Spirit, Zechariah blessed God for redeeming his people, showing us mercy, delivering us from enemies, that we might serve him without fear in holiness and righteousness all our days (Luke 1:67-79).

Although each of our weeks probably contained tough moments, we each also saw more moments that were full of the “tender mercy of our God” (Luke 1:78). Let’s praise him for that!

Here are five ways I saw his compassion this week:

1. Gracious supporters
After months of hard work, the River of Life Players performed their best for God’s glory in The Best Christmas Pageant Ever last Friday and Saturday night. We were blessed to have friends and family join us to support Jenna.

An after-performance tradition is eating pancakes at 11 p.m. at IHOP. My favorite part of that? Watching the hard-working waitresses’ faces when Jeff blesses them with extra big tips each year for their patience with our large crowd.

2. Sweet weekend visits
Jeff took Morgan and her boyfriend duck-hunting Saturday morning, and we taught Fuller how to play dominos that afternoon. I was especially blessed after Sunday lunch to hear Morgan and Fuller maturely discussing their Sunday morning Bible class together.

Fuller brought me this beautiful ornament for our tree. Wasn’t that thoughtful!

3. God’s artistry
Jenna won several awards for her photography at our homeschool group’s Fine Arts Festival on Tuesday night. She captured great images of some of God’s beautiful creation. I anticipate great shots from her for a long time to come!

4. Overflowing
Kay gave me this framed photo as a sweet memento of our Overflow weekend. Part of this same crowd gathered to overflow on three of our elderly Christian friends at their home on Wednesday night. We all were blessed by it.5. Relationships of Christmas
I am so NOT a shopper. Because my sweet husband bought several Christmas gifts last week, on Tuesday I was able to start and almost totally finish the remainder of our list in one afternoon. Then Jenna graciously volunteered to wrap the gifts last night. I feel so blessed to be able to rest now and enjoy relationships again instead of fretting over buying presents.

* * *

Where have you seen God’s mercy this week?

Curios - 33

3 ways to cultivate humility by Brian Croft.
He writes it for pastors. Ignore that. It applies to everybody. I especially like # 3.

One short sentence that increases trust.
(Are we really this gullible? I like to think not.)

Improve your writing. Here are 7 ways at Copyblogger.

Successful blogging looks like this.
If you’re a Christian blogger, please read this post from Ann Voskamp.
     “Your blog is not about you.”
     “…You are a successful blogger, the most successful blogger, from the very first day you ever posted, if you simply do it as an act of loving service unto Jesus.”
     “…Because the only platform in the upside down kingdom is an altar.”

I have to laugh:

It’s your choice

I’m not sure what went wrong yesterday morning. But I know I wasn’t choosing gratitude.

I chose discouragement. I wanted to give up.

All over a stupid math problem?
Yes.
Set 32, problem # 7, to be exact.It’s funny how little things can drag you down. I’ve been doing this homeschooling thing for 16 years. You’d think I’d have it down by now. And parts of it I do.

But parts of it I don’t. The parts that pull out my impatience.  Or the parts that take up too much of “my” time.

Or yesterday, the parts that require extra brainwork when I’m too tired and too selfish to hand it over.

So instead of deciding to be grateful for the freedom to teach my own child in my own home in my own timing, I decided that I couldn’t do it. It was too hard.

I quietly went to my bathroom. I closed the door. I sat on the floor. And I cried out to God, “I can’t do this!”

But God is more faithful than me. After my cry, I took an internet break to check out Barbara’s “The Week in Words”. And what did God send me there?

We have thankful days and unthankful days.

And even our thankful days are not as thankful as they should be. Just think of how joyful and thankful you would be if your heart responded to God himself and his ten thousand gifts with admiration and gratitude of which He is worthy. – John Piper

He nudged me back to the dining room table, back to Set 32, and forward to problem # 8.

I had found gratitude again. Nothing had changed but that. It was a choice: to be thankful that I had time to learn something new (even though I know I learned this 5 years ago). That Jenna was being super-sweet. That life wouldn’t end even if we never worked problem # 7.

Which we still haven’t, by the way. I know it’s still out there, looming large. But I don’t want to let a math problem turn into an attitude problem. Instead I want it to remind me to choose thankfulness. To respond to God for the gift of himself and the 10,000 gifts he gives me daily.

Choose gratitude. It’s the right answer inside any and every problem.

* * *

Books—Corner View

O book, O book, where do you sit?
Your destiny, your time,
Is determined by your place.

Pop-ups
Much loved and handled ones, I delighted in you with my baby girls. Wait safe in the glass bookcase in the den for adult hands and more children’s eyes. You’re still special to me.

Brain extenders
Your time is limited. Where will you find yourselves when the homeschool adventure ends in 2½ years? Let’s decide that later. For now, breathe deep in your overcrowded bookcases in the office.

Work-outs
You sweat it out on the the top bedroom shelf. You’re my workhorses. “Doing” books. Daily books. Over and over. Bibles. Prayer books. Journals.

The line-up
Do you feel forgotten, my friends on the bottom shelf? You’re not, even though I’ve made you no commitments yet. I promise your time will eventually arrive.

This is it
If you’re within an arm’s length of sleep, you’re playing with the big boys. Take off your dust jacket and get comfortable. You’re in my face. Let’s talk.

* * *

Where do your books live?
And what does that mean?
Visit through Jane’s links for an everyday, international tour of BOOKS.

“The Heart of Anger” – Book review

Our homeschool covering has offered to cut $30 off our tuition if we’d read a book. That’s too easy.

The catch? Both mother and father have to read the same book, and the book has to come from a particular list of spiritual parenting books. Then, the father has to send in an e-mail, reporting what he liked or didn’t like about the book.

We’re on the home stretch. 

Here’s my own analysis of the book: 

While The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo didn’t thrill me with any new “aha” moments, it did provide thoughtful questions that I needed to ask myself, not only to deal with anger in children, but especially with my own anger.

“What did I want, desire, or long for when I became angry?”

The question can be a tough one for a child. But do we adults fare any better when answering it? Or would we even dare ask it to ourselves to begin with?

Here are more questions to dig even deeper into the source of anger:

• What is it that I believe I can’t be happy without?
• What is it that I crave?
• What is it that I believe I must have?
• What do I spend most of my spare time thinking about?
• What is it that I worry most about losing?
• What do I delight in (seek my happiness) the most?
• What do I love more than I love God and my neighbor?

Mr. Priolo suggests using an “Anger Journal” to keep track of the answers, along with answers to other questions: What circumstances led to my becoming angry? What did I say/do when I became angry? What is the biblical evaluation of what I said/did when I became angry? What should I have said/done when I became angry?

Honestly, those aren’t the questions I typically ask myself in the heat of the moment. But after the storm, they do come up. Because I don’t like an angry me, I want to curb it.

The only way I know how is by focusing on the Lord and seeking his guidance. Anger itself can be a diagnostic tool. It identifies bad spots in my heart, areas where I need the Spirit to shine his light.

The best evidence that a Christian desires (loves) something more than he desires (loves) God, is his willingness to sin against God, either in order to acquire that desire or because he cannot acquire it. (John 14:15). One of the most common sins that demonstrates the presence of inordinate desire is anger.

By seeing what I idolize, I can dethrone it and put God back in his rightful position. Not always easy, but definitely worthwhile. Definitely worth far more than $30.

Five Favorites of Homeschooling

Last week I started my 15th year of homeschooling. Some days I ask myself, “Why, oh why?”

But mostly, I’m overwhelmingly blessed by the opportunity to give this a go. Here are five, among many, of my favorite things about homeschooling.

1. Field trips
They’re not just for kids. I learn the most from them. And usually have just as much fun. Last week we heard a post-mission report from four Space Shuttle astronauts of the STS-125 crew who had repaired the Hubble Space Telescope in May. 

2. Facts
I love learning. And re-learning. I retained amazingly little from my original trek through school. So going through each grade again has been an education not only for my girls, but also for me. Reading classics, figuring out trigonometric ratios, dissecting sharks—all in a homeschool day’s work.

My brain may turn to mush after I graduate Jenna, but until then, I’ll keep filling it up. 

3. Faults
Well, I’m not thankful that I have these. But homeschooling has magnified mine enough to grab my attention and shame. It’s humbling to see how impatient I can be when explaining negative numbers for the nth time, or how selfish I can be with my time when my child needs help after *I* was finished with school for the day. Or how out of sorts I can be when books and papers clutter our home during the school year.

Opportunities for growth, right? Right. Painful, but profitable. So I’m thankful.

4. Friendship
Homeschooling means you’re with your kids a lot. I mean, a lot. That means more talking, laughing, fussing, eating, singing, retreating, playing together. We see each other at our best and worst with quantity and quality time. My daughters are two of my best friends. Homeschooling has given us all extra time together to make that happen.

5. Faith
Through the years we’ve done much Bible studying, praying, scripture memorizing, serving, and talking faith. The most important reason I homeschool? To help my kids more fully know Jesus.

It’s also the scariest. Because if I fail here, it’s major. And I know my own example could be a deal-breaker. I pray that it’s not.

* * * * *

The more I think about it, everything I do to bless my kids through homeschooling ends up blessing ME. Isn’t it just like God to work that way? He never ceases to amaze me!

For more Friday Fave Fives, visit Susanne at Living to Tell the Story.

Summer Freedom (Friday’s Fave Five)

I love summer!

So my Friday’s Fave Five list this week includes 5 of my favorite freedoms of the summer. Go to Living to Tell the Story to read others’ favorites from this week.

1. Freedom from cold
I love heat. Okay, so heat indices over 99 degrees this week may be a little over the top, but I still prefer 99 to 33 degrees. I’d rather sweat than shiver.

2.  Freedom from homeschool
...but not from the planning, which is my favorite part anyway. I like scheduling out each subject (although I haven’t done it yet, and it’s time!), making out the school calendar to fit our family, and the most fun: buying school supplies. Paper, notebooks, pens—the office supply aisle is always the best. 

3. Freedom from the kitchen
Fire up the grill, baby. Jeff likes to grill out in the summer. I like for Jeff to grill out in the summer. Win-win.

4. Freedom from routine
Don’t get me wrong—I’m the queen of scheduling. Managers of Their Homes and FlyLady rocked my world to the core when I first discovered their validation and refinement of my scheduling habits.

But I love the extra EMPTY blocks of time I can schedule in the summer months then fill back in with things I don’t get to do as often during the school year. I’m all about open spaces, even if they’re scheduled.

5. Freedom from heavy clothes
Shorts and t-shirts and bare feet—is there any outfit more comfy than that? Good-bye for a season to long pants and double shirts and socks and shoes. (See # 1)

* * * * *
Free. It’s the way we’re meant to live in the eternal kingdom. I want to treasure it and give God glory in it. What a priceless gift—in the summers, on Fridays, in this moment.

Out of my distress I called on the LORD; the LORD answered me and set me free. Psalm 118:5

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. 1 Peter 2:16

Not me

This is a story about how big God is.

And how he can use us, even when we don’t get it.

Even use “not me.” Well, maybe especially “not me.”

One year ago. The front doorbell rings. I get it because Jeff is frying chicken for supper (his specialty, not mine). A stranger, Joe, introduces himself as a potential buyer for the house across the lake and has some questions about the neighborhood. A mutual friend at his church knew we lived here, and recommended that Joe talk to us.

I soon discover that his questions are not in my area of expertise. So I refer him to Jeff, and Jeff (not me) invites Joe into the kitchen.

Joe’s wife and kids are waiting in their van in our driveway. So I ask them in. The two daughters are around Jenna’s age; they also homeschool; they and Jenna immediately bond and take off for the backyard together.

Before I know it, Jeff (not me) has invited the whole family to eat supper with us.

Me? I’m thinking, “What is Jeff thinking! We weren’t expecting company. And we don’t have enough chicken. And the kitchen is a wreck. And we don’t even know these people.”

But we do now. No thanks to me. Thanks to a big God who gave me a hospitable husband.

Our two families have now shared meals in each other’s homes (they did buy the house across the lake), our girls have spent countless days and nights together, we’ve celebrated birthdays, we’ve taken care of each other’s dogs. They’re our good friends.

But next week, they’re moving. For one year. I’ll miss them, and I look forward to their return.

I had the Hospitality book for a year before I finally read it last month. Since then, I’ve felt guilty. I’ve tried easing my conscience by counting how many people do actually go in and out my doors. Maybe I’m not so bad at hospitality after all?

But if it’s my daughters’ friends coming over, it’s not to my credit. It’s her hospitality really, not mine. If it’s my extended family coming over, it’s not to my credit either. They’re too easy. If it’s my neighbors, they often ring my doorbell out of the blue, so no credit for me there either.

It’s not me.

I’ve been asked to teach a ladies’ class this summer at church on “Discovering God in Our Lives.”

I envision the class as a group of women chatting around a big kitchen table at the end of a day. “Come to the table,” I’ll say. “Let’s talk together about how God is alive and real and at work in our lives.”

Until this morning, I didn’t get it. But now I see—the class is yet another display of God's hospitality. So it’s God, again, not me.

He continues to bring the people to my door who want to talk about the neighborhood.

It’s hospitality. Not of my own initiative. Of God’s.

I need to release the guilt that I’m not hospitable enough. God is taking care of it. Not me.

He doesn’t need me to concoct some elaborate dinner plan. He doesn’t want my guilt. He desires no more hand-wringing that “I’m not doing enough; I’m not doing enough.”

So, he’s big alright. Not me.

He is the one who will get it done, with or without my hostessing skills (or lack thereof). With or without my scheduling. With or without enough fried chicken.

It’s simpler than I imagined.

For now, all he’s asking me is: “Hey Lisa, I hear somebody at the door—would you get that for me?”