Reward in the rest (6/30)
Wondrous Words Wednesday (6/30)
Summer—Corner View (6/29)
“The Checklist Manifesto”—Book review (6/29)
Pass on the family truths---Proverbs 6 (6/28)
If it won’t matter then…it shouldn’t matter now (6/27)
5 lessons from Benjamin Franklin (6/25)
It has to be God (6/24)
How to write a love letter (6/23)
Wondrous Words Wednesday (6/23)
“Noticing” breath—Corner View (6/22)
What’s on your nightstand?—June (6/22)
Stay in your lane (6/21)
Father’s Day, year 1, without my father (6/20)
“This So Called Love”—Then Sings My Soul Saturdays (6/19)
5 things I’m learning from those with Alzheimer’s (6/18)
Do you use music? Or does music use you? (6/17)
“Sheet Music” (6/16)
Daily—Corner View (6/15)
“Worship Matters”—Book review (6/15)
My soul GPS (6/14)
Curios—30 (6/13)
“Only You Remain”—Then Sings My Soul Saturdays (6/12)
Crossing bridges—Friday’s Fave Five (6/11)
Fighting to win (6/10)
Bliss—Corner View (6/9)
Does it add up? (6/9)
Wondrous Words Wednesday (6/9)
“I Will Carry You”—Book review (6/8)
Focus, girl, focus (6/7)
Curios—29 (6/6)
“All of Creation”—Then Sings My Soul Saturdays (6/5)
Encouragement found me—Friday’s Fave Five (6/4)
“The Heart Mender”—Book review (6/4)
Gaining the victory (6/3)
Use his mirror (6/2)
Wondrous Words Wednesday (6/2)
from where i'm sitting—Corner View (6/1)
Today…in June (6/1)
JUNE 2010 Posts
Reward in the rest
Jenna’s been out of town a lot lately, so I’ve had dog duty with Kandie. We get along fine, but we haven’t perfected our game of fetch yet.
I throw.
She retrieves.
But she doesn’t give it back.
She hangs on.
I coax her, “Give. Give.”
Until she does, I offer no reward.
No “Atta girl!” No petting. No praising.
So she misses the reward that come with rest.
When God sends opportunities my way, if I’m playing smart, I take them.
He throws.
I retrieve.
But I don’t always give them back.
I hang on.
I continue running in circles with the burden in my mouth, instead of dropping it at the feet of the Master.
I miss the reward that comes from resting.
When Kandie does “give,” I lay it on thick.
Good puppy! That’s my girl! Such a good dog!
She revels in my praise. It is its own reward.
I’ve got to learn better how to “give” it up, too.
Spit it out. Lay it down. Drop it at His feet.
There’s reward in the rest.
The word Jesus used [burden in Matthew 11:30] means a load carried or toil borne to the point of exhaustion.
Rest is simply release from that burden.
It is not something we do, it is what comes to us when we cease to do.
~ The Pursuit of God, A. W. Tozer
* * *
More on rest:
- Song: “Rest in the Arms”
Wondrous Words Wednesday
Again, all my words this week are from A Severe Mercy. My vocabulary should be richer from the reading.
[ Shhh… there are really even more words I didn’t know; I’m not disclosing my full ignorance... ]
1. John Bull
(n)
Definition—a personification of England or the English; a typical Englishman
Use—“What I met, when I turned up at his rooms, was John Bull himself.”
(speaking of C.S. Lewis)
2. axiomatically
(adv) [ak-see-uh-MAT-ik-a-lee]
Definition—self-evident; obvious
Use—“Very simply, it seems to me that some intelligent power made this universe and that all men must know it, axiomatically, and must feel awe at the power’s infiniteness.”
3. congeries
(n) [kon-JEER-eez]
Definition—a collection of items or parts in one mass; assemblage
Use—“No longer did the Church appear only a disreputable congeries of quarrelling sects: now we saw the Church, splendid and terrible, sweeping down the centuries with anthems and shining crosses and steady-eyed saints.”
4. kine
(n)
Definition—plural of cow
Use—“The Magi saw a crown that lay ahead,
But not the bitter glory of the reign;
They called him King and knelt among the kine.”
5. mews
(n) [myoos]
Definition—a group of buildings originally containing private stables, often converted into residential apartments
Use—“In June, at the end of Summer Term, Davy and I inherited from a friend going down, a tiny mews flat, the Studio, in the centre of Oxford.”
6. tattoo
(n) [ta-TOO]
Definition—a knocking or strong pulsation
Use—“At that moment came a cheery tattoo on the door knocker.”
7. compunction
(n) [kuhm-PUHNGK-shuhn]
Definition—a strong uneasiness caused by a sense of guilt
Use—“The unworthiness made it good: i.e. produced humbled compunction—unde hoc mihi?”
Unde hoc mihi: Luke 1:43 in the Vulgate version. “Et unde hoc mihi ut veniat mater Domini mei ad me?” – Elisabeth’s exclamation upon Mary entering her house, both women miraculously pregnant: “And whence is this to me, that the mother of my LORD should come to me?”
* * *
Which words should I have already known? Which ones did you know?
Summer—Corner View
For everything there is a season,
and a time for every matter under heaven.
Ecclesiastes 3:1
Making chex mix means: Let’s take a trip.
Everybody comes out to play in the summer.
you have established the heavenly lights and the sun.
You have fixed all the boundaries of the earth;
you have made summer and winter.
Psalm 74:16-17
* * *
For more views of summer around the world, visit the links at Jane’s.
“The Checklist Manifesto”—Book review
I use my packing checklist religiously. And my grocery store checklist. And, yes, my Bible reading checklist, too. (Contrary to popular opinion, it’s really not sacrilegious to “check the box” after you read 3 chapters.)
Do you use checklists?
Checklists simplify the complexity of having to remember a set order or repeat the same details from memory over and over.
The Checklist Manifesto will reinforce (or begin) your belief in checklists.
Written by an endocrine surgeon in Boston, it is a most interesting and easy-to-read book on Atul Gawande’s experiment with creating and implementing a checklist for surgery.
(He also includes examples explaining David Lee Roth’s quirk about no brown M&M’s before a show, and why Walmart’s response to Hurricane Katrina was so effective.)
For surgery, Gawande’s own checklist included items like these:
- Have we introduced ourselves to the others on the team by name and function?
- Has the patient received any necessary antibiotics?
- How long do we anticipate this surgery to last?
Could that make a difference? He was surprised to discover not only YES, but definitely yes! And not always for obvious reasons.
When nurses were given a chance to say their names and mention concerns at the beginning of a case, they were more likely to note problems and offer solutions. The researchers called it an “activation phenomenon.” Giving a people a chance to say something at the start seemed to activate their sense of participation and responsibility and their willingness to speak up. page 108
The number of decisions, large and small, that have to be made in even the most routine of surgeries is astounding. Not all of them need to be on a checklist, obviously, (the preferred number is 5-9, the limits of working memory), but by putting key ones on a list, Gawande reported 1/3 lower complications and deaths for those using a no-tech, no-cost 90-second checklist compared to hospitals that did not use a list.
They found that the average [ICU] patient required 178 individual actions per day, ranging from administering a drug to suctioning the lungs, and every one of them posed risks. Remarkably, the nurses and doctors were observed to make an error in just 1 percent of these actions—but that still amounted to an average of two errors a day with every patient. page 24
The airline industry has known for years that checklists work. (One major problem when airlines merge is deciding whose checklists will be used; they get attached.) Being able to properly use a checklist had big payoffs for Capt. Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger and his crew and passengers on US Airways Flight 1549 in January 2009, their “Miracle on the Hudson.”
Four generations after the first aviation checklists went into use, a lesson is emerging: checklists seem able to defend anyone, even the experienced, against failure in many more tasks than we realized. They provide a kind of cognitive net. They catch mental flaws inherent in all of us—flaws of memory and attention and thoroughness. page 48
The construction industry also relies heavily on checklists. The more complicated a process is, the more room for error there is. And something as simple as a checklist can make a difference? Apparently so.
For me, I probably would forget to pack an extension cord if not for my packing checklist. While it’s never a life or death situation if my blowdryer cord won’t reach the outlet in the hotel room without the extension, it sure is nice to have the luxury of one.
So if I weren’t totally sold on checklists before, I definitely am now. It’s hard not to be after reading this book.
* * *
I read this book at the recommendation of Tim Challies when he was reviewing all the bestsellers on his blog 10 Million Words. I hope he’ll be able to restart the blog someday. It was wonderful!
For more books read after a recommendation, check out the links at “I Read It.”
Pass on the family truths – Proverbs 6
What I’m memorizing:
My son, keep your father's commandment, and forsake not your mother's teaching.
Bind them on your heart always; tie them around your neck.
Proverbs 6:20-21
When Morgan’s dryer broke last week, she called Jeff.
When she needed an opinion on red high heels, she asked me.
Solomon wrote these words of Proverbs 6 not only to his own son, but to all children learning to bear the Family Name.
Guard the truths you’ve been entrusted with; don’t throw them away. Stretch them around your own life; bind them around your own circumstances.
Remember what your daddy told you. And if your mama said do it (or not), then do it (or not).
God planned for the young to learn His ways from the older.
It goes much deeper than burned-out dryer fuses and dress shoes. Be alert to godly wisdom from the mature.
It can keep you away from fires and outfit you to live with the King.
* * * 
Are you memorizing anything?
Be proactive to keep His commandments and teachings in your heart.
Join us at Joanne’s for Memory Monday.
If it won’t matter then…it shouldn’t matter now
A Severe Mercy includes correspondence between its author Sheldon Vanauken and C. S. Lewis. In this portion, Lewis is advising the bereaving Vanauken about his late wife Jean:
Forgive me for suggesting that the form ‘what Jean would have liked’ could come to have its dangers.
The real question is what she wills now; and you may be sure her will is now one with God’s.
Now that my dad is gone, when my siblings and I have to make decisions concerning his estate, 
But sometimes, when I think it through, I think what Daddy might have answered then, and what Daddy would answer now, might not be the same thing.
For example, back then, he documented every penny he spent. But now, I’m guessing he wouldn’t see that detailed accountability as critically important after all.
I wish I could let go now of my own “back then” mindset, and live more frequently in an afterlife mindset.
What will matter to me once I’m in heaven?
Will I feel guilty that I ate an extra helping of peach cobbler on June 26, 2010? Or that I never cleaned my baseboards like they needed it? Or that I probably spent too much time reading this week instead of doing next year’s lesson plans?
I don’t think I’ll give those things a second thought then.
So neither should I now.
Set your minds on things that are above,
not on things that are on earth.
Colossians 3:2
* * *
Read Stefani’s post, Unit #8 and her Partridge Family lunchbox, which, along with A Severe Mercy, sparked my thoughts. Read more inspirational posts at Charlotte and Ginger’s.
5 lessons from Benjamin Franklin
Here are 5 things I learned from
The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin.
I’ve been intentionally reading more (and lovin’ it) this week while Jenna is at camp. Mr. Franklin speaks highly of reading in so many places in his autobiography.
This library afforded me the means of improvement by constant study, for which I set apart an hour or two each day… Reading was the only amusement I allow'd myself. I spent no time in taverns, games, or frolicks of any kind.
(But maybe he was a wee extreme? Do allow time for frolicks of some kind.)
2. Hone your writing skills.
You never know when they’ll come in handy. Framing my thoughts inside words has been an emotional lifesaver for me this season.
.. I wrote and printed an anonymous pamphlet on it… and they happening to have no writers among them that were able to answer it, their opposition slacken'd.
…My friends there, who conceiv'd I had been of some service, thought fit to reward me by employing me in printing the money; a very profitable jobb and a great help to me. This was another advantage gain'd by my being able to write.
3. Sometimes Plan B is better than Plan A.
Can you imagine if Ben Franklin had been a swimming instructor instead of…well, all the things he ended up being?
…from this incident, I thought it likely that, if I were to remain in England and open a swimming-school, I might get a good deal of money; and it struck me so strongly, that, had the overture been sooner made me, probably I should not so soon have returned to America.
Sometimes I play “what if” my life had turned out the way I had planned it. Oh my. I’m glad God didn’t let it!
As I watched my mom not want to get out of bed on Wednesday or eat any lunch at all, I was reminded that maybe it was best that my dad died first so that he was spared these scenes, and so that I would take better advantage of what time I have left with Mama.
4. Don’t hog your blessings; share them freely.
Gov'r. Thomas was so pleas'd with the construction of this stove, as described in it, that he offered to give me a patent for the sole vending of them for a term of years; but I declin'd it from a principle which has ever weighed with me on such occasions, viz., That, as we enjoy great advantages from the inventions of others, we should be glad of an opportunity to serve others by any invention of ours; and this we should do freely and generously.
We may not think of compliments as inventions, but I have a friend Julie who so freely thinks of nice things to say to me that I feel like she deserves a patent for her creativity. She was in a car wreck on Friday, and the first thing she said to me when I saw her in the hospital was how pretty I looked in that color shirt and how she loved my haircut (what?).
So when you have a good thought or creation, give it away! At least two people will be blessed by it.
5. Be nice.
It’s simple. But I still need reminding often. You, too?
...in the course of my observation, these disputing, contradicting, and confuting people are generally unfortunate in their affairs. They get victory sometimes, but they never get good will, which would be of more use to them.
The aids at my mom’s assisted living facility have plenty of opportunities to “dispute, contradict, and confute” those who are doing so with them. But I see them choose love instead.
On Wednesday when my mom kept telling Rea (over and over) that people who are sick should be left alone, Rea kept telling my mom how much she loved her. (I recommend this place to any I know who are looking!)
Remember: Nice wins.
* * *
First it was Thomas Edison. Now, Benjamin Franklin.
What have you learned anew from the old guys?
Share your blessings this week with our friends at Susanne’s for Friday’s Fave Five.
It has to be God
Relationships. Life. Everything.
There’s no explanation otherwise.
Today I talked with Heather, an acquaintance I met one time in the medical world with my mom.
She’s worried about her grandmother with Alzheimer’s. So she called me. I was able to share information about the path we’ve been walking that she needs to know for the path she’s now walking.
It has to be God.
So I’m praying today for Heather’s grandma. And for Heather. And for other friends in troubling situations. And for me in mine.
We’re all in trouble without Him. But we all can be rescued by Him.
It has to be God.
From Him.
Through Him.
To Him.
All things.
It has to be God.
For from him and through him and to him are all things.
To him be glory forever. Amen.
Romans 11:36
Go worship Him.
God.
…that’s why biblical worship is God-focused (God is clearly seen), God-centered (God is clearly the priority), and God-exalting (God is clearly honored).
Gathering to praise God can’t be a means to some “greater” end, such as church growth, evangelism, or personal ministry. God isn’t a genie we summon by rubbing the bottle called “worship.”
He doesn’t exist to help us get where we really want to go.
God is where we want to go.
So God’s glory is the end of our worship, and not simply a means to something else. In the midst of a culture that glorifies our pitiful accomplishments in countless ways, we gather each week to proclaim God’s wondrous deeds and to glory in his supreme value. He is holy, holy, holy.
There is no one, and nothing, like the Lord.
WORSHIP MATTERS, p.177
by Bob Kauflin
How to write a love letter
If you google “How to write a love letter,”
you’ll find these kinds of tips:
Use nice stationery and write it by hand. Hire a calligrapher if you must.
- Open intimately. Don’t use a formal salutation.
- Recite virtues of your beloved. Use key words like “angelic, darling, beautiful, elation, happy, complete, adoring, heart…”
- Carefully craft the closing. Don’t simply end, “Love, Lisa.”
- Insert something special in the envelope (flower petals, a spritz of perfume, etc.).
So how does God stack up on this?
He wrote us a very long love letter (66 books long).
- He used materials with enduring quality, with scribes meticulously copying the copies for posterity for thousands of years.
- He addresses us as beloved, friends, children, sons and daughters.
- He attributes to us perfect qualities, the exact qualities of Jesus!, so we can be called righteous.
- He promises us grace and peace and love and mercy for all eternity.
- He inserted His very Son into our world along with His letters as a true guarantee and proof of His love.
No one can match His letters.
But I write Him anyway.
I have nothing to offer...but me.
* * *
Read a specially-worded letter “from God,” using His words of scripture truths, at
Father’s Love Letter
My church was blessed to hear it read last Sunday.
Listen to “Leaving a legacy through letters” on the Focus on the Family daily broadcast, aired June 18, 2010, based on Greg Vaughn’s book and ministry, “Letters from Dad.”
Visit with our fellow love letter writers at Holy Experience.
Wondrous Words Wednesday
Join Kathy to learn even more.
All my words are from A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken. He writes very rich and poetic prose.
1. mot juste
(n) [moh ZHYST]
Definition—the exact, appropriate word [French]
Use—“If any single word captures the essence of her—the mot juste for her, always—it is that: eager.”
(n) [skuht]
Definition—a short tail, esp. that of a hare, rabbit, or deer
Use—“He thought of the curious excitement of waiting for birds to burst upwards or even a rabbit’s white scut bounding across a field.”
(n) [fes]
Definition—a wide horizontal band forming the middle section of an escutcheon (the plate on the stern of a ship inscribed with the ship's name)
Use—“We designed and had a jeweler make grey-goose signet rings in gold like a coat-of-arms: the grey goose, fess, flying over stylized waves at the base, and above it and ahead, dexter, a tiny sapphire star.”
4. bosun
(n) [BOH-suhn]
Definition—a boatswain; a warrant officer on a warship, or a petty officer on a merchant vessel, in charge of rigging, anchors, cables, etc.
Use—“No bosun’s pipes twittered, and other officers and men went calmly about their duties while the ship 
5. yardarm
(n) [YAHRD-ahrm]
Definition—either of the outer portions of the yard of a square sail
Use—“I was the one who—because of another shadow cross, oddly, the shadow of the destroyer’s yardarm—was some day, maybe, going to have another look at Christianity, not Davy.”
* * *
Where have you learned new words this week?
“Noticing” breath - Corner View
How long can you hold your breath?
Try it now.
[Use this online stopwatch]
Did you make 50 seconds?
If you’re an adult in moderately good health, you should have.
We take an average of 10-20 breaths per minute, breathing in and out every 4-5 seconds, more when we exercise and more among the youngest.
We can live only 4-6 minutes without oxygen.
Yet we rarely notice our breathing.
It comes so naturally we don’t think about it.
Until it doesn’t. Then we can think of nothing else. It signals we’re in distress. Slow down. Come up for air. Breathe deeper.
Moving air is life. Inhales and exhales.
We need stirring.
We need an efficient flow of Spirit, in and out.
Notice Him. He’s on the move.
In his hand is the life of every living thing
and the breath of all mankind.
Job 12:10
* * *
For more interpretations of noticing, visit the links at Jane’s.
What’s on your nightstand?—June
Since only yesterday I posted my wrap-up to Spring Reading Thing 2010, I’ll keep this short.
Finished from May’s nightstand
1. Worship Matters ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
by Bob Kauflin
This goes to the heart of worship. Excellent.
2. The Bruised Reed ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
by Richard Sibbes
This was the group book with Challies.com. We’ll start back on July 8 reading Arnold Dallimore’s biography on Charles Spurgeon. You still have time to join up now!
3. Sheet Music ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
by Kevin Leman
This isn’t the kind of sheet music that sits on your piano. If you’re married, read it.
4. The Heart Mender ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
by Andy Andrews
It’s a novel based on a true story in Alabama in the 1940s.
Continuing
5. The Happiness Project
by Gretchen Rubin
June’s goal on Gretchen’s blog has been Order. The goals for each week have been:
Week 21: Don’t get organized
Week 22: Follow the one-minute rule
Week 23: Find an exact place for things
Week 24: Clear a surface
Just started 
6. The Checklist Manifesto
by Atul Gawande
This is the one I can’t put down! Written by a surgeon, he’s building a case for how something as simple as a checklist has saved thousands of lives.
7. A Severe Mercy
by Sheldon Vanauken
It’s a love story between a man and a woman, and between them and God.
8. Broken-Down House
by Paul David Tripp
Tripp’s books always speak to me in bottom-line language. This one is about living a holy life despite having a sinful heart and living in a sinful world.
9. Pride and Prejudice
by Jane Austen
By popular vote last month, you all picked this Jane Austen book for me to read. It’s fun.
10. The DNA of Relationships
by Gary Smalley, Greg Smalley, Michael Smalley, Robert Paul
Yes, it’s about relationships. “Life is relationships; the rest is just details.” So far it’s very good.
* * *
What book are you reading this month?
Stay in your lane
What I’m memorizing:
Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil.
Proverbs 4:27
It was about 9 p.m. last Wednesday night. Jenna and I had left our church 20 minutes earlier, and were about 2 miles from home.
Few street lights illuminate this stretch; the road was dark. Except for the headlights from two cars coming towards us. One in the right lane; one in the wrong lane.
No problem. Until they both got closer. And the one in the wrong lane stayed in the wrong lane.
Go ahead and pass, buddy! Get over! Now!
I immediately looked for escape routes to the right or to the left for our car. A deep ditch on both sides. Slightly up ahead was a driveway to the right, but which way would the crazy car go? And would the timing be right for me to slip into the driveway?
I began braking, but I was still hoping, Surely this guy is going to get back on his side!
And in a flash, he did. Everybody was back in their correct lane. Disaster averted. This time. Praise God.
But on Friday morning, my friend Julie didn’t escape so easily. Traffic was stalling on the interstate, and everybody started switching lanes. As she slowed down, the black SUV behind her didn’t. She woke up in the hospital with bleeding on the brain. Thankfully, 24 hours later, she had totally recovered, minus several cuts and lots of soreness, and I got to take her home. Praise God.
When everyone obeys the rules and drives on the right side of the road, nobody gets hurt.
But people aren’t that way. We aren’t that way. They and we cross the line, out of ignorance or the thrill of adventure or from stupidity or by mistake.
And we get injured by it. And sometimes others get injured by it, too.
So don’t do it. Stay alert. Turn away from evil. Keep your foot on God’s path for you, and don’t swerve to the right or the left (Proverbs 4:27).
Stay on your side of the road.
You're safest there.
And so is everybody else.
* * * 
Have you ever been hit by someone not staying in their lane?
Have you seen sin do the same thing?
Join us at Joanne’s for more Memory Monday.
Spring Reading Thing 2010 – Best books
Here is my top favorite (or two) in each category:
Overall favorite
Worship Matters
…because it lifts your thoughts higher to the One who deserves all praise. Author Bob Kauflin methodically explains that how and why you worship God really does matter.
Reliving the Passion
…because it’s short enough for you to take time to stop and sit with, yet deep enough to give you much to reflect on about Jesus’ suffering, death, and resurrection as recorded in the book of Mark. It was a great Lent devotional for me.
Most practical
66 Love Letters
…because it ties the whole Bible together, book by book, into an overall unifying theme.
Learning to Speak Alzheimer’s
…because I needed more knowledge on how to more effectively participate in my mom’s care.
Simply for pleasure
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
…because it’s just a delight to read, to temporarily get lost in another world.
The Heart Mender
…because it’s a love story and a lesson on forgiveness and a WW2 history education all-in-one.
Raciest
Sheet Music
…because author Kevin Leman tells it how it is and how it can be in the Christian bedroom.
Most inspirational
Radical
…because it pushes you beyond your comfort zone of what your Christianity should look like.
Plan B
…because life will not go the way you plan. Author Pete Wilson helps you make sense of that.
* * *
Reading Lessons
1. Take notes.
Mark pages. Highlight words. The process alone helps with retention, even if you never review it. If you’re going to invest your time in reading, take a few extra minutes to ensure you remember the best parts.
2. Let it settle.
Your opinion of a book can change midstream, or even after you’ve finished it. Give it time to ripen in you before you draw a final conclusion. I found that out with Plan B.
3. Leave room for surprises.
When making a reading list, don’t schedule so many books that you have no room for extras to sneak in. Sometimes the unplanned books turn out to be your favorites. When Sheet Music became available for free on the Kindle, I took it, and I’m glad I did.
4. If you need it, read it.
Even if you don’t want to. You still need to learn things, right? Force yourself, if you must, but at least occasionally read a book because it’s good for you. And others. That’s why I’m reading books on Alzheimer’s.
5. Old doesn’t necessarily mean outdated.
Don’t judge an old book by its dusty cover. Old books contain thoughts that will be new to you. And if they’re still around for you to read, there’s usually a reason. The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin proved that to me this spring.
* * *
The whole list:
- Forgotten God, Francis Chan
- 66 Love Letters, Larry Crabb
- Worship Matters, Bob Kauflin
- Counterfeit Gods, Tim Keller
- A Hunger for God, John Piper
- The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, Mary Ann Shaffer
- The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin, Benjamin Franklin
- Reliving the Passion, Walter Wangerin Jr
- Learning to Speak Alzheimer’s, Joanne Koenig Coste
- The 36-Hour Day, Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabins
- Radical, David Platt
- Plan B, Pete Wilson
- New Hope for People w/ Alzheimer’s & Their Caregivers, Porter Shimer
- I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy, Angie Smith
- The Heart Mender, Andy Andrews
- Sheet Music, Kevin Leman
* * *
What favorite book did you read this spring?
See more Spring Reading Thing 2010 wrap-ups.
Father’s Day, year 1, without my father
No gift to buy.
No card to sign.
No dad to hug.
I remember our last “disagreement.” I got angry at his opposition to his church friends bringing meals. He was fiercely independent and didn’t want to accept help. But I wanted him to let others love him.
He said it was too late for him to change.
But it wasn’t.
Nobody knew that in only two weeks, on Valentine’s Day morning, he would be changing forever.
I left his kitchen table in tears of frustration. I wept in the garage. My brother followed me out.
And a few minutes after that, my dad. He wanted me to understand. I couldn’t, but I agreed anyway. Because my daddy was dying; we all knew that. I had been wrong to argue. He needed to call his own shots as long as he could. Let him go out the way he wanted to.
So what happened? He quickly grew too weak to argue, too weak to notice, and eventually too weak to eat. People brought food, even though he was unaware. They loved him despite his independence, maybe partially because of his independence.
I did, too.
I respected my dad. He was super intelligent and could fix anything and was as dependable as anyone I’d ever known. But in the end, intelligence couldn’t give him an answer and he couldn’t fix his own cancer and his loyalty to my mom couldn’t overcome death.
And his independence turned to dependence turned to freedom.
I’m thankful he’s free now. I’m glad he doesn’t have to see how much my mom has deteriorated since he died. I’m grateful he’s released from having to be the strong one, and is now in the arms of the Strong One.
I miss him more than I ever knew I could. But I’m glad I had him as my father as long as I did. He shaped me and led me and loved me.
And I wish I could buy a gift for him today (although I ran out of good ideas years ago) and sign a Father’s Day card and give him a hug.
But I can’t. And that’s okay. I had my chances. And I took them.
Life changes. It forces us to change with it. Ready or not, this Father’s Day is a big change for me.
I whisper a prayer to the original Father to, “Tell my daddy I love him,” although I suspect he’s more aware of it now than ever, in a place where he’s free.
But until I’m as free as he is, I still need to say it, to pray it.
So,
Happy Father’s Day, Daddy!
I love you,
Lisa
* * *
“Wisdom from an elder”—five life lessons from my dad
“Is this heaven or hell?”—Daddy’s hard questions
“Open the bottle—honor the Father”—it’s what I want to do
“Five things I’m keeping”—what I want of his
“This So Called Love”—Then Sings My Soul Saturdays
This simple, short song captivates me every time I hear it. It’s the last track on Mercy Me’s latest CD, The Generous Mr. Lovewell, but that doesn’t mean it’s the least.
It sums it all up.
(And if you need proof, read 1 Corinthians 13:1-3).
This So Called Love
Mercy Me
LYRICS
I can be there for you when it can't get much harder
I can cover your head when life starts to rain
I can hold on tight when it feels like you're falling
I can bread crumb the path when you've lost your way
I can make you laugh when the whole world is crying
I can build you up when you're broken in shame
But if all that we do is absent of Jesus,
Then this so called love is completely in vain...
So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three;
but the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13
* * *
5 things I’m learning from those with Alzheimer’s
she’s still teaching me life lessons as I watch her.
Here are five things I’ve been learning from her and others in her assisted living facility.
1. Take baby steps.
Tasks that we find simple, like washing your hair, can be quite overwhelming to those with Alzheimer’s. We don’t think of them as the multi-step processes they are.
So I’m learning that breaking things into baby steps—one thing at a time—works far better with my mom. Don’t say, “We’re going to the doctor.” Start instead with, “Let’s stand up.”
So when I’m overwhelmed with my own tasks, sometimes looking only at what I need to do next works best for me, too.
2. Ask for what you need.
I’ve noticed that many of the residents have no hang-ups about asking any passerby for what they need. I’ve been asked to take people home, to make phone calls, to find their husband, to get drinks, etc.
I’m not usually able to fulfill their requests but I appreciate their understanding that to get what you need, sometimes you’ve got to ask for help. I’m slow in this area; I’ll often go without, if it means asking for help to get it. This lesson I really need to take to heart.
3. Staying put is easier than moving on.
But it’s not always better.
My mom does not like transitions. At all. She may want to go to bed, but she doesn’t want to leave the chair she’s in to get there.
I don’t always like taking the actions required either to get from where I am to where I want to be. But sometimes we just gotta take ‘em anyway. If Mama can do it, I can, too.
4. Life won’t always make sense.
Mrs. B told me yesterday, “This is a strange place.” They keep taking her to a strange room, she said, instead of her own room.
Yes, Mrs. B, this is a strange place for all of us.
But that’s okay. We don’t always have to understand life to live it well. We just need to know that there is Someone who knows exactly what’s going on, and who is loving us through it.
5. Your most important moment? This one.
Live here.
While thinking about our past and planning for our future are definitely worthwhile and necessary activities, the present is where we should live. I’m learning that, too, from my mom. More and more.
She now lives with no regrets, no guilt. Neither does she worry about what the future holds, what she will eat or wear tomorrow. She’s present in the moment.
Not a bad example to be setting, Mama... Thank you.
31 Do not be anxious, saying,
'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'
32 …your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.
33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness,
and all these things will be added to you.
34 Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.
Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Matthew 6
* * *
What lesson have you learned from your mama lately?
For more Friday favorites, meet with our friends at Susanne’s.
Do you use music? Or does music use you?
I don’t even have to think about them. They just come out of my mouth.
So I need to be careful.
As Prince and I sang When Doves Cry in between bites of roast beef, my mind went back to how many times I listened to his Purple Rain album and Morris Day and the Time. And how many times I watched the movie Purple Rain. [Disclaimer: Not a good movie. Do not watch it.]
But it was the music. The music drew me in.
And it kept me there to say things I didn’t mean. Over and over.
I don’t want to do that.
I don’t want music to use me that way.
I’m thankful now that I can keep my radio tuned to Christian stations where the odds are significantly higher that I can sing Truth.
And I’m very thankful that I can sing songs with my church that echo Biblical truths and are often direct quotes from Scripture itself.
Lyrics DO matter.
A catchy rhythm is NOT enough.
Both heart and head need to be in tune if I’m going to glorify God.
The more I know about the Lord, the more I want Him to be the subject of my songs. And the more He fills me when I praise Him, the more I want to learn about Him.
Mind and heart belong together. Strong, passionate desires for God flow from and encourage the faithful, thoughtful study of God—his nature, character, and works.
We’re deceived when we think we can have one without the other. God intends us to have both.
If our doctrine is accurate but our hearts are cold toward God himself, our corporate worship will be true but lifeless.
Or if we express fervent love for God but present vague, inaccurate, or incomplete ideas of him to those we’re leading, our worship will be emotional but misleading—and possibly idolatrous.
Neither option brings God glory.
~ Bob Kauflin, Worship Matters
Chapter 3: MY MIND: WHAT DO I BELIEVE?
Instead of singing things that make no sense to me or, even worse, are blatantly false about my reality in Christ’s kingdom, like:
Touch if you will my stomach
Feel how it trembles inside
You've got the butterflies all tied up
Don't make me chase you
Even doves have pride
How can you just leave me standing?
Alone in a world so cold?
Maybe I'm just too demanding
Maybe I'm just like my father too bold
Maybe you're just like my mother
She's never satisfied
Why do we scream at each other
This is what it sounds like
When doves cry
~ Prince
from When Doves Cry
I want to sing God-honoring truth:
He became sin
Who knew no sin
That we might become His Righteousness
He humbled himself and carried the cross
Jesus Messiah
Name above all names
Blessed Redeemer
Emmanuel
The rescue for sinners
The ransom from Heaven
Jesus Messiah
Lord of all
All our hope is in You
All our hope is in You
All the glory to You, God
The light of the world
~ Chris Tomlin
from Jesus Messiah
I don’t want music to use me.
I want to use music...
to please Him.
Sing what you mean and mean what you sing.
* * *
How often do you consider what lyrics come out of your mouth?
What helps you stay focused on the words?
“Sheet Music”
We talk around it more than we talk about it.
But it’s not quiet in any marriage.
Especially if it’s very bad.
Or especially if it’s very good.
If it’s not good, he says try this and make it better.
If it’s already great, he says try that and make it phenomenal.
Mainly, he says try it.
I can be very direct with spouses when I'm talking about this. If you really love your spouse and he or she, to put it bluntly, really wants your body, you're being selfish if you withhold it.
That's not to say we're never selfish, because all of us are from time to time, but you can't make a marriage grow from a selfish attitude for a long period of time.
Eventually your selfishness will kill it.
As you might expect, he advises women: think more about it.
And he advises men: help out more in every other way if you want more time with your wife.
I spend a lot of time trying to help women get more active in the bedroom and trying to help men get more active everywhere else. If we could just meet each other halfway on this, most marriages would do fine.
A good lover works just as hard outside the bedroom as he does inside it.
While Leman never strays far from his main topic, he also address a few general marital issues that bleed over into this area. Because…
When you improve your marriage, you'll usually improve your sex life. When you improve your sex life, you'll usually improve the rest of your marriage.
The two are intricately entwined, so making more effort in any one area is a very good investment.
But he says a lot of other things that you may or may not expect. You can be the judge of that.
Sometimes Leman uses metaphors.
Many men think of sex as the great eraser… The male mind, “Since we had sex, everything must be okay.”
A woman doesn't work that way. For her, problems erase sex; sex doesn't erase problems.
Other times he spells it out plainly.
What is the greatest enemy of sex among women?
Not weight gain.
Not lack of information.
Not financial troubles.
Not having young kids.
It is weariness.
To overcome that, Leman says cut things out of your schedule. Get away together. Take care of the conflicts. Make sacrifices.
The greatest enemy of sex for men?
It is not weariness.
It is lack of enthusiasm from their wives.
Husbands want to be needed, wanted, prized. A wife who can make her husband feel desired will have a very happy husband.
Leman challenges wives this way:
The choice is yours:
By your willingness, attitude, and words, you can make your husband feel like the luckiest man on the face of the planet; or, by your repeated denials, cutting remarks, and resentment, you can emasculate him and make him feel miserable.That's a lot of power! But our Creator must have felt you could handle this power since he designed men and women this way.
If God were to measure your kindness and generosity solely by how well you treat your husband in this area, what do you think he would say?
This book has a chapter for women only and a chapter for men only. And chapters about...well, read it for yourself to find that out.
You have a choice to give yourself to this person fully or, for whatever reason, to hold yourself back.
If you hold yourself back, you both lose. Marriage is a voluntary mutual submission to one another.
. . .
Once you've stood up in front of your family and friends and said, “I do,” don't turn around at night and say, “I don't.”
[DISCLAIMER: This book is not meant to be a cure-all for serious sexual issues, although it could be of help. Dr. Leman (a certified psychiatrist/counselor) would be the first to tell you to seek godly counseling to overcome past or present traumas.]
* * *
Secrets to a Lasting Marriage
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