Not divide and conquer; unify and conquer

How wonderful, how beautiful, when brothers and sisters get along!
Psalm 133:1 (The Message)

Pastor Mark was preaching it hard on Sunday. Our “ministry of love” is reconciliation of relationships (2 Corinthians 5:18). How will others know who we are? By our love.

It was important to Jesus; it should be important to us (John 17:21).

This past weekend I spent time with three of my lifelong friends. We all grew up in the same small town and went to the same small church. But we graduated from two different colleges, now live in three different cities, and are part of four different churches.

But we spent Friday all together in Auburn, proving unity doesn’t call for uniformity. Because not all four of us are equal Auburn fans (and one is no Auburn fan at all). My bff Alicia is the biggest Auburn fan I know, yet she married a University of Alabama man, lived in Tuscaloosa for a time, and sent her sons to college there. She proves you don’t have to totally agree on everything to be unified.

Love is not divide and conquer, Pastor Mark reminded us.
It is unify and conquer.

Regardless of our different preferences and tastes and team affiliations, my friends and I share a core, common love of Jesus Christ. He’s at the heart of our friendship. May our love for each other prove it to be so.

By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.
John 13:35

* * *

Who can you love this week and show you are Jesus’s disciple?

Five favorites of friendship—then and now

Do you have friends you’ve known since childhood?

God blessed me at our little country church with Kathy and Julie at two years old, and Alicia the summer before we all entered 6th grade.

In 1982, against the advice (but not the express forbidding) of my dad, we four girls drove to the beach—a daring venture for us four church mice.

And after 29 years, we returned.

Some things about friendships never change.

Old memories blend into fresh ones...then and now...1982 and 2011.
My 4 Corners friendship.

1. Together, problems are more manageable. 
In 1982 it was a leaky raft, unruly hair, broken light bulbs.
In 2011 it was a flatter-than-flat tire, timing problems, cold weather.No matter. Together, friends handle those things and much more.
Much more.

2. Table-time is essential.
You know what I’m talking about. Eating together is always involved in friendships, right?

In 1982 we enjoyed fresh shrimp at Capt. Anderson’s.In 2011 we shared fried green tomatoes and a Krispy Kreme unChristmas bread pudding (yes, it was delicious!) at Lulu’s. Friends definitely must eat together!

3. You do things together—but talking matters the most. 
In 1982 we played miniature golf and walked the Strip and stayed up almost until dawn. And talked and talked and talked.In 2011 we sat and looked out at the ocean. A lot. And played Yahtzee. And talked and talked and talked.Does it matter what you’re doing with friends, as long as you’re talking your way through it?

4. You know your friendship is special.  
In 1982 we were thankful to have each other as friends and sisters.In 2011 we still are. It’s more than luck that we ended up together again at the beach; it’s a blessing from God.Friends don’t take friends for granted.

5. Friends in Christ are truly friends forever. 
In 1982 the ultimate foundation of our friendship was our individual relationships to Christ.In 2011 Christ still comes first in us. We’re sisters even deeper than we are friends.And Christ’s blood in us will keep us friends throughout eternity.

* * *

(I was expressly forbidden and happily agreed to NOT post pictures of this year’s beach attire. :-) I guess some things do change.)

Which aspect of friendship do you relate most to?

1. Together, problems are more manageable.
2. Table-time is essential.
3. You do things together—but talking matters the most.
4. You know your friendship is special.
5. Friends in Christ are truly friends forever.

Flat tires, Full thanks

If God’s love was sufficient for my greatest need, my eternal salvation, surely it is sufficient for my lesser needs,
the adversities I encounter in this life.
~ Jerry Bridges, Trusting God

I pick up Kathy.
Together we pick up Alicia.
On our way to pick up Julie, we pick up...a piece of aluminum.
In my tire.

I hear the sound of trouble first. A hiss.
Did somebody roll down a window? Did the wind suddenly kick up?
Or...is air leaving a tire?

Then I feel the bump of trouble.
And pulling over to the side of the road, I see the source of trouble.
Metal in rubber.

The beginning of our first 4-day vacation together in 29 years was off to a flat start.

If God can handle the biggest need I have—eternal salvation—can he not handle a flat tire?

Certainly.

And he handled it quite well.
•    We weren’t yet on the interstate
•    Jeff was available and only twenty minutes away
•    It never rained on us as 100% predicted
•    Big Ten Tires was only 3 miles away and quickly patched us up

The slight adversity of this flat tire was an inconvenience to be sure, but God sent it wrapped in blessings. The only thing it cost us was a little time. 

But it squeezed out of us a lot of gratitude.

Sometimes we’re more thankful in the rescue from trouble than if we’d had no trouble at all.

Seeing the trouble first helps us see the blessings more clearly.

The remainder of our week we remembered how good God had been to us—and remembered more—not in spite of having a flat tire, but because of it.

---

Continue counting His gifts...

# 48....50
~ the God who answers all my cries
~ a cell-phone answering husband who drops everything to serve me 
~ rescues from troubles I know about and ones I never even see

# 51....54
~ Milo hamburgers; Garmin GPS; feet buried in sand; money for gas

# 55....59
~ a 5-day new record praying with Jeff
~ an afternoon singing & praying with Christ-believers
~ a real reason to re-learn Spanish
~ Jenna & I running into the Jelly Belly Mobile on tour  
~ risking a spin on the Jelly Belly Bean-Boozled wheel

# 60....61
~ the free Lenten “I AM” devotional written by my friend Michelle
~ the hard-copy gifted to me by my friend Dianna

# 62....66
~ faith; peace; grace; hope...
~ ...and sufferings (but I’m only grateful sometimes—still working on it)
~ Romans 5:1-5

# 67
~ a growing confidence that God works through big things and little things

* * *

Do you remember to thank God more when you see a save?

Don’t send the card?

Sometimes sending a card to the hurting
is the right thing to do.

A card isn’t intrusive. It doesn’t demand a response from the recipient who often has little energy anyway.

It just arrives quietly, tangibly, to whisper, “I care.”

I remind myself monthly to send a note to a friend whose beloved son was murdered last year. I don’t want to bug her with phone calls. I don’t want to put more burdens on her to reply back.

I just want her to know I remember. And I’m praying.

So I send a card. Usually. But it didn’t happen this week. And when I looked for a card today, I couldn’t find the right one.

Sometimes not sending a card is the right thing to do.

So I sent her a Facebook message instead. With similar words that I might have put in a card. “Been praying….You stay on my mind a lot...”

And she responded.

I didn’t expect it. It was a gift. I learned that times are still hard. Grief is still heavy. And new problems don’t stay away just because old ones linger.

So I’m re-armed with up-to-date prayer requests for my friend.

       Renewed by the faith she carries so bravely  
       (even though she can’t always see that herself). 

               Refreshed by the grace of her reply.

Because I didn’t send a card this month.

* * *

When has your Plan B worked better than your Plan A?

Related:

• 5 Ways to Really Sympathize in a Sympathy Card
• The Backup Gift
• Do Your 1 Small Thing

Friday’s Fave Five

1. Yearly Sleepover
Not only did the 4 Corners cram in food, conversations, and prayer last Friday night, but we also planned a 4-day trip to the beach in March. We haven’t done that since I was 19 (see above—ha). Praying all the details will work out!

2. Out of my food zone
My friend Selwyn won an auction for “Dinner with C.C.” on Saturday night, benefiting The Way. C.C. Fridlin treated us to a Barcelona Evening with a Paris Twist.

I ate my first Roasted Asparagus!

C.C. also fed us some delicious Tostadas De Ajo, Paella Del Sol, and an apple Tart Tatin. Oh my!3. Rowdy family night
Our Bible study group had such a great night of fellowship last Sunday at Gerry’s house, filled with laughing, praising, praying, and planning for 2011. And of course, eating (I’m detecting a theme here…)

4. And another great family night
On Wednesday night our church shared about fellowship opportunities within the body. I was so encouraged especially hearing about and from new Christians in our college ministry.

5. But a day/night at home is great too!
While I truly enjoyed # 1-4 being out with people I love, I also really enjoyed yesterday having a full day and night at home just with Jeff and Jenna, nowhere to go and nothing to do but regular stuff. Ahhh...

* * *

Did you spend time with friends this week, too?

RELATED:

• Spend the night
• Friends for life
• The Gatherings

5 ways to really sympathize in a sympathy card

Going to the mailbox is a highlight of my day lately. I treasure every expression of kindness I receive there. 

When you want to help someone going through a loss,
here are 5 ways to add special comfort in a sympathy card. 

1. Make it personal  
Write something by hand, even if it’s just restating the stamped message (i.e., I’m sorry for your loss). That simple, personal touch makes a card extra-special. I received these notes below on a card from the precious 6th graders we taught in Bible class. They’re priceless.  2. Share a memory 
If you knew the deceased, say something about a shared experience or a happy memory. It will mean the world to their loved one.  3. Spread the Word  
 Write out a comforting Bible verse in your card. My friend Louise writes at least one verse on every card she sends me, and she sends me a lot. Make a list of scriptures that are appropriate to share so you’ll have one handy when needed. 4. Show some love 
 If you feel any affection at all for the person you’re sending the card to, go all out and sign it with “Love, ___.” Your friend won’t think you’re sappy; he/she will appreciate your sentiment. Feeling loved is the most comforting gift they can receive from you. 5. Mail it any time.  
It’s never too late to send a sympathy card. Don’t think the moment has passed and you missed it. You haven’t. Sometimes the card that arrives much later is valued even more because it’s the only one in a lonely mailbox after weeks or months of drought.  

If you’re one who’s been blessed by receiving cards in the mail, you already know what I’m talking about.

And if you’re one of the blessed ones who already sends those cards, may God bless you doubly for doing so!

* * *

Have you been touched by cards, too?

Related:

• Use words to encourage
• Can you comfort?
• A ministry of encouragement

The gatherings—Friday’s Fave Five

Each week we gather to share five favorite moments from the last 7 days.
My favorites this week are times I gathered - with friends, family, and even strangers.

For more favorites, visit Susanne’s space.

1. With the 4 CornersWe’ve been having sleepovers every year since we were in the 6th grade. We don’t stay up as late as we used to, but we still share all our secrets just the same. These are some of my closest spiritual sisters—I love them so much!

2. With the extended familyIt’s been a few months, but hopefully we’ve restarted our monthly tradition of sharing food and time together. This time we met at the clubhouse of my mom’s assisted living. 

3. With the drama queens (and kings) The hard work of Jenna’s drama group paid off! They were hilarious in their play Tuesday night. I had fun both watching them, and in gathering with old friends to catch up after the play was over.

4. With my brother
A positive side-effect of the shift in my family structure is that my siblings and I spend tons of extra time together as we straighten out finances and pull together in caring for my mom.

My brother and I have taken on some joint responsibilities, so I’ve spent more one-on-one time with him the past 6 months than ever. Together we’ve seen lawyers, doctors, and yesterday, bankers, followed by lunch.

I love how God designed my family by letting Lane be my big brother. He’s the best. And I’m not just saying that because he’s my only brother.

5. With new friendsJenna and I visited with my mom outside in the rocking chairs last night. There we met two brand new friends. One suggested we move our party into the parlor. Since every gathering room at the assisted living seems to have a piano, when they asked if anybody could play, I had to admit I could.

So once again we had an impromptu sing-along, and once again, nobody complained about how awful my playing is (or that the E flat key didn’t work). Being together and singing together outranks the quality of my skills. And thankfully God doesn’t measure our praise by human standards but by our hearts’ intentions.

* * *

Thanks for gathering here today!
Please share a comment below about one of your favorites this week. Let’s give thanks together!

“God Gave Me You”—Then Sings My Soul Saturdays

My husband has always been the best, but even more so the past few months. As my life’s responsibilities have shifted, his life has been affected, too. But he doesn’t complain; he just does what needs to be done, and goes on.

He’s a great example to me, a great help to me, and a great friend to me.

To my sweet Jeff:
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you  

* * *

Join our friends at Amy’s for more great songs.

 

God Gave Me You
Dave Barnes
LYRICS

I’ve been a walking heartache
I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately
Ain’t who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me
Watch as the storm blows through
And I need you

CHORUS:
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

There’s more here than what were seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
I’ll be the flattered fool
And I need you

CHORUS

On my own I’m only
Half of what I could be
I can’t do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I could baby, never undo

CHORUS

Friends for life (Nov 28 – Thanks)

I have three friends that I’ve known forever. We get together at set times every year.

One of those times is Thanksgiving weekend.

Today we met for lunch and catch-up.

We dug into each other’s lives as quickly and thoroughly as best friends do.

Eight parents, four husbands, ten kids, four girl/boyfriends, one s-i-l, and one future grandchild (!) later, we were up to par in the particulars of each other’s lives.

Armed with new prayer requests, we’ll go another two months before we get together again, this time for our yearly sleepover.

I know I’m blessed having these women as friends. They love me; I love them; we all love Jesus. And I’m thankful.

Light to see Him (Day 29, Proverbs)

Proverbs 29:13
“The poor man and the oppressor meet together; the LORD gives light to the eyes of both.”

First, the obvious thought. Matthew 5:45—the Father makes his sun rise on the evil and the good. He sends rain on the just and the unjust.

He gives us all opportunities to know him, to love him, to delight in him. Some use those opportunities; others don’t.

Whichever route we take, we can lay no blame at the Father’s feet. He pursues and blesses us, but we choose our own response.

Secondly, the not-so-connected thought. I’ve been entrenched in reading and watching the gospel of Matthew the past month. The closer I get to the end, the more I wonder about Jesus and Judas’ relationship.

When Judas comes to Jesus one final time, to betray him with a kiss, Jesus addresses him as “Friend” (Matthew 26:48-50).

Friend? I can think of a few more appropriate names to call that Benedict Arnold. Friend would be after the last.

Yet Jesus, who cannot and will not lie, calls Judas his friend. Friend, from Greek hetairos, means a comrade; fellow; friend.

Is this yet another way that Jesus is raining sunshine on the evil and the unjust? Is he still shining light even on his enemy? Er, I mean his friend?

Who can understand this Son of God? There is none like him. May we utilize the light he gives our eyes to gaze at him more and more.

Psalm 27:4
“One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple.”

The Cracker Jack of Pain—A Surprise with Every Body

If “Life is like a box of chocolates—you never know what you’re gonna get,” chronic pain is like Cracker Jack—“There’s a surprise with every body.”

Be honest—who really bought Cracker Jack to eat the peanuts and caramel corn? It was always about the surprise packed inside the box. Just so, God has planted a surprise for each of us in each day—and the more we expect to see His surprises, the more we’ll find.

Just like Easter egg hunts. There's always the child who only stands around, passively holding her empty basket, whining that she sees no eggs. So she never does. But then there’s the kid who runs from bush to tree, looks sideways and upside down, and returns, beaming, with an overflowing basket of colored eggs.

I want to be that kid.

Living in a pain-filled body might slow us down in the hunt, but we can still rip open the box with gusto, anticipating the prize inside. Many new things await us if we live with open eyes (Proverbs 20:12-13)

With my pain, I’ve already gotten a new vocabulary, new medicine, new TENS unit, new doctors, even a new bed. But those are minor compared to the real surprises that have come with pain.

NEW FRIENDS
Over 23 billion toys have been given away in Cracker Jack boxes. But God makes more than 23 billion criss-crossing connections between friends all over the world, ready to share His message of hope through illnesses.

Through Rest Ministries, I’ve made friends with Lynn—and discovered our common love of books and authors. I’ve received e-mails from Connie and Mrs. Lucy and Sherry, sharing their own stories and offering encouragement for mine. Last week I reconnected with Susan, who invited me to a local HopeKeepers meeting.

God knows who we need to help us in our journey, and who needs us. Let's watch for each other. We’ll share more than pain—we’ll also share joys, belief, struggles, and hope.

NEW FAITH

Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out with the crowd.
Buy me some peanuts and cracker jack,
I don't care if I never get back.

Cracker Jack had been around about 15 years when Norworth and Von Tilzer wrote their famous “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” song in 1908, referencing cracker jack in the lyrics. The song implies that the ball park has everything you need for a home away from home, win or lose.

How at home are we with suffering? It’s often coupled with a loss of mobility or a reduction in activities or an increase in doctor appointments. Who wants to live there?

Yet God still chooses to make my body His temple, His dwelling place, whether I feel broken or not (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). If it’s good enough to be home for Him, it’s good enough to be home for me. He can use even the most ragged bodies as a home away from home until they’re made anew in the heavenly home.

In the beauty of God’s creativity and sovereignty, He somehow, some way, turns all things around for our good, whether we understand it or not (Romans 8:28).

Finding satisfaction in this body is not always easy. But I’m learning that God is faithful in His promises, that He will always be enough. He will provide more faith-building surprises than I can imagine, if I will keep seeking Him (Proverbs 8:17; Ephesians 3:20).

NEW ME
Sailor Jack and his dog Bingo have been living on the Cracker Jack box for almost a hundred years. Still smiling, still saluting, still teasing us to “Guess what’s inside?” They haven’t changed.

But I have.

I’m not the same person now that I was ten years ago. Is it the pain that changed me? Indirectly, yes. At times it’s made me cry and complain and feel discouraged. At times it has frightened me, thinking about the “what if’s” around the corner.

But in bigger times, it’s made me see that life is more than my body, and my body is more than my pain. The “old me” isn’t always happy with this body—I’d rather have something more comfortable and in proper working order, but the “new me” is learning to be content even here (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).

So I’ll keep expecting the unexpected ways that God sends us pleasures and delights, making our journeys a little easier, our joys a little fuller, and our peace a little deeper.

And even if we don’t always enjoy the popcorn and peanuts inside the box, let’s keep digging through them until we reach the package inside, rip it open with enthusiasm, and delight in the prize (Jeremiah 29:11-13).

More on PAIN

Prayer is about relationship

More from David Roche:

Prayer is about relationship. Prayer is the expression of relationship.

Prayers can be sobs and caresses.

Prayers come in the bathroom, in the shower.

Prayers come in the middle of the night, when you jerk awake and your first thought is of the worst time you made a fool of yourself; your second thought is of how you are failing at whatever you are doing in life; and the third thought is not a thought but unfocused resentment.

...Don’t be ashamed...God likes you vulnerable. You are not editable in God’s eyes.

Some prayers are prepared for God like a formally posed photograph. Yes, you look nice in that studio photo and that is the image you want God to see.

But God does not look at the photo from the studio. God looks at the photo that, when your friend who took it shows it to you, you say, “Oh my God, I look so weird. That is not me.” And your friend says, “No, no, that’s one of your ‘looks.’ That is so you!”

And you have to realize that your friend loves you that way, not the way that you have learned to present yourself for a photo, standing rigidly, with your head tilted charmingly just so and with the sly, cute smile.

No, your friend loves you when your mouth hangs open because you are tired, when you have tea stains and spinach on your smile, when your dentures are yellowed. God is not fooled by teeth whitener or Botox.

~ DAVID ROCHE
The Church of 80% Sincerity

Spend the night

Nine years ago today, 10-yr-old Lori was fatally killed in a car accident on Old Railroad Bed Road. Her memory still lives; her loss is still felt. To honor her today and to celebrate the continued friendship of the Four Corners, here's my column originally published in The Huntsville Times two years after Lori’s death. My thoughts remain the same...

It was another spend-the-night party. Once a year for the past 25 years, we play catch up for as many hours as our eyes will stay open. Four girls, now women, we giggle as close to dawn as our energy allows. No spouses, no kids allowed.

But this night was different. On this chilly November night, three of us were camping out on the 8th floor of Huntsville Hospital. Literally on the floor. And the fourth, in a hospital bed, was totally unaware of any of us.

Instead of a living room, the NICU waiting room held our sleeping bags. Instead of casually rehashing the previous year, we were praying with each breath that Kathy would be able to take her next one.

A few days earlier, on a clear Sunday afternoon, November 7, Kathy and her family were hit by a drunk driver who had careened past a stop sign and jammed his truck into her family. He killed her youngest daughter, 10-year-old Lori, critically injured Kathy, and forever altered the life of her husband, teenage daughter, and everyone else close to them.

Death prioritizes life. Seeing Kathy’s life rearranged instantaneously was an awakening to never take our friendship for granted.

How often do days turn into weeks, then into months, before we connect with friends? Oh, we’re all ambitious about staying in touch. But the clock disrespects our intentions. It methodically ticks on, indifferent to human relationships.

Nurturing friendships is complicated with our transient lifestyles. People move in and out of our lives with ease, across country or even continents, unlike ever before. Schedules tighten through more commitments to work and play, leaving intimacy among friends untended.

But that autumn night, distance and schedules were irrelevant. The waiting room crawled with people. We had already been initiated into the greater family that haunts the 8th floor. Parents, siblings, spouses, friends--all watchful for their special someone behind the heavy, barred doors of NICU.

And with each visit, reality jars anew. Each time we stepped behind the curtain to see Kathy, we were astounded again at how critical she was. Hooked up and down, in and out, her life hung by threads of electrical cords and plastic tubing.

We had been friends for an eternity, it seemed. As little girls, we sat on the same pew at church and passed notes through Mr. Wood’s sermons. All four of us made our faith commitments the same summer of ’73. We spent hours at each other’s houses, at Camp Ney-A-Ti, at Pizza Inn, and, of course, at slumber parties.

Now it came down to this night. Only three of the four of us could remember those times. And wonder about tomorrow. Would Kathy be the same, even if she survived? Would she remember that we put toothpaste on her nose for always being the first to go to sleep? Or that she had the darkest tan every summer? Or the emotions we all felt the night she was the first among us to get married? Would those live only in our memories, and be lost from hers?

After several months, Kathy did remember. Our playmate had been spared. Once again, there could be sleepovers held together by Mt. Dew and Cheese Nips.

At this year’s slumber party we exchanged friendship bracelets. As I slip my bracelet on, I’m reminded that there are friendships worth committing a lifetime to. And I’m grateful I’ve found mine.

~ Lisa

Nov ’08 Update: Kathy adapted well to life after a brain injury. But this February, a week after what would have been Lori’s 19th birthday, her husband developed his own brain injury due to a ruptured aneurysm. After many months of hard work and fervent prayers, he has made miraculous progress and, one step at a time, has relearned how to walk and, like Kathy, is learning to adapt to life after a brain injury, with a little help from his friends.