Still scared of the dark

And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.
And God saw that the light was good. And God separated the light from the darkness.
Genesis 1:3-4

I’m still scared of the dark.
I can’t seem to fully outgrow it.

But I can do things in the light that I’m scared to do in the dark.

So when R needed a ride home last Wednesday with her three boxes of food, I eagerly volunteered to take her. Even though I’d just met her and didn’t know where she lived. All because it was still light.

She directed me left, then right, then fourth door on the right. We were now in the projects.

I stopped the car in the one-lane drive in front of her place. But as we unloaded the boxes, another car pulled up behind me, with no room to pass. I said a rushed good-bye to R and moved along.

But leaving wasn’t so easy. Going forward, I intersected another one-way street, but which way was the right way? A couple cars drove by me from the north, but north was also the only exit in sight. I needed to get out while it was still light. While I could still see.

I backed up, let the cars pass, then drove forward again, north, and out, leaving the projects behind.

Still in daylight. Made it. But had it been dark, I would have been scared. And maybe rightly so. Scarier things do happen in the dark.

So I’m thankful I don’t have to live there. In the dark. Instead, I live in perpetual Light. Light from the inside (Ephesians 5:8). Light even from sundown to sunrise.

I still try to stay out of the shadows when I can, but when I need to shine a light in a dark place, I want to be brave enough to go there.

Because I can do things with Light that I’m scared to do in dark. Like drive to the projects with a girl I just met. And talk to her about Jesus. And continue to pray for her and her 1-year-old baby girl and hopefully get a conversation going should I see her again this week.

I pray for grace to outgrow my fear of the dark. Of the things I imagine are lurking there to grab me. And leave behind the nightmares of turning on a light switch but no light coming on (anybody else have those?).

But until I do, I want to keep looking into the Light. So I can see.
That he’s always there.
Always bright.
Always on.

Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
John 8:12

* * *

Are you ever scared of the dark, too? What helps you fight it?

Develop an eye for it

I shouldn’t be surprised she has one.

Even as a tiny girl she noticed details I missed. A change of a billboard. The color of a cousin’s dress. The exact directions to church.

So it’s no wonder now that she has it:
a photographer’s eye.

She sees things.

Last Saturday, Jenna shot a gorgeous set of pictures of Morgan in her wedding dress.

About thirty minutes into the shoot, Jenna looked Morgan in the eye and said, “Sissy, you are so pretty.” 

She had been looking for the beauty. To capture. To share.

First, you have to see it.
Then, you can capture it to help others see it too.

Good photographers do whatever it takes to get the shot.

Can you, too?
Do whatever it takes to get the shot?

God already has glory. You don’t create it. You just find it.
When you look for it, you see it.
Then you can tell others about it. You live by its light.

If you want to reflect God, gaze on him.
Outright stare. (He won’t consider you rude.)

Develop an eye for spotting his glory.
You’ll be transformed by it.

And we all, with unveiled face,
beholding the glory of the Lord,
are being transformed into the same image
from one degree of glory to another....
2 Corinthians 3:18

 
* * *

Disclaimer:
No unauthorized glimpses of the bridal gown were shown in this post (or else Mom would be in BIG trouble!).

How are you looking for God today? Where have you seen him?

RELATED:

• Sharpen your senses
• Light and Sight

Let your little light shine

You are the light of the world.
A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.
Matthew 5:14

Whatever God let happen to you in 2010,
pleasurable or painful or a little of both, it’s over.

Are you still a believer?

If you’re starting 2011 with a faith in Jesus (Luke 18:8), no matter how small or riddled with questions, thank God for his mercy.

You are victorious.

Whoever you meet this year, wherever you go, however you get there,
be a light. Do good. Share the love. Let God shine.

However dim your candle,
it’s enough to brighten up a dark world.

Let your light shine before others,
so that they may see your good works and
give glory to your Father who is in heaven.
Matthew 5:16

This Little Light
Addison Road
LYRICS

There's a little flame inside us all
Some shine bright, some shine small
The rains will come and the waters rise
But don't you ever lose your light

In this life you will know
Love and pain, joy and sorrow
So when it hurts, when times get hard
Don't forget whose child you are

CHORUS:
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine, gonna let it shine

May you live each day with no regret
Make the most of every chance you get
Let your eyes get wide when you look at the stars
With the same sense of wonder as a child's heart

With the ones you love treasure the time
And for those who are gone keep their memories alive
Hold on to your dreams don't ever let go
There's a fire inside you burning with hope

CHORUS

There will be days when you want to give up
When the clouds settle in
But after the rain comes the sun
Don't you ever forget

One day there will be no more pain
And we will finally see Jesus' face
So until then I'm gonna try
To brave the dark and let my little light shine

CHORUS

There's a little light inside us all

* * *

RELATED:

• A light in the neighborhood
• Outer darkness

Stand on holy ground

…Earth’s crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God;
But only he who sees, takes off his shoes,
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries,
And daub their natural faces unaware... 
     ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Aurora Leigh

“Oh, Aslan,” said Lucy, “it was kind of you to come.”
 “I have been here all the time,” said he. 
      ~C. S. Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

I sit passively in my car at the Parkway intersection, waiting on the red light to turn. But I am actively avoiding eye contact with the homeless man under the bridge.

Homeless gather here. They sleep here, eat here, and often solicit money here with “Will work for food” signs.

But I can’t avert my eyes for long. The homeless man is making a move. On the other side of the busy road, another homeless man is trying to come to him. In a wheelchair. (I dislike walking across any intersection—on healthy feet with even minimal traffic. But cross a major highway in a wheelchair? I can’t imagine.)

What I see next amazes me.

The man under the bridge runs to the wheelchaired-man, and pushes him back across the intersection himself, safe into their shelter. Why? I don’t know—maybe he was his friend?

Maybe the Spirit of God compelled him? Knowingly or not?

Whatever the reason, I breathe easier. To see the safe conclusion. To witness the kindness.

And to see God show up where I wasn’t expecting. When will I learn that he is everywhere?

May I learn to live barefooted.

Because everywhere I go, is everywhere he is. 
I’m always standing on holy ground.

Then he said, “Do not come near; take your sandals off your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground.”
Exodus 3:5

* * *

Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s quote inspired me last week. Then just this morning I read the C.S. Lewis words. What words have inspired you lately? Link up at Barbara’s.

Related:

• See a piece of Him
• Dead eyes
• Who we came to see

He’s attached

I scanned my card, but nothing happened. Scanned again. Nothing.

The librarian explained why. My old library card wouldn’t work under their updated check-out process. I’d need a new card.

So she took my old card—and without a second thought, mind you—she threw it in the garbage can. Yes, my library card. Treated as a worthless piece of trash.

I cringed, greatly offended. (On the inside anyway. Who wants to be seen overreacting because their library card is being replaced?)

I was attached.

And until then, I hadn’t realized how much I was attached to that rectangular piece of plastic. But for years and years it had been my gateway to thousands and thousands of books and millions and millions of bits of information.

What the librarian saw as an old, outdated card, I saw as a history and a future. A part of who I am. I saw a lifetime of learning and adventures and insights and entertainment. And potential for more of the same. 

Not just an old piece of plastic.

It’s all in the vision.

What does God see when he looks at us? Sometimes all I see is a skeleton covered in skin, getting more wrinkled, outdated, and worn out with each day.

But God sees a lifetime of growth and excitement and personality and intimacy. And potential for more and better.

I want to see you and see me as God sees us. Not useless because we’re weak or old or sinful, but as extra-special because embedded in each of us is a wealth of information and experiences and gifts for praising Him.

In each of us he sees a piece of Him.

And He uses these pieces to accomplish big and small things, to love on his other kids, and to give him praise.

He sees a history and a future. In you, in me. We’re part of who he is.

And that makes Him very attached.

* * *

What are you attached to?
Do you feel God’s attachment to you? 

Related:

• You see more when…
• Light to see Him
• Come and see

You see more when…

 

You find more when you’re looking. 

We went back yesterday, my sister and I. To the assisted living facility where my mom lived and died. Her room was still empty; we checked, not that it mattered.

What were we looking for?
Maybe meaning. Purpose. To encourage those who had encouraged us. To find the delight of familiar smiles on faces we had missed seeing.

Oh, and one other thing. We were looking for…Him.
Eyes wide open.

What did we find?

• Ms. O wandering the halls.
  Looking for her room. Because she wanted to change jeans—hers were too faded, she said. But when we made it to her closet, she decided she’d change pants later and visit now.   
• Ms. D wrapping her arms around us.
  Saying, “I’m so sorry.” She remembered our story. We chatted about Auburn football and getting her hair done and in the end exchanged I-love-you’s several times over.
• Ms. S resting in bed.
  “Being lazy,” she said. Waiting on somebody else after all these years to cook her meals. We laughed together about her bubbly granddaughter. She thanked us for visiting and invited us to come back.
• Ms. T sitting at the table. 
  We told her we’d come again to sing together. (We know her favorites: In the Garden and He Lives.) She said she’d love that. We know she means it. She asked, “When will you come back?” We promised, “Soon, soon.”
• Our mom (well, sort of) in the break room.
  We brought brownies and pies for the staff. Looking for paper to write a note, I opened a drawer. I pulled out its only contents: a copy of my mom’s face on her funeral program. Put there by the ladies who had attended her funeral. And found there by her daughters to write a note of blessing.

So, yes, we saw God. Wandering the halls, wrapping arms around us, resting in bed, sitting at a table, and in the break room.

We saw Who we came to see.

You see more when your eyes are open.

* * *
What are you looking for? What do you see?

Related:

• Dead eyes
• Sharpen your senses
• I want to see what they saw

Eyes that see

Then turning to the disciples he said privately, "Blessed are the eyes that see what you see! For I tell you that many prophets and kings desired to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it."
Luke 10:23-24

Sometimes I’m jealous of those disciples.

 I want to see what they saw.

I want to see a crippled man throw down his cane and delight in taking steps again. I want to watch Jesus’ eyes as he moves through a crowd, looking to see who he can touch and heal. I want to stare into the face of Lazarus as he comes back from the other side at the sound of Jesus’ voice.

Those eyes who saw these things
were blessed.

But my eyes are blessed, too. I’ve also seen things.

Even though I can’t see what they saw, I can see the big picture that they couldn’t see. I can put all their stories together and see a grandiose mural that’s too big to have a starting or ending point. I can see Jesus, on this side of the cross, and the multitude of ways he’s worked in the millennia since then.  

And even though I haven’t seen Jesus in the flesh, I still believe I’ve seen him. And he’s seen me. And because I believe, I’m blessed.

Jesus said to him, "Have you believed because you have seen me?
Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."
John 20:29

Light in the neighborhood

Matthew 4:16
The people dwelling in darkness have seen a great light, and for those dwelling in the region and shadow of death, on them a light has dawned.

What is the light? It’s Jesus moving into the neighborhood. If you ever get scared in the dark, you’re pretty happy when dawn arrives, and you watch the Son come up. The Son is the Good News.

We can go back and forth between the light and dark, if we choose to. If the light is Jesus, what is the dark? In particular, what is hell? Here’s one definition by Jon Reid in Blog One Another:

If you walk away from the heat, you'll get cold.
If you walk away from the light, you'll be in the dark.

When Jesus moves into your neighborhood (and he always will), walk towards him, not away. Stay warm. Live in the Light.

Red on White

It’s not what I expected today. At the grocery store entrance, a small crowd had gathered. At the center stood a white-haired lady, probably in her 80’s, stooped over.

And bleeding.

I saw the puddle of bright red blood on the concrete near her feet. I saw it dripping through her white hair. I saw a woman in her mid-30’s holding up the elderly lady, pressing a cloth to her head to curb the bleeding.

So it took me a minute to recognize Him. Because He was masquerading as a she. As a woman in her mid-30’s. I assumed she was the granddaughter or a caretaker.

But she wasn’t. She was like me. A stranger.

She had happened to be walking by as the lady fell, and had stopped to help. A Good Samaritan.

I hung around for moral support and to help the lady sit in a chair that the cashiers brought outside. Then the ambulance came, put her on a stretcher, and it was over.

But not the Red on White. I still see the red blood on the white hair. I can’t shake it.

Is this what I’m supposed to “come and see” today? The symbol of Christ’s life-blood dripping over his white, spotless soul? His love flowing down to us? His compassion working its way out through a younger woman helping an older woman she had never seen before? I’m a witness. John 1:7-9

Come and see. Red on White. Come and see.

* * *

Mark 14:24
And he said to them, "This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many.

Ephesians 1:7
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace,

P.S.
The song playing on the radio when I got back in my truck? “Give Me Your Eyes”
I cried.

Come and see

John 1:46
Nathanael said to him, "Can anything good come out of Nazareth?" Philip said to him, "Come and see."

I love this invitation on my first day back reading through the New Testament.

“Come and see.” That’s precisely what I want to do.

I also love that John starts off so strongly with “light.” I’ve been keenly aware the past several months of so many references to “light” and “vision” and “seeing.” Jesus is the common denominator of them all.

Come... Be present. Be active. Be looking for Him.

and see... Discover. Notice. Pay attention.

The invitation is there. R.S.V.P.—eyes wide open.

John 1:4 In him was life, and the life was the light of men.
1:5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

Outer Darkness - 13

Selections from The Cross He Bore, Chapter 13

Matthew 27:45
"Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land until the ninth hour."

* * *

Then, suddenly, it grew dark! The silence was eerie; just the occasional splatter of blood on the stones, or the crunch of a soldier's step. the terrible picture of suffering and humiliation faded from view. And what a scene that was!

* * *

This was the Passover season. Just before the first Passover a plague of darkness betokened the curse of God upon his enemies (Exodus 10:21-23). The darkness that enveloped the Saviour at Calvary was clearly a visible expression of the inner darkness that wrung that dread cry of dereliction from his lips: ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ (Matthew 27:46).

To be forsaken by God is hell.

* * *

Christ spoke solemnly of ‘outer darkness,’ associating it with unspeakable anguish (Matthew 8:12; 22:13; 25:30). To redeem his people he entered and endured that darkness.

Now he calls us ‘out of darkness into his marvelous light.’ He is the true light and those who follow him ‘will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life’ (1 Peter 2:9; John 8:12).

More thoughts from Chapter 13

Light to see Him (Day 29, Proverbs)

Proverbs 29:13
“The poor man and the oppressor meet together; the LORD gives light to the eyes of both.”

First, the obvious thought. Matthew 5:45—the Father makes his sun rise on the evil and the good. He sends rain on the just and the unjust.

He gives us all opportunities to know him, to love him, to delight in him. Some use those opportunities; others don’t.

Whichever route we take, we can lay no blame at the Father’s feet. He pursues and blesses us, but we choose our own response.

Secondly, the not-so-connected thought. I’ve been entrenched in reading and watching the gospel of Matthew the past month. The closer I get to the end, the more I wonder about Jesus and Judas’ relationship.

When Judas comes to Jesus one final time, to betray him with a kiss, Jesus addresses him as “Friend” (Matthew 26:48-50).

Friend? I can think of a few more appropriate names to call that Benedict Arnold. Friend would be after the last.

Yet Jesus, who cannot and will not lie, calls Judas his friend. Friend, from Greek hetairos, means a comrade; fellow; friend.

Is this yet another way that Jesus is raining sunshine on the evil and the unjust? Is he still shining light even on his enemy? Er, I mean his friend?

Who can understand this Son of God? There is none like him. May we utilize the light he gives our eyes to gaze at him more and more.

Psalm 27:4
“One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple.”

The Flame burns on... (Day 13, Proverbs)

Proverbs 13:9
“The light of the righteous rejoices, but the lamp of the wicked will be put out.”

I’m writing this outside at Big Spring Park by the eternal flame.

I feel too unsettled in my own spirit to sit in my Sunday school classroom this morning just talking about the Spirit. I need a more direct breathing in and out with the Spirit instead. I read the Word and I look around...

Elderly men and grandmothers are walking by with their dogs on leashes. Young mothers with their babies in strollers. A runner paces and stretches, expectedly watching for his buddy.

Two homeless men are sitting at a table nearby. They occasionally take a drink of something. One is smoking. And both are reading. Reading? What books would capture their attention? I’m most curious.

I stroll by, nonchalantly, to catch a glimpse. A paperback novel for one man; a hardback library book for the other. But I’m too far away to see the titles. Dare I engage them in conversation?

No. I head toward the flame instead. It sits atop a bronze replica of the Declaration of Independence, something I also am declaring by my presence here (John 8:36). The words look weather-worn and the old signatures are barely perceptible beside the newly scratched modern ones.

The flame burns on.

I reconsider the homeless men. A family is now nearby, romping with their kids in the grass, so I feel safe. I chit-chat with Mr. Paperback first. I ask what he’s reading. A novel I’ve never heard of. He likes the author.

His friend ignores me. So I ask Mr. Paperback about his friend’s selection. Mr. Hardback then flips over his book so I can see the cover. Another novel I don’t know. We make idle comments, flatter the weather, and I walk away.

And the flame burns on.

A girlfriend takes a picture of her boyfriend in front of the flame and the Declaration of Independence. Then she giggles and they walk away.

The cherry trees are in full bloom. The geese patiently wait for chubby hands full of bread crumbs. The homeless men switch tables in search of shade.

I hear the church bells chime downtown. They're telling me it’s time...head back to your own church. The mini-churches here at the park are unaware of time.

I take off my brown flats and reluctantly slip my feet back into my black high heels. Outside church is over. I return to the inside.

But the Flame burns on.

(Haggai 2:5b)

Leviticus 6:13
Fire shall be kept burning on the altar continually; it shall not go out.

See the light

Sometimes you just see it.

Today, I see it. I’ve been thinking and praying about what aspects of God and discipleship I need to concentrate on in ’09. I’ve been looking for recurring themes in scriptures I’m reading, in people I’m hearing, in events that are happening. I’ve been watching for things that trip me up, to discern where I need more growth; and for what projects come easily and with delight, to discover strengths to work with. God speaks in many ways, and I want to be found listening.

And seeing. Which is now my confirmed “Aha!” Sight...Vision...Light.

It’s been sneaking up on me for several months. And I’ve dabbled in such scriptures before—there are so many—but I anticipate a sustained awareness and conscious gathering of the Word on seeing and light will be an illuminating study.

I pray that others will share their finds with me (as they already have, often unbeknownst to them) and together we can behold an even brighter and truer vision of the Lord.

It should be quite, well, enlightening.

Dead eyes

“People aren’t dead because they can’t walk. They’re dead because they can’t see.”

Seeing. The theme keeps coming at me from different places. So I’m looking hard into the Light. Without light, there is no vision.

John 1:4-5
In him was life, and the life was the light of men.
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

We don’t really know what spiritual death and life are until we relate them to light and darkness and blindness. The people you see at the mall or at work look alive. If you tell them they are dead, they will think you’ve lost your mind.

They’re walking around, they’re smiling, eating, drinking, they do stuff. What do you mean they’re dead? ...People aren’t dead because they can’t walk. They’re dead because they can’t see. That’s why light is so crucial.

They don’t see Jesus as supremely valuable. They don’t see his sacrifice as precious. They don’t see his fellowship as their greatest treasure. They are blind to these things. They walk in darkness. They are spiritually dead to these greatest of all realities.

If they are going to see these things and receive them, they must have life. Life will make seeing possible.

~ John Piper, “In Him Was Life”, Sermon October 5, 2008

Matthew 13:16
But blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear.

Sharpen our senses

Isaiah 5:12-13
They have lyre and harp, tambourine and flute and wine at their feasts, but they do not regard the deeds of the LORD, or see the work of his hands.
Therefore my people go into exile for lack of knowledge; their honored men go hungry, and their multitude is parched with thirst.

Father,
We are quick to please ourselves with the newest sounds and sights and sensations that this world offers. We shamelessly chase after promises of entertainment and recreation and excitement. Mercy, Lord.

Instead, may we ever look intently for signs of you, and for evidences of your handiwork. Sharpen our senses...
...To feel the brush of your movement as you go about your work
...To hear the sound of your footsteps as you draw near to those calling
...To taste the sweetness in your blessings that you shower upon us
...To smell the aroma of your grace in the midst of a dying world
...To see the activity of your hands as you give us love and justice.

Let us never be taken captive because of our laziness to seek out your presence—when you are all around us and in us. Let our hunger and thirst be satiated in you.

Watching...

The lyrics to "Watching Over Me" are a beautiful reminder that we are never alone.

The Lord is..."watching over the way of his saints."
~ Proverbs 2:8

Written by Ken Young & Cole Young
© 2007 Hallal Music



When the valley seems so dark and deep
And the burdens hard to bear
When the storm clouds gather in the east
And it seems that no one cares

CHORUS:
Remember you are not alone
Look closely and you’ll see
The Savior watching over you
And He’s watching over me

When the cross you carry weighs you down
And you fall upon your knees
When it seems that no one is around
Who can hold you tenderly

CHORUS:
Remember you are not alone
Look closely and you’ll see
The Savior watching over you
And He’s watching over me

When you cry out on the stormy sea
Buried by the angry waves
When you soul is troubled and it seems
That your life draws near the grave

CHORUS:
Remember you are not alone
Look closely and you’ll see
The Savior watching over you
And He’s watching over me

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