Mama’s advice

We’ve been reading through a book of memories my mom left behind. Our family is blessed that she’ll keep speaking through her writings even though she’s gone.

One question in the book is:

What advice about life do you want others to remember?

We loved my mom’s answers so much that we printed them in her funeral program on Saturday. I hear her voice clearly here:

1. Pray every day

2. Don’t expect too much from anybody

3. Realize everybody has weaknesses

4. Be a good listener

5. Use the talents you have and don’t feel guilty about the ones you don’t have

6. Be patient and compassionate

7. Don’t hold grudges

8. It’s okay to be wrong sometimes

9. Be the first to say, “I’m sorry”

10. Remember you are very precious to God

                                   ~ Jamie Coates

I need to take this advice more often. You, too?

* * *

Related:

• words…They whisper to me
• Mere words?
• Say words of hope
• Are you listening?

When it’s time to let go (Ch 12—“Spiritual Mothering”)

This scares me about mentoring relationships:

Do you ever stop?

What happens when it’s time to let go? Is there a way to gracefully say, “We’re done here; you’re ready to move on”?

Friendships never have to end. I get that. I want that. Love never should stop.

But sometimes relationships complete their purpose and need release so God can do a new work elsewhere.

Confident
Susan Hunt addresses this release in the final chapter of Spiritual Mothering, “Staying…and Separating,” by using the example of Mary and Elizabeth.

The time came when Mary had to return to Nazareth…It would have been so much easier to stay in the safety of Elizabeth’s home. Still it was time to separate.

Elizabeth had to wonder what would be next for Mary. Did she prepare her enough? Did she say all that needed to be said?

It took confidence for Mary to leave. And confidence for Elizabeth to let her.

As with Elizabeth, so with us. We “turn loose” not based on confidence in the words we advised, but in the truth that God is able to make our friend stand (Romans 14:4). A Christ-confidence. He is able to keep them from falling (Jude 24).

Relationships change
Much like letting go of our late-adolescent children, letting go of our mentoring relationship means change. Change in roles. Change in responsibilities. Change in opportunities.

But change doesn’t necessarily mean weakening.

The relationship can become even stronger because of the separation, not weaker. Trusting the one you’ve mentored is a gift of encouragement to her. And it exemplifies an even greater trust in your mutual Father.

Paul must have felt this often. He would birth a church, stay for a time, then have to move on. His writings reveal the depth of love he felt for his spiritual children, yet he separated. And continued to pray for them and celebrate their growth.

Who is available?
Susan closes her book with this final question, a general one about spiritual mothering and using the lessons learned from her book and Biblical examples.

Please consider how you can live out the answer in your own life:

Will you make yourself available to God to be used to nurture another woman?

Summary of previous chapters

Can you comfort? (Ch 11—“Spiritual Mothering”)

If you really want to expand a relationship, find out where the hurts are. The deep places where pain lives.

Reach those spots with a comforting touch and word, and you’ll be a true help.

Your own pain 
But to do that well, to equip others to handle pain, you need a proper perspective of your own pain.

• Where do you find comfort when you’re hurting?
• How do you interpret 2 Cor 1:3-4 about God as the Father of compassion and the God of ALL comfort?
• What purposes do you see in pain?

Tough issues. No one has them down pat. But best to have wrestled with them already if you’re helping another with them.

Try this
Susan Hunt in Spiritual Mothering offers the following advice in Chapter 11, “Comfort the Comfortless.”

Be there
The women at the cross are great examples. They didn’t desert Jesus when things turned ugly. They couldn’t “fix” the situation, but they could stay there. And on the first day of the week, they showed up again. Just “being there” often communicates a love beyond words.

Study
Learn the tender spots of your friend’s pain. Watch and listen to find out what helps them and what hurts worse. Get informed.

Speak
Don’t give a lecture, but do say something when appropriate. You can keep it simple: “I care about you.” “I’m praying for you.”

More…
Give a hug. Cry with her. Send cards. Remember special days when the pain hits anew (i.e. Mother’s Day, birthdays). Show confidence in her. Bring meals. Clean her house. Share scriptures. Call with encouraging words. Make short visits. Stay with the friendship for the long-term.

Don’t do this
Susan asked women what was hurtful from others in their times of suffering, and received these replies:

• Telling a mother after a miscarriage that she can try again.
• Visiting for long periods of time.
• Saying nothing at all.
• Telling her that it was her own fault.

A warning
But don’t become an enabler. The goal is for your friend to heal by relying on the Lord, not on you. Watch for signs of an unhealthy dependence on you, and encourage her with skills to transfer the dependence on the One who not just helps, but heals.

Good for everybody
Bringing comfort to others is a big responsibility. It’s not easy nor fun. If you’re serious about helping someone through their pain, expect to feel some pain yourself.

But don’t shy away from comforting others because of your own fears of “not doing it right” or because of your own discomfort with the pain. “Hurting times are prime times to encourage and equip a younger woman to glorify God.” It’s also a prime time for YOU to glorify God and increase your own dependence on him. 

Expand your capacity to comfort others, and not only will you be a blessing to your friend, but you will grow yourself in ways you wouldn’t have otherwise.

Summary of previous chapters
Next week, last chapter:
Ch 12, “Staying…And Separating”

Forgivers encourage forgiveness (Ch 10 - “Spiritual Mothering”)

“I am grateful for every opportunity
I have had to forgive.”
~ Susan Hunt

I’m not there.

But I want to be.

Chapter 10, “The Cornerstone of Forgiveness,” encourages me to grow in that direction even more. If we want to be the kind of Christian who helps others heal from their hurts, we need to get this one down a bit better.

Equipped to forgive
As we learn to forgive, we drink deeper from God’s fountain of grace. As it satisfies, it also equips; we’re more prepared to give others the directions to that fountain. 

Author Susan Hunt illustrates this forgiveness cycle by repeating Abigail’s story in 1 Samuel 25. Abigail’s husband Nabal was a gruff man, and he displayed that at an inopportune time when David asked him for help. Nabal refused. So Abigail took it upon herself to intervene.

What does this have to do with forgiveness?

Abigail strongly encouraged David to forgive both her presumption in approaching David (1 Sam 25:28) as well as forgive Nabal’s foolishness. She didn’t want David to have an avenging murder on his record (1 Sam 25:31).

How could she do this? Susan suggests it’s because Abigail must have practiced forgiveness herself, having survived a marriage with Nabal for years. Abigail was said to be discerning and beautiful (1 Sam 25:3); assume that means more than looking pretty. 

Like Abigail, if we want to help others, we also need to have worked through our own issues. Because of our own experiences with forgiving, we can encourage and equip others to do likewise.

Only forgivers can teach forgiveness with the credibility that is necessary to be believable.

Challenge
Chapter 10 closes with a challenge:

If there is anyone you are having difficulty forgiving, make a list of what it will cost you to forgive and what it will cost you not to forgive. Then, by God’s grace, forgive.

I need to take that challenge. How about you?

* * *

     Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
     Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31, 32

Summary of previous chapters
Next week: Ch 11, “Comfort the Comfortless”

Be accepting (Ch 9 – “Spiritual Mothering”)

How approachable are you? Do others find you easy to turn to, or would they prefer you be the last one to hear of their problems?

Chapter 9 of Spiritual Mothering is entitled “The Power of Acceptance.” If you are going to help another, you must not be offensive to others nor be too “perfect” for others. Either extreme is a turn-off and does not send out the crucial message of “I accept you where you are.”

Author Susan Hunt imaginatively uses the Biblical example of Dorcas (Tabitha, Acts 9:36-42) to show traits of a woman who is accepting. When Dorcas died, her friends were so distraught that they sent for Peter to “Come at once!”

The widows stood around her, mourning the intense loss of this woman who had helped the poor and sewn clothes for the needy. Peter prayed and brought her back to life.

Why would the widows of Lydda be so upset at the death of their friend? Hunt suggests it was because her ministry of caring met real needs of real people in a way that was gracious and accepting, not judgmental or harsh.

Hunt continues on to relay examples of how modern-day daughters of Dorcas can show acceptance to others.

• Enthusiastically get to know a newcomer in the congregation and plug her into ways she can use her gifts
• Write notes of appreciation to women of all ages
• Ask the newly widowed or divorced to sit with you in church and then invite her to lunch
• Jot down the names of visitors you meet so you can later introduce them to others by name
• Send notes of encouragement to the pastor and elders’ families
• Gently counsel younger women to love their husbands in practical ways
• Keep a notebook of prayer requests of others
• Be accepting of young people who dress differently

What source do you draw upon to be this accepting? Your own acceptance in Christ.

When you are confident in approaching God yourself, you convey a confidence to others to approach you because of your acceptance of them.

Dorcas must have shown this. And because her death brought such sorrow, her resurrection must have brought even greater delight. God was glorified through this woman’s life and loving acceptance of others.

Dorcas did it then; can you do it now?

Summary of previous chapters
Discussion on Chapter 9
Next week: Ch 10, “The Cornerstone of Forgiveness”

A ministry of encouragement (Ch 8 “Spiritual Mothering”)

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11

The right foundation
An important aspect of spiritual mothering is encouragement. Don’t try to equip without it. Preaching doctrine outside an atmosphere of love and encouragement comes across cold and impersonal.

But it’s not always easy. Susan Hunt states early in Chapter 8 that encouraging others is no exercise in fluff. It’s hard work, and it is possible only by being grounded on the truths of scripture.

The foundation? The good news of Jesus Christ. Because he reconciled us to him, we have confidence to enter into his presence. And from that position, we’re more effective in helping others also move closer to him.

The closer we get to God and the tighter we hold to the hope we have in Him, the more we are able to encourage and equip others to a life of love and good deeds.

Be “with”
Encouraging others doesn’t just happen though. It requires thought and planning, and walking with the Master Encourager, learning from him.

And he appointed twelve (whom he also named apostles) so that they might be with him and he might send them out to preach.
Mark 3:14

There is more to teaching than simply conveying content. Jesus didn’t send his apostles to class or hand them a textbook to memorize; he invited them to be with him, to learn not only by his words, but by his example. He didn’t want them to just think like him, but to be like him.

So with mentoring. “Being with a spiritual mother who reflects Christ will encourage and equip a young woman to be like Him.”

Be together, with each other.

Just say it
The Greek word for encouragement, parakaleo, means “called to one’s aide, or called alongside.” Women are equipped with nurturing instincts and helpmate qualities to naturally assume the role of coming alongside each other to support and embolden others.

Yet it is still her conscious choice to create an atmosphere of encouragement. Placing her own confidence in Christ will propel her to action. Often women do not encourage or mentor others because they fear they might fail, or be rejected, or be criticized.

But recalling how God provides safety for her, she can step out of her own cave to be that safe place for other women. 

Serving others is one way to begin. Give a hug; help a young mom with her child; send a card. Be active.

With service comes more openings for deeper relationship, where even more meaningful encouragement can occur. The more they know each other’s needs and strengths, the more skilled they become in calling each other out to greater ministry.

Walking alongside each other, they fulfill a common purpose using individual gifts. Mutually encouraging each other to use their gifts brings glory to the Father in ways they might not have done on their own.

Encourage: come along beside. I think I can do that.

Summary of previous chapters
Discussion on Chapter 8
Next week: Ch 9, “The Power of Acceptance”

A mutual purpose (Ch 7 “Spiritual Mothering)

Chapter 7 is one of my favorites so far.
Join Joanne’s group at The Simple Wife for discussion.

Purpose
What makes spiritual mentoring work? The mutual desire to live for God’s glory.

In the beginning, we all start out self-centered. As babies, we want our own way. But we soon discover it’s not all about me. It’s also about Mommy, Daddy, others.

But we should also discover it’s not all about others either. There’s Someone Else.

Growing from self-centered to God-centered means I stop using you to serve me, and start serving you to honor God.

When Mary was told she would have a baby, she did NOT say:

• “I need time to process this. I’ll get back with you.”
• “But Joseph and I are planning a big wedding—I’ve dreamed of that day all my life. A pregnancy now would ruin it”
• “I’m not ready to be a mother. I need my space. I need more financial security. I’ll work a few years, then let’s talk.”

No, Mary said, “I am the Lord’s servant. Let it be as you say.” (Luke 1:38)

Elizabeth also submitted to the Lord’s plan, giving birth at a very old age. Both she and Mary understand their life purpose extended beyond themselves—not in honoring self, but in honoring God.

Humility

Humility is not a passive, syrupy sweetness. Humility is rugged obedience.

Neither Mary nor Elizabeth let pride rise up when it could have (after all, they were carrying the Lord’s boys!), but they both were humble to the Lord’s call. Easy? I don’t think so.

The humility they both expressed through obedience to the Lord also worked in their relationship with each other. Neither was possessive or needy or overly-attached. Their primary relationship was with God, which then opened up opportunities to enrich their relationship with each other.

Resent or Appreciate?
Susan Hunt explains a common dynamic among women’s relationships in the church.

An older woman may feel threatened by a younger woman’s energy and new ideas, and try to make herself feel better at the expense of the other, criticizing the younger woman’s choices. Or she may feel that today’s younger woman is too vain or self-centered or shallow, and take undue pride in her own spirituality and knowledge above the younger woman’s.

On the other hand, the younger woman may judge that the older woman has “retired” prematurely, and resents that she doesn’t help in ways that she would like her to. Or she feels that the older woman is so out of touch that there’s no way she could relate to the problems of today’s woman, and thus have no use for her.

The answer?

Learn to appreciate the value and meet the needs of each other. God has placed women in the church family in every stage and season of life, and they are to learn from and help each other, not resent each other. Living for God’s glory takes the emphasis off our individual agendas, and opens opportunities to serve each other instead.

Spiritual mentoring itself implies that one is farther along in development than the other. But even while the two are at different levels of growth, they are both heading the same direction.

And the goal of both is not only to live for God’s glory herself, but to help each other live for God’s glory.

Use words to encourage (Ch 6 “Spiritual Mothering”)

Elizabeth’s words
Did young Mary wonder how older Elizabeth would react to her? Mary was pregnant, unmarried. And a virgin? Would she be judged? Or would she be believed?

Luke 1:42-45 shows Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit, believing and rejoicing. How encouraging her words must have been to Mary!

So Mary, in turn, used her own mouth to rejoice over her situation and praise God (Luke 1:46-55). And now those very words have encouraged millions more (including me) for the past two thousand years.

Say it
Women need to hear words from other women. Don’t you blossom when you receive affirmation that you’re doing well? But not because you need flattery. You need words of assurance to equip and inspire you to continue in obedience, seeking the Father and living for his glory, not your own.

Be approachable
Author Susan Hunt points out that Elizabeth was approachable. Mary must have felt welcome going to her. Don’t you also seek out the approachable ones when you need a listening ear or sympathetic shoulder? How approachable are you to others? Are others comfortable coming to you?

One way to be approachable is to be a woman “saturated with God’s Word.” A working knowledge of Scripture leads you to offer grace and truth-filled advice, to encourage the pursuit of holiness that satisfies, not merely happiness that disappears.

Another characteristic of approachable is “brevity of expression.” Can you speak to the heart of the matter sooner rather than later? A few power-packed sentences can mean more, and be remembered better and longer, than hours of chatter.

A Spiritual Mothering challenge
The chapter closes with requesting you to pray, then. . .

1. Reflect on Proverbs 10:11
   “The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.”
2. Ask yourself
   Are my words a fountain of life?
   How often do I verbally affirm other women?
   How often do I say, “I love you . . . I appreciate you . . . I am proud of you”?
3. Make a list
   Write down names and traits you admire or appreciate about the women in your life. Say those words to them this week to encourage and equip them to live for God’s glory. 
4. Write a young woman away at college
   Let her know you’re praying for her. And send a “goodie box” if you’re able.

I have four nieces and a daughter away at college. A month ago we sent them each a goodie box. Not only did it make their day, but it made our day.

Encouraging others is not a dead-end street. Speaking strength into you is often the surest way for me to be re-energized myself. 

Summary of previous chapters
Discussion on Chapter 6
Next week: Ch 7, “To Live for God’s Glory”

Nurture the Relationship (Ch 5 “Spiritual Mothering”)

Mentoring is about relationship, naturally. But not just any kind of relationship. Specifically, a nurturing relationship.

Cultivating relationship
It’s safe to assume that Mary and Elizabeth had a nurturing relationship with each other. Not only because of their blood connection, but because of their grace connection.

Any two women who have received spiritual life from Jesus also have a grace connection. Established by God; cultivated by us.

Mary and Elizabeth had probably already cultivated their relationship prior to their miraculous pregnancies. They weren’t strangers.  So when Mary chose to share her good news, she went to Elizabeth. Author Susan Hunt of Spiritual Mothering asks us to notice that Mary, the younger woman, sought out Elizabeth, the older woman. 

She advises that we pursue that same pattern for mentoring relationships. “Often older women are willing, but they feel it would be presumptuous to approach a younger woman. Older women can do the cultivating, but younger women need to do the instigating.”

More than one
Mary and Elizabeth spanned different generations. Yet each was chosen by God to bring a baby into the world to fulfill a specific mission. They had a common purpose to glorify God through their sons.

What about Mary’s mother? We don’t know if she was alive or available to Mary. But even so, Mary still sought out Elizabeth. The more wisdom from an older generation, the better.

Susan Hunt says,

Mothers of adult daughters should encourage them to cultivate relationships with as many older women as possible. No matter how solid our relationships are with our biological daughters, their lives will be richer if they are also nurtured by other women.

Mothers, don’t be jealous. Share your daughters. The advantages are rich.

When my niece wanted the two of us to have lunch together to talk, my sister wasn’t upset by it, but glad that her daughter had several “older” ladies to glean wisdom from. And I was honored.

When my daughter at college introduced me to an older lady at her new church home that has helped her sew and cook, I was thrilled, not threatened. I want my girls to have many godly role models.

Outside ourselves
The mentoring relationship of nurturing cannot be self-centered. How was Elizabeth able to say to Mary, “Why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?” (Luke 1:43) 

Because she was God-centered, not self-centered. Filled with the Holy Spirit, not just her own spirit. 

Only through grace can we achieve such humility and selflessness. And get over ourselves and our perceived lack of usefulness. The Lord knows how to use us in each other’s lives for his glory, if we let go of our own self-image-control and follow his lead.

This Biblical knowledge of ourselves enables us to lay aside all that restricts us from entering into nurturing relationships with others. This Biblical self-view is what older women need to possess and to share with younger women.

Susan closes with this statement, “It takes time and effort, but such a nurturing relationship will bring forth praises to God.”

Doesn’t that make it all worthwhile?

* * *

Summary of previous chapters
Discussion on Chapter 5
Next week: Ch 6, “Encourage and Equip”

What to teach? (Ch 4 “Spiritual Mothering”)

Author Susan Hunt delves deeper than surface behavior changes for the goals of mentoring. It’s about godliness, a theme throughout Paul’s letter to Titus (Titus 1:1; 2:11-12; 3:8; 3:14).

An authentic faith is known not just by behavior, but evidenced by an entire life of love in word, deed, and attitude.

The most effective method for an older Christian woman to teach a younger Christian woman is by modeling a godly lifestyle. See it and believe it and try it on for size.

But verbal instruction is also needed.

When women meet with other women for Bible study, Susan says seize that advantage: apply Biblical truths in ways unique to a woman’s needs and challenges. The truths are the same for both men and women, but men and women approach life differently. Make the best use of separated times to learn and teach specifically for women.

The three elements she chooses for “the curriculum” of spiritual mothering are love, relationships, and conduct.

1. Love 

“and so train the young women to love their husbands and children”
Titus 2:4

But don’t we naturally know how to love?

Well, sort of. But frankly, agape love has to be learned. It’s not easy discovering and applying the best ways to love our husbands and children. We profit from guidance of those who walk ahead of us. Then we share with those behind us when we figure something out.

It begins with reverence toward God. When we place our trust in him, we’re freer to take greater risks in loving others.

And those risks involve being a servant, another thing that doesn’t come naturally. Learn to “take off” whatever keeps you from being a servant: selfishness, pride, laziness, insensitivity, etc.

Jesus modeled it for us. Follow his lead in modeling it for others.

2. Relationships

“. . . [to be] kind, and submissive to their own husbands. . .”
Titus 2:5

Relationships can be hard. But having a relationship with God radically infuses our earthly relationships with supernatural help. 

Root it in humility. How? It is “only a passion for God’s glory that can overpower our self-interest.” 

We learn from God, and then from others and to others how to affirm and encourage; how to love and accept; how to influence but not demand.

Seek to benefit from the life-experiences and life-observations of those who have already been there, done that, whether you see these examples in married women or single women, parents or childless.  

Our primary relationships are in our homes. Growing healthy relationships with those we live with every day sets an example of Christian love for the world to emulate.

3. Conduct

“to be self-controlled, pure, working at home. . .”
Titus 2:5

Paul encouraged the women to live a life of purity that comes from exercising self-discipline and control. And to be industrious, not lazy like the people of Crete (Titus 1:12). Older women should model and encourage younger women about the importance of these qualities.

* * *

As women grow in love, relationship, and godly conduct, they will honor God in rich ways. It will look different in the life of each woman as she goes about her daily calling. But as each models the life of Christ in these areas, she will be demonstrating the “shape of godliness” to others.

Summaries of Chapters 1-3
Discussion on Chapter 4
Next week: Ch 5, “A Nurturing Relationship”

The Who and Why of Spiritual Mothering (Ch 3)

The groundwork
The foundations for Spiritual Mothering have been established:
1. God is our reference point for everything.
2. Glorifying God is our goal in all we do.

In Titus 2:1, Paul wrote to Titus that his teachings needed to be based on sound doctrine. Paul wasn’t pushing for behavior change alone.

A change in thinking has to come first. And these properly-grounded thoughts are the true and factual principles of Christ’s teachings.

The traits
Paul lays out four general characteristics for the older women.
1. Reverent in behavior
“A reverent life is the product of a reverent view of God.” A reverent woman shows respect to God and treats others with love and honor.

2. Not slanderers
A woman who falsely accuses others would certainly be a poor example for a younger woman to follow, or even want to follow.

3. Not slaves to much wine
One fruit of the Holy Spirit is self-control. Living free of addictions is one indicator of a disciplined and mature life.

4. Teach what is good
The older women are to be instructors of virtuous things.

The means
So why didn’t Paul just instruct Titus to teach the sound doctrine himself? Why did he suggest working through older women instead? Author Susan Hunt writes,

God’s truth is the same, but our gender sometimes determines how that truth is pushed out into life. No man understands experientially how it feels to be a wife, to have a menstrual cycle, to have a baby, or to go through menopause.

Paul was smart enough to know that women need women to train them how to apply God’s Word to areas of our lives that are uniquely feminine.

The women
Who are the “older women”? Am I one? Are you?

Chronological age obviously plays a part because life experiences count. However, age alone is no sure indicator of who is an older woman. Spiritual maturity can’t be counted from birth.

But few among us think of ourselves as “spiritually mature” or having a firm grip on “sound doctrine.” Aren’t we off the hook then?

No. As Mrs. Hunt says,

Don’t sell yourself short, and don’t rob the kingdom of what you have to offer! If you are a Christian woman who is seeking to grow in the faith and to live obediently, then you are qualified for spiritual motherhood.

Sound doctrine does not mean that you are a theological expert. Spiritual maturity does not mean that you have reached super sainthood.

It does mean that you are growing in your knowledge of the Word and in your desire to apply the Word to every area of your life.

And there are women in your church who need you.

Celebrate it!
So instead of viewing the mandate as one more cross to bear, we can celebrate that God has so aptly designed us for the very purpose he calls us to. As we seek to be obedient to this calling, we grow all the more. Just as becoming a physical mother brings out new qualities of selflessness in us, so does spiritual mothering. 

Benefits abound with spiritual mothering. “When we make an investment in younger women, we will be enriched personally, the sense of community in the local church will be deepened, society will be blessed, and God’s Word will be honored.”

Discussion on Chapter 3
Next week: Chapter 4, “The Curriculum”

The purpose of “Spiritual Mothering” (Ch 2)

She had only been a Christian a few months. But she offered no excuses. She was now pregnant, single. And repentant.

She asked for a second chance. And the church rallied around her. Thank God.

Her baby turned one this weekend. Her decision against abortion and her resolve to raise her child has blessed many.

It was evidenced by the variety of people that showed up for the birthday party. Retired folks; little kids; old men; new mommies; great-grandmothers.

Her spiritual mother was there, too. They’ve shared much together. I’m blessed to be on the sidelines, watching, cheering, praying.

In such moments, I’m quite proud of God’s people. They make the Father look good, as he always is. Such a divine purpose. 

* * *
Chapter 2: A Life-Purpose

1. Purpose of Spiritual Mothering 
The goal? To glorify God.

When that drives our human relationships, it takes the pressure off. No more burden of having to meet outward goals. Focus on revealing God’s splendor.

Allow him to bear the burden of the outcomes. He can handle it; we don’t have to.

We plant seeds and work the garden. He is in charge of how pretty the flowers turn out.

2. Mary’s Response
Mary, mother of Jesus, is an example of a spiritual daughter. During her pregnancy, she went to Elizabeth for a time, perhaps to receive encouragement and advice and spread the good news.

But she didn’t stay there. She continued on with her husband, doing what God called her to do—glorify the Father by serving him.

How could Mary be such a faithful and obedient servant?

Susan Hunt, the author of Spiritual Mothering, points out that

• Mary was the object of God’s grace. She didn’t have to depend on her own merits or abilities, but on the favor of God.
• The Holy Spirit came upon her (Luke 1:35). She experienced extraordinary things and was led by God’s hand in extraordinary ways.
• Being certain of her life purpose, she was able to focus on glorifying God through simple obedience. As he led, she followed. Having a single focus simplifies.

3. Confidence in Christ vs Self-Confidence
Because Mary had given control of her life to God, she could let go of self-interest and self-promotion. She could let go of having confidence in who she was, and instead put her confidence in who God was.

The lesson is equally true today. When we’re focused on developing our own self-confidence, we live off-centered.

But if we want to live full of sureness and hopefulness, we place our confidence in Someone else. Jesus Christ is the one worth believing in and putting our hopes in. Not ourselves. Not others. 

In mentoring relationships, the focus should never rest on our abilities to teach or to learn, to comfort or to be comforted, but on how to glorify God through obedience to his teachings. Keeping his glory as our central focus clears away many obstacles that can trip us up in our earthly relationships.

Scripture does not record much about Mary’s influence or interactions with other women of her time. But certainly she was an example of a spiritual mother. We do know that women throughout all generations, including ours, call her “blessed” (Luke 1:42, 48). 

Not because she was perfect or worthy to be worshiped. She was neither. But she knew who is perfect and she worshiped him.

May we do likewise. Together. Mothers, daughters, sisters, friends. 

O magnify Jehovah with me, and let us exalt His name together.
Psalm 34:3 (MKJV)

Discussion on Ch 2
Next week Ch 3: “The Command”

Spiritual Mothering (Ch 1)

Joanne at The Simple Wife (yes, the same Joanne who graciously hosts Memory Monday) is leading a 12-week journey, beginning today, through Spiritual Mothering: The Titus 2 Model for Women Mentoring Women by Susan Hunt.

There’s still time for you to please join the conversation with us!

Chapter 1 “Our Reference Point”
O Jerusalem, Jerusalem . . .
how often I have longed to gather your children together,
as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings.
Matthew 23:37

1. Spiritual mothering is . . .

. . .when a woman possessing faith and spiritual maturity enters into a nurturing relationship with a younger woman in order to encourage and equip her to live for God's glory.

“Enters into a relationship”
It has to start somewhere. Sometimes circumstances; sometimes intentionality by one or both parties. But whichever, it’s about connection. Because God is always involved, be assured that it is no accident. He doesn’t start things haphazardly, but always infuses purpose and meaning.

“To encourage and equip”
The intentionality continues. Deliberately do something. Help her grow. Give her support. Inspire her with confidence. Provide tools and words and understanding.

“To live for God’s glory” 
The great purpose. All of the above leads to this: the goal of living life so the Father is most glorified. Help her do this.

2. Our need for mothers
Do we ever outgrow needing our mothers? When I’m faced with dilemmas I’m unsure how to handle, or with emotional wounds that I need to vent, or with joys that I want to celebrate, I still find myself saying, “I wish I could talk it over with Mama.”

I  was blessed with many years to do that. But the past several have brought the unwelcome visitor of Alzheimer’s into our relationship.

I continue to grieve the losses, but I try to move forward with faith into unknown territory with my sweet mother. I treasure the many traces of familiar that still remain, and pray for courage to face whatever is next.

I know I am not unique in this longing for “mother.” I see it frequently from young women who have no available mother, either because of physical distance, emotional distance, illness, or death.

3. Our need to mother
And I also see the longing to be a mother. God, in his goodness and wisdom, did not make having children (biological or adopted) as a prerequisite to mothering. As Susan Hunt says, “Biological birthing is not the activator of this capacity [for mothering]; women who have never given physical birth still have this mothering capacity.”

She further explains,

Our femaleness gives us the capacity for mothering; our faith produces certain characteristics of mothering.

Some characteristics we see from the Scriptures are strength, excellence, tenderness, generosity, desire to nurture, comfort, compassion, affection, protection, and sacrifice.

These characteristics are relational—they simply will not allow a person to be an isolationist.

I praise God for women in my life who refuse to be isolationists, but who reach out to “younger” women like me, and I pray for greater capacity and selflessness in me to reach back out to those younger than I am.

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
Titus 2:3-5

4. Challenge
Susan Hunt ends the chapter with several “Spiritual Mothering Challenges.” Here are three.

1. Begin with prayer. Read and meditate on Matthew 23:37; Isaiah 49:14-16a; Isaiah 66:10-14a; Colossians 1:16-18.

2. Pray for opportunities. To mentor and to be mentored.

3. Write a card of appreciation to an older woman and to a younger woman.

Discussion on Ch 1
Next week: Ch 2, “A Life-Purpose”

* * * * *

Mothering dilemma of the day:
My 20-yr-old daughter just called with a question.

Coming home for lunch, she discovered her roommate’s cupcakes on the counter (for a baby shower tonight) totally covered in ants. She got rid of the ants. Should she keep the cupcakes?, she wanted to know.

Um, I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to eat or serve a plate of cupcakes that had previously been covered in ants. My initial advice? Throw them away!

My second, more thoughtful advice? Call the roommate and let her make the decision.

I do love being a mother. :-)