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I’m still prejudiced

And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.”
John 8:7

waffle-house

I’m still prejudiced.

Sometimes I get this false notion I’ve outgrown it.

Oh, how wrong I am.

It doesn’t take much to prove it.
How about a Saturday breakfast at Waffle House?

Two white customers at the counter in front of us were dressed immodestly. Anybody would say so. One had tight, black yoga pants with a short shirt, belly oozing out every opening it could find. Scuffed, red, very high heel shoes on her feet.

But she was decent compared to the other. I don’t remember the second woman’s shirt; I couldn’t get past her skirt. Or, piece of cloth, I should say. Pink, tight, short, and see-through. Black thong underwear underneath.

They were sitting beside a man, slightly older, buying the morning meal. At a minimum, this meal.

All that was bad enough. Or so I thought. Until they stood up to leave.

When the woman in the “skirt” got up, her small amount of clothing had shifted. This was bad. (The lady beside us covered up her son’s eyes. If I’d known it was coming, I’d have covered up Jeff’s.)

I blossomed into full judgment mode now.

What was this trashy woman thinking? Why was she bringing her prostitute self into a Waffle House where families were trying to eat breakfast? Did she have no other clothes to wear in public? 

Then she said something. To us.

She apologized.

It was short, granted, and I can’t vouch for her sincerity, but in one short statement, she acknowledged who she was and acknowledged who we were.

“I’m sorry, ladies; excuse the skirt.”

Sigh.

And I was sorry, too. Maybe she saw no way out of her mess. She looked ragged. I’d noticed her feet had sores, and when I looked at her face, I saw a band aid covering a cut near her eye.

This was a broken woman.

That made two of us. Broken in different ways, to be sure. But nonetheless, here we were, two women made in the image of God, intersecting at Waffle House on a Saturday game day in Auburn, Alabama. Both with hurts. Both with sin.

And both with hope?

I know I have it. I thank God for it. Whatever life throws at me, I can throw it back (eventually anyway) and claim, “Better is on the way!”

But this woman? What hope is she holding on to? Does she know Jesus?

Instead of jumping to judging, I wish I’d passed through praying when I first saw this woman. But as Grace covers my indecent prejudice, Grace also helps me outgrow it.

And Grace wants to cover her, too. Grow her some hope. Grace can do that.

I pray she’ll let him.

   Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
   She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”

John 8:10-11

* *

What helps you pray before judging?

Comments (32)

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Ms. Lisa, these sites may be of interest to you & your readers. There are actually thousands of women in the United States who are working in prostitution against there will due to sex-trafficking. It is happening all over the world. When I took the bus from Atlanta to Huntsville in August and Misty picked me up at the bus station, we witnessed two women in prostitution getting into a car with a man who had been waiting for them.

Sometimes it is a choice & they just don't know where to go, but so often it is also the result of forced labor by means of slavery. I just wanted to pass these websites on to anyone who reads today's blog, so that we may all work together against human trafficking! <3 There are certain "warning signs" that a girl is working in prostitution against her will, and a list of such can be found on these two sites:
http://www.thea21campaign.org/signs-of-sex-traffi...
http://www.operationbrokensilence.org/2011/07/hum...

Also, these two well-known anti-trafficking organizations have advice on what to do if we suspect that someone is a victim of trafficking or if we want to report the possibility of a trafficking ring being present in our cities!
http://www.polarisproject.org/what-we-do/national...
http://www.polarisproject.org/what-we-do/national...

In February of this year, there was a trafficking ring found about 45 minutes from my hometown (just weeks before I was to fly out to Mumbai). Until that day, I never realized that the very thing I was going overseas to work against was going on so close to my own home.

I am so thankful that you wrote about this today. I love reading your blog & am so thankful for your beautiful heart & relationship with Jesus!

Love you & God bless,
Lauren Branch :)
3 replies · active 645 weeks ago
Sometimes I publish a post only to wake up with bloggers' remorse about it the next day. I was feeling that about this one.

Until I saw your comment this morning.

After seeing those women this weekend, I later thought about you. And your stories from India. The stories continue to haunt me, as they should. I will sit down this afternoon--pray first--and read from the links you shared.

I'm also adding links here to your friends' blogs that you shared earlier on Facebook. One by one, thousands by thousands, may our eyes be opened and may the Lord reveal to use what we can do about what we see.

http://coveringofgrace.wordpress.com/
http://freedomreignshere.wordpress.com/

Thank you, Lauren, for being an example of the Lord's mercy and compassion.

The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.
Psalm 145:8 (NIV)

I love you much and thank God for you!
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I am so thankful for you, Ms. Lisa. Couldn't be more blessed than to have met all of you in Huntsville almost two years ago! <3 I love you dearly.

I also struggle with this issue in my initial reactions to things that seem to be either outside of my comfort zone, God's will, or the "norm." This post is a great reminder of the beauty of humility and our need to pour out the grace on others that He has poured out on us.

Your heart never ceases to bless and amaze me. <3 I am grateful to have women in my life who are such a beautiful example of Christ's love and grace. :)

Thank you also for sharing the girls' blogs on here! That touched my heart in so many ways. Hope to have the privilege of seeing you again soon! <3

With love, Lauren :)
I love you much, too, Lauren! You are a living blessing to so many of us, and an example of God's grace in action. I would love to spend time with you any opportunity I can get.
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What a convicting post... Thank you for sharing this!
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1 reply · active 646 weeks ago
It's amazing how much God can show us in one small encounter...
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Apologies to those trying to comment but having trouble.

I'd love to hear what you have to share.

One possible solution: Go to the home page http://lisanotes.blogspot.com
and submit your comment from that page--with fingers crossed. :-)

Thanks!

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I'd probably have those same thoughts, sad to say, Lisa. Your post is such a great reminder of how much we have in common with every other frail and flesh and bone human being. I need to keep this in my mind/heart and active in my prayers too. :)
1 reply · active 646 weeks ago
You're right, Beth. I think we have more in common than we have differences when we look at the big picture. We're all in desperate need of the Lord's grace.
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Ro,
Yes, this issue is such an easy place to sit in judgment--and not that we can't judge prostitution as wrong because it is--but we're still to look past the issue at hand and see the broken person in it. I'm glad we have each other and so many more to remind us to keep pushing through...

Original comment:
oh lisa...I know this all too well...I long for my first response to be filled with compassion...not judgement...and I can really find myself doing this so quickly when it comes to woman...modesty...or lack of...Yes...for my first response is to pray for the person...and maybe...just maybe...they could feel the love of God in that place. thanks for being so honest...I need to continued to be pointed toward God’s heart...and you did just that~

thanks again...
blessings and grace,
ro

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This is a precious post.
This is a difficult area -- I've struggled with this kind of thing many times, especially with raising three boys and wanting to protect them. And even those who are more brazen about it are in need of grace -- I need to remember to pray for them rather than just getting angry/frustrated.
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1 reply · active 646 weeks ago
This must be a hard area for many of us. I can only imagine with three boys...
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Amy Nabors's avatar

Amy Nabors · 646 weeks ago

I am so guilty of this. I am trying to do better about stopping to pray first. Not so easy.
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1 reply · active 646 weeks ago
And I wonder how many times I haven't even thought to pray at all in those situations. :-( Yikes. But the Lord is full of grace. So thankful for the way he gently leads us and gives us more opportunities and new mercy every morning.

Both my nieces loved Highlands yesterday. :-) It was a very good weekend.
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Prayer is the only way I can deal with these kind of situations. Jesus was compassionate. Jesus was grace-filled, loving, caring. I so much want to be like him but I do fail. The only way I can become gracious is by God's grace. Thank you, Lisa, for sharing this story. We truly need God's mercy and grace to become more like Jesus. BLESSINGS!
My recent post Extending Grace not Judgment
1 reply · active 646 weeks ago
We are blessed to have so many stories about Jesus setting this example for us.

I encourage those reading the comments to skip over to your blog and read your post today about "Extending Grace, Not Judgment." http://www.flowingfaith.com/2012/11/extending-gra...
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I tried to post on the regular site, but no go... Glad I read the comments to find this!

Oh man. How many times have I too passed judgment and sentencing on people by thinking I can read their heart... God forgive me. I have thought many times that those people are closer to coming to a saving knowledge of our Father than the ones who act like they're already there, dress like they're already there, but have not the heart of our Father in them.

Nothing like a some chicken and eggs from Waffle House to make my day... Oh, and grits instead of hash browns please...
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1 reply · active 646 weeks ago
(This isn't a perfect solution to the comment problem, but maybe it will work in a pinch...)

Yep, it's so easy to judge by outward appearances, despite our having been warned not to do that. I need that forgiveness too, over and over.

I may be from the south but I still don't eat grits. :-) I'll take hash browns any day.
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2 more important links:

(1) This is a prayer guide to help in the fight against human trafficking:
http://www.thea21campaign.org/downloads/a21prayer...

(2) This is an address you can write a "Dear Beautiful" note to a girl in a shelter recovering from trafficking:
http://www.thea21campaign.org/write-a-letter.php

My recent post I’m still prejudiced
We were just talking about this very topic in our bible study as we've been reading Bridges book, Respectable Sins. I didn't realize how judgmental I can be until I thought about it. It comes on quick too. Praying for grace to remember all the grace I've been given and to see others as God sees them. Thanks for the transparency here. Blessings!
1 reply · active 646 weeks ago
I've been wanting to read “Respectable Sins” for quite awhile now. Maybe I've put it off because it will hit home too much? Bridges has a way of making me see things I don't want to see, but need to see.

"Praying for grace to remember all the grace I've been given" - yes!

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I appreciate your encouragement, Amy. God definitely knows how to keep it real with us. You help do that with for me, too, with your real-life ways to live out our love for Christ that you share on your blog. Thank you, friend.
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I bet next time you jump right to prayer - and maybe even more. When you have a child take the prodigals path, you want people to cross their paths to love them, pray for them - spiritual mother and father for them - and your post is such a perfect example of 1) how we grow more courageous to reach out and minister and 2) how we need to stop judging and start loving - like they were our children, like we're God's children! The amazing, awesome thing is you can reach her through prayer now! What a mission!
1 reply · active 646 weeks ago
Your comment really touched me...if that had been MY daughter sitting on the stool, how would I have wanted people to look at her? With eyes of judgment and hatred, or hearts full of grace and concern? I don't want to even think about it, but when I do, it changes everything. Lord, have mercy--help us see your babies through YOUR eyes...
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Oh, friend. Your stories always open my eyes. My small community rarely offers this type of opportunity for us, but how we judge other "lesser" sins. Compassion is prejudice for me too, it seems, Lisa. Thank you for the ways you challenge me and make me go deeper.
1 reply · active 646 weeks ago
The Lord gives us the opportunities we need, yes? Big or small, they come, ready or not (and I'm usually not). He is gracious. Thanks for your willingness each week to give us the link-up opportunity to share our stories of how God is at work. You serve us.
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Lisa, this is so good. Hope you don't mind I shared on facebook. I read your comment about where the next day you second guessed yourself. It isn't amazing that sometimes when we wonder if we said the right thing that God shows us how much he can use our words if we are willing. Thank you for going through the whole process to show us how quickly we can judge. I love the story in John 8 where it said the older ones put down the stones and walked away first. Maybe it takes a lifetime for us to finally act in the way we should.
1 reply · active 646 weeks ago
I appreciate you pointing out that the older ones dropped the stones first. That is in the text for a reason. It makes you stop and think.

I'm about to be 50, so I'm fitting more and more into that "older ones" category. ;-) Of course if I live as old as Mama Coleman, I'm not even halfway there yet!

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We all judge first and anyone who says they don't are lying, to themselves. A few weeks ago i was at a cash machine when a man not too tidy or clean was trying to retrieve money from the cash machine next to mine. There was much tutting and signing from the queue behind us when he tried again and again unsuccessfully to obtain any money. I must add that the man was obviously trying to get somewhere as he had a small suitcase at his feet.
My tutting joined with everyone else's but as it became my turn at cash point, the Spirit said do it. I did it, i answered the call. I took out an extra £10 note and offered it to the man as he was about to turn away. His reply to my offer was 'what? but i can't give you it back'. I said that's okay pay it forward. his reply 'you mean give it someone else?' I said 'yes, there will come an opportunity to do so, make sure you do it'.
It is not up to me to wonder if he did or if he will because after my tutting and signing i saw something more, a child of God in need that i could help and did so.
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1 reply · active 646 weeks ago
Yes! A wonderful story, Beverley.

I used to talk myself out of giving even the smallest change to questionable people because I couldn't assure it would go to good use. And while we do need to be faithful stewards of our resources, we also need to see beyond our own logic, and envision--as you put it--"a child of God in need that I can help." Thanks for sharing this. Whether or not the man paid it forward, you at least gave him an opportunity to think about it and do it.
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