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5 graces when a woman prays

Genesis_1-27As a child, I have only a few memories of my mother praying aloud. One grandmother who would, the other never.

But as an adult, I’ve been blessed to hear many women pray. And when I started doing it myself, it opened up new areas in my relationship with God.

Granted, I’m blessed to hear men pray, too. The vast majority of prayers I hear are from men.

But I appreciate hearing the female perspective because women pray differently...more like, well, women.

Just as female conversations can differ from male conversations, our prayers can, too. Not better or worse, just different.

I’ve been thinking especially this week of the graces I hear when women pray.

Here are five I’ve heard recently.

1. Simplicity
Perhaps because we haven’t had as many years to build up the lofty vocabulary associated with oral prayers, a woman often prays with simpler words, plainer words.

When a 13-year-old girl prayed in our Sunday night small group for a woman going on a mission trip, her words were pure and straightforward. I felt the grace in her uncomplicated way of talking to God about a friend.

2. Passion    
Excuse the overly-used stereotype of women as more emotional than men (excluding King David of course), but, hey, usually we are. God made us this way. For His good reasons. 

Listening to a woman pray about her brother’s depression, I heard a pleading with God for help that reminded me God cares as deeply about our loved ones as we do. It’s okay to let it all spill out. He understands. And appreciates our passion.

3. Empathy
There are certain situations where a woman’s words are just more relevant (just as there are certain ones where a man’s words are).

Hearing a sister pray for another sister who is going through a hardship in her marriage, one perhaps she too has known, has an unmatched authenticity. This happens often in our small group when we divvy up prayers requests, each person taking a request closest to his or her own heart.

4. Vulnerability
Not sure if this is fair to call a female trait (I’ve heard many a man pray vulnerable prayers), but a woman is typically more comfortable talking about her struggles than a man is. She does it often with her female friends, and so can more easily transfer that skill to her conversations with God.

When I hear a woman lay bare her heart before the Lord, it draws me closer not only to her, but to Him as well.

5. Relationship 
Perhaps this is another stereotype, but I often notice the same prayer request elicits one type of prayer from a man and a different one from a female. Because we are often the more relational, face-to-face sex (as opposed to the male, side-by-side one), our prayers often tilt toward healing of relationships between each other and with God, and the intricacies associated with those.

Hearing a woman pray about a single mom moving into a new home will often have a different twist than if a man prays about it because we think along a different track.

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
Genesis 1:27

Because we’re both created in God’s image, it’s a beautiful thing to hear each other relate to the Father. Each gender brings it own gifts to the conversation.

If you’re a woman given opportunity to pray aloud, I encourage you to—not only are you talking to God, but you may be blessing a brother or sister with an invaluable peek into a sister’s soul and a new way of relating to the Father.

If you’re a man with a heart and ear to listen, don’t shy away from asking women to pray along with you. You might be surprised to find your own relationship with God enhanced through the experience.

* * *
I wish we could all pull up a chair and pray in person together. But prayer is good anytime, anywhere, any way.

Comments (28)

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What a blessing to have heard a mother and grandmother praying aloud. Not growing up in a Christian home, I didn't have that privilege. It didn't occur to me til reading this that even though I leaned heavily on my m-i-l to pray for me through the years, I don't think we ever prayed together. Part of that was the 2,000 mile distance between us until recently.

I hadn't really thought about gender differences in praying before. There is much we can learn from each other.
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1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
I've really not taken good advantage to pray with most of the Christian women I've been blessed with in my life. It's a shame because for the most part we've either felt too uncomfortable to do it or else didn't even think about it. :-( I want to do better about that in the second half of my life. (Well, I've probably been in the second part of my life for a few years already. ha).

My recent post 5 graces when a woman prays
Mmm, I agree about the Passion one (well, I agree with all of them); it is true, very true, that it is overly-stereotyped. But I love how you included about the woman who prayed passionately. As we all should!!!!
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1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
I agree that we should all pray with passion--women and men. What could be more important than conversations with God?
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I enjoyed reading this post and the perspective it gave me about the importance of praying out loud with other women. I am not comfortable praying outloud, but I press on because I believe in the power of prayer. This post reminds me that my praying out loud can bless someone.

I can relate to all you wrote but most especially the way most women can pray more empathetically. I've been in situations where the praying woman is able to put voice to thoughts the one being prayed for because the praying woman had been in a similar situation. Such a connecting, healing type of prayer.
1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
I love those kind of prayers too. I've felt so covered with love when others have prayed for me with such understanding and empathy.
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Lisa, thank you for this. It's awesome to realize the different strengths women possess in their prayers. Praying out loud together can certainly be uplifting!
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1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
I wish my eyes had been opened to it earlier in my life, but I'm thankful that for the past 20 years or so I've discovered how much strength can be found in praying with others. Not to replace our individual prayers, but to add to them. They definitely are uplifting!
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You said well what we men need to learn. Until we listen to all God's children talking to Abba, we are missing too much.
1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
Thank you, Ed, for being one of the great champions for this. You've taught me a lot; I hope to keep learning from you.
My recent post 5 graces when a woman prays
I do love the prayers of simplicity. Simple words. Honest heart. And I appreciate the way you distinguish between being "emotional" and being "passionate." These are two sometimes similar, yet also distinct attributes.
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1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
I particularly like listening to children praying for the beauty of their simplicity. They just speak it as they see it, not yet having learned all the "proper" words and phrases that sometimes unfortunately pepper our prayers.
My recent post 5 graces when a woman prays
This was good to read Lisa. I think I enjoy reading more elaborate prayers and contemplating them but when I'm in a group praying out loud it's easier to track with more simple prayers.
1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
I'm with you on that, Ellen. For elaborate, it helps me to see it and slow down and re-read as necessary.
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this was great, Lisa!! thank you for doing your faves this way! i always learn something or am encouraged by something I read here!! I never heard my own mother pray aloud either and I make sure that every evening I pray over my children while they are still awake. well, now i text prayers to my college girl! lol...but...that really struck me that there are other women who haven't head their own moms pray aloud. My mom is a born again Christian but never really discusses her faith much. And I LOVE the various things you've said about the differences....this was chock full of good stuff!!
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1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
Thanks, Faith. I haven't thought about texting prayers to my own college girl (oh, actually she's not a college girl anymore! I still can't get used to that), but I could be doing that too. Glad you mentioned it!
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This is an interesting list. Huh. In our case, my husband is probably the more passionate prayer. (Actually, I think he's a great deal more "skilled" than I in this department.) I'm constantly blown away by his prayers.

But this is an interesting way to look at women and prayer.

Sorry to have confused you on the blog switch up. ;D (I figured that would happen!) But thanks for your comment!
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1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
I do know some men too who are more passionate than some women, so forgive my overgeneralization. :-)

Typically men do seem more "skilled" if for no other reason than they've had much more experience doing it--at least in my corner of the world. We often have a ways to catch up. But then again there are many women that keep me right in the room with God when they pray and make me know his presence is right here with us. Love that.

Praying your house situation gets aired out soon. ;-) I'm sure that's been very rough.
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I have never seen anybody praying aloud, religion is considered to be very private in Belgium. I don't even know if my neighbors whom I know for over 30 years are praying, or go to church. I don't think so.
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1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
That's interesting, Gattina. The area I live in the southern part of the U.S. is actually known as the Bible Belt. That means it's not unusual to see public displays of religion. But that makes it hard to distinguish between what is cultural and what is genuinely spiritual. Each person has to decide that in his own heart. Other than that, God is the only one that can know for sure. The rest of us just have to look at what kind of fruit the person produces from their life. But even then, we don't need to judge.

Thanks for sharing your perspective, Gattina; I'm always interested in hearing it. Have a great weekend and stay warm! Our high today is 33 F; that might seem warm to you. ha.
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Women praying together is a wonderful thing.
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1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
Yes, it's one of my favorites.
My recent post Lay it down
I love listening to kid's pray! Straight from the heart and to the point. And full of faith. How do we lose that?

Loved this perspective, Lisa.
1 reply · active 685 weeks ago
A child's prayer is almost sure to bring a smile to my face too. I can imagine God is the same way. I'm not sure what happens to us to lose that dependency and assurance that God will answer our prayers. Imagine how much stronger we'd all be if maintained that faith...
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This is a great post and a good reminder of praying from our hearts.
1 reply · active 685 weeks ago
Thanks, Willow. I think we're often the most honest with ourselves when we're talking straight to God.
My recent post Counting more blessings in triplet
Thank you for your perspective on the prayers of women. I'd always grown up hearing my parents pray -- mom's longer, more empathetic and detailed; dad's shorter more succinct prayers.
1 reply · active 685 weeks ago
You were blessed to have heard both your parents pray. Your comment made me think back to when I was younger; my silly girlfriends and I would actually time how long some of the men at church would pray. ;-) (Obviously our minds weren't where they were supposed to be.)
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