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First loss—accidental. Second loss—choice.

delete

I cried about it.

Once I realized what I had done.

Hours earlier, I highlighted all the e-mail in one folder. I hit “delete.” I exited out and ate lunch.

But when I opened it back up that afternoon, nothing was in my “To do” folder. Or my “Write back” folder. Or even my “Sent” folder.

Gone.
Everything was gone.
I had inadvertently even emptied the “Trash.” Permanently.

(* Lesson: If you have a folder labeled “All mail,”
believe it: it may truly mean ALL mail. Duh.)

So I cried.

And I tweeted. I received sympathetic replies. I received needed prayers. I received wonderful advice (“cry, but not too long”).

When I lose things on accident (even by my own hand), how proportional is my grief to its worth?

I had to ask myself. Exactly why was I taking this so hard?

Well, because now I’d have friends wondering why I wasn’t responding to their e-mails. I’d not know who to report to for book reviews. Addresses, embedded details to projects, prayer requests—all would now slip through the cracks.

Don’t those things matter? Aren’t they worth crying about?

Yes.
And no.

Were my tears more about my idols toppling over than about how others were going to be affected?

My idol of efficiency was broken. My idol of organization, even of responsibility, had cracked. My reputation of being a “together” person might be tarnished (don’t laugh). 

I had to face it:
I needed to repent. 

I read Psalm 4, this week’s text for the Run to Him study. David was crying out in distress, too. (I’m guessing it wasn’t over lost e-mail.) He knew God would listen. 

And then I read verse 7. Wham!

You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound.
Psalm 4:7

My joy shouldn’t come from being efficient. Or from being organized. Or even from being responsible (although those are good things, and I can rightly get and give joy from those things, just like abounding grain and wine).

But my fullest joy can only be found in one place. A place not dependent on the memory of my hard drive or even in my faulty soft one.

My joy comes from God.
He places it in my heart. Not in a scheduling system. Certainly not in a computer.

So I wanted to offer a sacrifice of praise. What could I lay on the altar as an act of submission—of celebration!—honoring God’s control, not mine?

I knew.
E-mail folders.

I opened up my other e-mail account—the really bloated one. I knew immediately which folder needed to go. It was a superfluous one—one that served only my ego. I highlighted all. Then I hit delete.

But this time I didn’t cry.
It felt good. I felt joy.
In choosing to lose, I gained.

* * *

Later that night, I discovered that Christi, the daughter of one of my best friends, Kathy, had barely made it into the bathtub with her husband before a tornado ripped off their roof near Birmingham, Alabama.

They lost their home, but their faith was intact. Christi’s reply: Job 1:21. christi-house

And I had been crying over lost e-mail that very day? Really? I repented again. I’m still deleting folders.

Comments (34)

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Thanks for this Lisa, made me think.
Love the verse!
My recent post Week 3 in photos
1 reply · active 696 weeks ago
I'm still thinking about it all, too, Karyn. So many lessons I need to learn!
My recent post First loss—accidental. Second loss—choice.
Oh no! That's too bad. I feel your pain - once I accidentally deleted a folder containing addresses and passwords and I don't know what all else. It was a blow, but not as big as this one. But compared to losing a home -- that really puts things into perspective. Glad they're ok and resting in the Lord.

Don't go too haywire deleting stuff. :-) I tend to keep more than I should since "once it's gone, it's gone." But I do need to "houseclean" in there more often.
My recent post What’s On Your Nightstand: January 2012
1 reply · active 696 weeks ago
I'll try not to go overboard, Barbara. :-) It actually feels good to be off-loading some stuff.

I need to do that with physical stuff too. I did go through a box of my mom's jewelry yesterday that's been sitting in a corner of my bedroom for a year and a half. I picked out a few sentimental things I want to keep (she wasn't much into jewelry; neither am I) and the rest I'll give to my older sister. She never throws anything out (her email folders are CRAZY big! ha), so I know it'll be there with her forever if I ever want to look at it again.
My recent post First loss—accidental. Second loss—choice.
Thanks, Lisa - good thoughts on what is really important. Crazy how we make some things seem more important than they really are - I am so guilty of this, as well.
My recent post Close Connection
1 reply · active 696 weeks ago
It is crazy how we can get so out of whack and need readjusting. I suppose God knows we couldn't handle it all at once, so he parcels it out bit by bit.
My recent post First loss—accidental. Second loss—choice.
Thanks for a "perspective" post...a good read and reminder...AGAIN! The study in my neighborhood is Beth Moore's "Strongholds" updated work. ..hmmm....what about my computer may have strongholds on my life...subtly or subliminally...and I am not aware...or more like it...I am blinded or seared to it....???? You are making me think - along with my homework. HUGS and love...xo have a great day Lisa...(glad your friends are OK!)
My recent post Pillow Love...and Semper Fi!
1 reply · active 696 weeks ago
I haven't heard of that study; it sounds good. And I've never even done a Beth Moore study--am I the only one left??? We almost got one started a year ago but it fell through. One of these days...

We always have to be thinking, huh? It's too dangerous to just drift along. Hope you're having a great day too, Julie!
My recent post First loss—accidental. Second loss—choice.
There is a fine line between wanting to handle our lives with excellence and efficiency, conscientious about the details, and the creeping idolatry of finding our own worth in our pursuit of perfection. I know--I walk that line all the time, and fall off a lot! Happy you found your balance again!
My recent post Why Not?
1 reply · active 696 weeks ago
Thanks, Shaunie. I have to keep my eye on that line; it tends to shift when I'm not looking...
My recent post First loss—accidental. Second loss—choice.
Lisa,
This is beautiful.
1 reply · active 696 weeks ago
Thanks, Trisha. I think of you often in this winter of your grief. So many losses last year. But I know you find joy in so many little faces around you too. Praying for you, friend.
My recent post First loss—accidental. Second loss—choice.
Good thought provoking post. Reminded me of when our roof leaked and we had to get a new roof. I whined and complained to everyone about the expense and now we had to postpone a vacation in order to pay for it. A good friend finally said to me in a very fake sympathetic voice
My recent post Creator God and Chocolate – Two Great Words Beginning with the letter “C”
1 reply · active 696 weeks ago
I'd hate to see a tape of all the things I've whined about through the years. Yuck. I'm glad God uses a "Delete" key on those!
My recent post First loss—accidental. Second loss—choice.
As usual, very convicting and a great reminder, Lisa. I needed this.
1 reply · active 696 weeks ago
I love how the Lord can convict us in just the ways we need. Doesn't mean it isn't painful, but it's worth it.
My recent post First loss—accidental. Second loss—choice.
Excellent work... Except for the part that made me realize that I too have little idols dragging me down! By losing of ourselves we do indeed gain. Always a profound impact, I'm not sure it will ever sink into this thick head, but I appreciate the heart and encouragement I receive from wise words. Thanks again is all I can say.
My recent post WHAT’S IN A CHEEK?
1 reply · active 696 weeks ago
Yeah, those little idols definitely can drag us down. Often before we're even aware of it, unfortunately. But we keep plugging on. Grace is good stuff!
My recent post An adventure...but...
Loss big or little is tough. Thanks for your honest and encouragement. Praying for your friend.
1 reply · active 696 weeks ago
Thanks for your prayers. Yes, loss is rarely easy, regardless of the size.
My recent post An adventure...but...
oh man...deleting all the email would have crushed me as well...but def put in perspective by your friends loss...and i know that folder i have one too...hmm...
1 reply · active 696 weeks ago
It's often all in the perspective, huh? I needed that correcting one to straighten me back out.
My recent post An adventure...but...
One of my favorite quotes {paraphrased} - 'add to your life through subtraction' - is not only inspiration to let go, but also a reminder to be thankful when forced to release.

I so appreciate those tears over lost folders, blessings as you let go.
My recent post Breaking Down Monuments
1 reply · active 696 weeks ago
That's good math. I'll try to remember that! Thank you.
My recent post An adventure...but...
Wow! Very powerful testimony my dear friend and sister! God is surely glorified and exalted by your repentance, humility and openness! You are a beautiful picture of the continual cleansing and sanctification we have through Christ! You are much loved!
1 reply · active 696 weeks ago
Thank you, Selwyn. You're such an encouragement to me to stay on the right path, regardless of the cost. It's always worth it. You are much loved too!
My recent post An adventure...but...
Lisa, I love your heart for God and your willingness to go where He leads...also love Psalm 4...great post! By the way, did you figure out what you wanted to do with blogging- schedulewise? You mentioned it in one of your prior posts.
My recent post When a friend sees you
1 reply · active 696 weeks ago
Thanks for asking, Dolly. I didn't come up with a formal blogging schedule to try out, but I am intentionally skipping at least two posts a week that I normally write. Even that is making a positive difference. But equally as big is I'm spending less time at other blogs (although I still feel kinda guilty about commenting less), but that was taking up a lot of time too. Still striving for balance, but maybe I'm a little closer anyway.

My recent post An adventure...but...
i felt my heart lurch when you said you'd inadvertently trashed everything. oh friend. i did that once too. and i cried too. i love you lisa. xo
1 reply · active 696 weeks ago
Then you know how I felt. It was a bad feeling, but one I needed to feel as a stepping stone to learn bigger lessons. I love you too Emily. Your heart is so full to love so many.
My recent post An adventure...but...
This, Lisa. This: "My joy shouldn’t come from being efficient. Or from being organized. Or even from being responsible (although those are good things, and I can rightly get and give joy from those things, just like abounding grain and wine).

But my fullest joy can only be found in one place."

That is EXACTLY how I feel and what I continue to learn and need reminders of. Thank you for sharing this knowledge with us!
My recent post Five Minute Friday: Tender
1 reply · active 696 weeks ago
I think we have a lot of traits in common, Caroline. I'm glad to be doing this study with you so we can keep learning together. You are a blessing.
My recent post When things change too fast
Amazing how God uses other people and events to put things into perspective for us, isn't it?
My recent post Forgiving When it Hurts
1 reply · active 692 weeks ago
Yes, Megan, it is amazing. All we have to do is look around us and we can be reminded of how much we are blessed.
My recent post What do you want?

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