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What age is old?

jenna_and_stefWe’re riding home from Gulf Shores, Alabama. My teen daughter and niece have already fallen asleep in the back seat of the car. At 11 a.m. In bright sunlight. In uncomfortable positions. With the radio on.

Me? I couldn’t even stay asleep last night. At 2 a.m. In a dark room. In a comfortable bed. With the soothing ocean outside.

Does that mean I’m old?

And does how I define ‘old’ determine how I’ll continue to age?

In chapter 6 of Mindfulness, author Ellen Langer suggests that,

The regular and “irreversible” cycles of aging that we witness in the later stages of human life may be a product of certain assumptions about how one is supposed to grow old.

If we didn’t feel compelled to carry out these limited mindsets, we might have a greater chance of replacing years of decline with years of growth and purpose.

So do we jinx ourselves into feeling older than our years because of our preconceived notions? And if so, what can we do about it?

Langer implies one way to age better is to retain responsibility and control over things we can.

Watching someone else do things that we used to do ourselves leads us to feel that we are now incapable of doing them.

This is true even when the only reason for our inaction is outside ourselves (institutional policy, for example).

Other things to do include:

  • reversing memory loss by increasing motivation to remember
  • fighting against stereotypical “doddering old fool” and “poor little old lady” imagery by valuing traits such as wisdom and maturity
  • stop confusing old age and poor health

I don’t know that any of those will help me sleep more like a teenager, but maybe they can help me appreciate that I don’t have to.

Growing older doesn’t have to mean growing worse. I know plenty of older people who remain active, purposed, and healthy.

And I still have decades to go before I catch up with them.

I’m glad I am the age I am. Just old enough.

~   +   ~   +   ~   +   ~   +   ~   +   ~   +   ~   +   ~gulf-shores

Thanking God for these gifts of grace, # 409-418

~ weekend trip to the beach...laughing with teenagers
~ sweet memories...good health
~ being older...but not being the oldest
~ sleeping beside my man...under the sound of the ocean
~ knowing where I'm going at my final age...and Who will meet me there

* * *

Do you feel younger or older than your age?

Join in the conversation at The High Calling on mindful aging.

Comments (23)

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Beautifully written for us to glean some wisdom here, Lisa. Thanks so much for sharing.
1 reply · active 716 weeks ago
I’ll look forward to your return to blogging one day so we can gain your wisdom again!

I do wake up at least once, sometimes several times during the night, but thankfully I can usually get back to sleep fairly soon. Sometimes turning the radio on softly helps.

I've thought about some of these things with my m-i-l. It's easy to want to rush in to help, but sometimes that causes her to feel like she can't do anything. Or at least she used to -- now she's getting to where she wants people to do things for her she could do herself because of the effort it takes on her part. Hard to know sometimes when to "do" for her and when to encourage her to do.

I think the concept of retirement at 65 makes a lot of people feel older than they are, too. Some people still have a lot of strength and vigor then, and even when strength ebbs there is much wisdom to glean from.

Good thoughts!
My recent post The Week In Words
1 reply · active 716 weeks ago
It definitely is hard to find that right balance between letting older people do for themselves and doing for them. It can feel rude to not jump in and take over when you know you can do something much easier. But it’s not always the right thing to do.

It’s kind of funny that my oldest daughter is already treating me like an old person sometimes. If I start to lift something heavy, she insists on getting it for me or she’ll encourage me to go to bed early when we’re together, etc. I know she’s being polite, and I do appreciate that, but I’m not that old yet! Ha.
I needed this.
My recent post A Day In October
1 reply · active 716 weeks ago
Praying for you often, Stephani. You are such a blessing to spend so much time with your parents.
I love reading your posts and listening to what you've gleaned from these chapters. This one is changing me. Helen's example just flooded my heart with joy. I'm determined to not stop growing. I just need to convince my body :)>
My recent post Playdates with God: God's Surprises
1 reply · active 716 weeks ago
I’m trying to convince my body too. It’s not wanting to play along. ;-)

I admire the “Helen”s in my life too. My friend Adelle traveled alone from coast to coast well into her 90s, making friends all along the way. When I grow up I want to be like her.
I feel younger than my age, my actions back it up I'm sure. I'm one of those people who regardless of old injuries and time, I still feel like my best days are ahead. You and I are just coming of age to be of great use in God's economy I think. I appreciate the inspiration and reflection, we're on the same page.
What's a few sleepless nights?
My recent post WE AIN’T LEAVIN’ TILL WE’RE HEAVIN’!
1 reply · active 716 weeks ago
That’s great, Floyd. I’m sure your attitude contributes a lot to your abilities to feel younger. I need to work on mine. ;-) You are an encouragement to me.

I think we need to learn to value the good things that come with age but not lose the good things from before. For example, we get more experienced and have more to share with younger people, but we don't have to act like we know it all. So we can have wisdom but we need to stay humble, we don't know it all, no matter how old we are.
We also need to stay cheerful and enjoy life, every moment of it.
My recent post The consequences of a miracle
1 reply · active 716 weeks ago
Great examples, Cris, of specific things we can keep—and continue to add humility to the mix. I know how hard it is for young people to accept advice from older people when they come across as know-it-alls. Who wants to listen to that? Even if they DO know more. ha.
Loving these photos of beautiful Gulf Shores, we used to vacation there years ago...so many good memories! Loving also, your thoughts and gratitudes.
My recent post Still learning…
1 reply · active 716 weeks ago
This was only my second visit to Gulf Shores (and the first was this year.). It is very beautiful. We’ll have to see about vacationing there more often. Glad this brought back good memories from your times there!
Lisa,
Another post just in time. Thank you. I love you, friend!
My recent post Monday Facts~A Photo Only a Feminist Would Hate
1 reply · active 716 weeks ago
Good! Love you too, Trisha.
Wonderful post ....I want to think that I am younger but these bones say a little over 29 :>)
My recent post The beauty in the early monring
1 reply · active 716 weeks ago
A little over 29 isn’t too bad, Glenna. My bones are in agreement with you. ;-)
Lisa, lovely post and blog. Blessings.
My recent post NORMALIZE TRAUMA
So glad you're joining us for this book. It really has changed my way of seeing, and my practice. I decided I would not "wither into old age," and began many new endeavors after first reading it a few years back.
1 reply · active 716 weeks ago
That is very encouraging to hear, L.L. I can think of a few attitudes I need to change already. I have in-laws in their early 70s who are prime examples of how to age well; I need to follow their example more closely.

Fascinating! We bought a minivan when it was only cool to get SUV's, but i told myself, "The car doesn't define the person, the person defines the car," and surprisingly, this little phrase stuck in my heart, too. I've never worried about it. Maybe same is true of age? I love this post. I so want to grow old gracefully, not in the physical sense, but releasing youth joyfully and peacefully rather than clawing to hold on.
My recent post To Drink the Cup
1 reply · active 716 weeks ago
You have a great attitude, Ashley. Yes, I think it should carry over into aging as well! I’ve never been one to care much about what I drove or how I decorate my house or if I have makeup on or not, so maybe I can carry that over into the aging issue as well. :-)

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