I’m afraid of being stupid

Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
Matthew 6:26

I’m afraid of being stupid.
Which is illogical.
Because I already am stupid.

Here’s an example.

I’ve had back pain for almost 10 years now, especially at night, which contributes to insomnia that I’ve also had for several years. I’ve tried doctors and specialists. MRIs and body scans. Chiropractors and physical therapists. More doctors and more specialists. No relief. And it scares me to think it could get worse.

But you know what scares me more?
That there was an easy fix along the way, and I didn’t see it.

I’m afraid to think I missed it.

It’s taken me awhile to root out this fear.
This fear of stupidity.
This fear of missing out on something better because I’m not seeing something simple.

• I’m afraid Jenna will have a car wreck because I ignored a weird sound in the engine.
• I’m afraid a thief will break in because I forgot to lock the back door.
• I’m afraid my daughters will quit reading the Bible because I didn’t print out a daily reading plan.
• I’m afraid we’ll lose (more) money because I didn’t research the 401K options better.
• I’m afraid I’ll make a friend’s marriage problem worse because I didn’t think clearly enough about what advice to give.

All those things are possible.

But the most stupid thing of all?

I’m not trusting God enough to make up for my stupidity.

How stupid is that? There are a million things I overlook every day or intentionally let slide through laziness. Yet God has still taken excellent care of me, in spite of me.

• I have caught viruses because I ate after my kids.
• I’ve been charged a late fee because I forgot to pay a bill.
• I’ve gotten in fights with my husband because I refused to let go of my opinion.

All things that could have been avoided if I had been smarter.
But still, I was okay.

And even if I do an ultimate stupid thing—take a fatal step in front of a speeding car without looking both ways or ignore a serious illness manifesting in obvious signs—I’d still be okay in the end because God has already saved me. From myself. From my stupidity.

His grace covers stupidity, too.

It’s time to rest from anxiety about things I mess up, whether in or out of my control, and instead depend on God’s grace through more blunders I’m surely yet to make.

Fearing stupidity distracts me from my true purpose: depending on God.

My fear of being unprepared when I could have been prepared isn’t just a personality quirk or a weakness—it’s pride. And pride is sin.

Sure, I still desire and will work to be as smart as I can—I’m a daughter of the King and I want to use my mind as wisely as royalty should—but I don’t have to be afraid of messing things up, even though I will continue to mess things up.

Because Someone much smarter than me is watching my steps even closer than I am. He can fix any mess I make. He already has.

God’s infinite knowledge is coupled with infinite love.
I’m not too stupid to understand that.

Lord,
Thank you for not requiring me to do everything right, but instead desiring that I trust that you do everything right.

I don’t need to know everything; I just need to know you.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 
Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Matthew 6:33-34

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Getting prepared for this study with Angie: