As usual, my back hurts. My hips hurt. My leg hurts.
And my heart hurts.
I was told that I’d probably feel a bit of relief when my mom died. My load would feel lighter, and knowing she would be pain-free would lessen my pain.
Well, in a sense, yes. Of course!
But, in another sense, no. It’s still too soon. Too fresh. My emotions are raw. I am missing the essence of her here. I am missing that I can’t take care of her anymore.
Although I am glad she no longer needs my care. Very glad. For her sake, I wish she could have gone to heaven before she ever became so helpless.
But for my sake, selfishly, I wish she was still here.
Instead, I’ll exchange my wishes for hope.
Hope for eternal reunions. Hope for a Savior’s comfort. Hope for days with no tears.
And hope for waking up to a day with no pain. Oh, the joy!
Thank you for giving me the gift of joy, through the gift of hope, through the gift of righteousness. For you alone I wait, for my hope is in you (Psalm 62:5).
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