I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.
Psalm 130:5,6
I shot questions at her. Rapidly. One on the heels of another they came.
After a few rounds, I picked up on her pattern of response:
I would ask—wham, wham, wham;
she would hesitate—pause, pause, pause;
I would breathe—wait, wait, wait;
she would answer—peace, peace, peace.
Rest came in the waiting.
We decided yesterday. We’d tossed around the thought before. But now it was time. Call in hospice. Again. This time for our mom.
Wasn’t it only 6 months ago, 6 short but very long months ago, that we did this? Yes. For our dad.
He had made that decision himself. He was ready. Mom cannot make that call herself. But I think she is ready just the same.
She has been waiting. For rest.
At first I was slightly annoyed by her pauses. Why wouldn’t this hospice nurse just answer flat-out? Why was she hesitating?
I can’t say for sure. But I think I know. I think she was waiting. Waiting for me to finish asking. Waiting for me to take a breath. Waiting for me to open to her answers.
Her answers, built in the pauses, weighted in the waiting, could then come in calmness. In peace. In rest.
Rest came in the waiting.
Waiting exposes us. Lays us wide open. Proclaims us vulnerable.
Can we rest there?
God is waiting—on us to finish asking; on us to take a breath; on us to open to his answers.
In His time, He answers.
Not because we rushed Him.
Not because He’s flustered.
Not because we’ve worn Him down.
But because He’s merciful in giving rest.
I, too, will wait.
And in the waiting, I will rest.
Rest comes in the waiting.
Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.
Psalm 25:5
* * *
At Holy Experience we’re talking about The Spiritual Practice of Rest. Would you please join us?
Series on REST:
Part 1: Reward in the rest
Part 2: Rest is in worship
8 comments:
What a powerful post, Lisa. I'm sorry that you are having this to go through again so soon...but grateful that He has brought you to a place of rest in the waiting. Praying for you, my friend.
I am praying for you Lisa. This has been such a hard season for you. I pray for God's peace, love and grace to cover you Mama right now. Much love to you my friend.
Oh Lisa....may He be your strength now....and praying God consumes your precious mom in the peace and rest that only He can give.
Thankful that programs like Hospice exist for times like this but so sorry that you are going through such a difficult valley.
Lisa, I am so very sorry that you are traveling this familiar road again. May our loving and merciful God uphold you as walk it.
I echo the sentiments of your other readers, praying for you and with you in spirit as you walk through these hard times.
Wow! Such a beautiful truth. Thank you.
Thank you for this... God is taking me on a long journey of resting in Him...the part that gets me the most is the waiting. I grow so frustrated and impatient way to easy!
Thanks for sharing your heart on rest!
Charissa
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