It’s good information that helps you understand that men need to know they’re respected and women need to know they’re loved. We’re designed that way. Eggerichs uses Ephesians 5:33 as his proof text.
Because I learned a lot from Love and Respect and from its accompanying seminar, I picked The Language of Love and Respect for my Thomas Nelson bloggers’ choice. I thought this book would be a helpful follow-up.
Not so much. But only because it’s very repetitive of the original book, Love and Respect. You could easily read this one as a stand-alone book without reading the first one. Or vice-versa. You’ll still get the gist pretty quickly.
For the record, I disagree with Eggerichs claim that communication is the number one marriage problem. I think it is selfishness. Which leads to bad communication and other nasty problems…]
Nonetheless, this book is still helpful. Eggerichs includes sample dialogue for how his C-H-A-I-R-S and C-O-U-P-L-E principles work together to kick you out of the Crazy Cycle and propel you into the Energizing Cycle.
He also includes many testimonies of real-life couples who have applied these principles with great results.
He helps you see that your spouse doesn’t cause you to be the way you are; he just reveals the way you are. Your response to your spouse is your own responsibility.
The most helpful one-liner for me is this:
When your spouse has those inevitable moments of pique, anger, or nastiness, you must still see your spouse as a goodwilled person.
Remembering that, and having that remembered about me, fends off a few arguments that often grow out of misunderstandings or too-sensitive feelings.
But Eggerichs’ bottom-line principle is his best:
Marriage is ultimately more about you and God than you and your spouse.
The greatest rewards of marriage come from living out your marriage as unto the Lord.
Should you read this book?
If you’ve already gotten these principles down pat, it won’t hurt to refresh them, but it probably won’t help much either.
But if you’re clueless about how men and women should relate to each other, do us all a favor and read it. And apply it. Not only will you be blessed, so will those around you.