Good advice (Nov 19 – Thanks)

November of Thanks 19 at 'Rebecca Writes' Guilt trips.
I didn’t learn how to give them from my mother. She didn’t do them; she was too busy fending them off from her own parents.

But somewhere along the way I learned how.

I put one on my own daughter last weekend and I feel really guilty. (Sorry, Morgan. I didn’t mean to. I know you know that I want you here for Thanksgiving. So why my extra words? Not necessary.)

I’ve since done two things:
1. Apologized to Morgan for my bad approach. (She’s faithful to forgive.)
2. Asked for advice from an older woman. (She’s faithful to provide.)

As is Sharon’s way (and she’s not MUCH older, btw), she gave me the advice I needed. Gently. But hard to swallow nonetheless.

What I heard was:

  • Lower your expectations.
  • Accept what you get.
  • Make your times together pleasant.

That doesn’t mean I’ll stop wanting more time with Morgan, or that if my words are fewer, then I’ll magically get my ‘fair share’ of time with her.

But it does mean that I’ll be a bit more content inside. And a lot more likable outside.

So I’m putting suitcases in the attic. They won’t be needed for future guilt trips.

While I’ll probably still travel occasionally (it takes me awhile to learn a lesson), hopefully the guilt trips will be fewer and far between. And I’ll realize it quicker to change course.

There are so many things I still have to learn. Each season of life brings new lessons.

But I’m thankful for special friends who have already walked the path before me, and who are willing to pass along what they’ve learned. May I be willing to listen and do it.

Listen to advice and accept instruction,
that you may gain wisdom in the future.
Proverbs 19:20

3 comments:

Deanna said...

Wonderful advice. Remind me of it again when I get there will you? :)

Debbie said...

Lisa, it is so good to have a teachable spirit. Too many Christians feel they know it all and are closed to listening to any advice, even if it's warranted. You have that teachable heart!

It is so good to do things out of love and not duty or that we will disappoint someone. Having family scattered makes holidays somewhat difficult because I cannot be with my immediate family very often. However, my husband's family is local. I enjoy them but really miss my dad and siblings too. They no longer try to guilt me into coming and when I am able we all enjoy each other more.

Hugs to you,
Debbie

Brenda said...

Thanks for this- when my sister said she wasn't coming for Thanksgiving this year, my response was, "Do you want me to slit my wrists?!" Um... yeah.... I was joking, but I could have probably responded better.

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