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I owe God an apology

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Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.
No one comes to the Father except through me.”

John 14:6

Dear God,
I owe you an apology.

I know I fussed at You all the way to the hospital about why You let some people go through the trials of Job when we clearly have been crying out to You for help on their behalf.

Not only do I not see the help, but I see even more struggles.

But when I got to the ER waiting room, I discovered there was something else You wanted me to do there. A different reason besides just accusing You of not helping.

It was because You had more work for me to do. And it wasn’t what I thought.

I’ve been thinking lately about Jesus being The Way. And since He travels in me, where I go, He goes.

So when I showed up in the waiting room, You showed up too.

Nobody else knew it. But You knew. You knew where You wanted to go. 

  • So I prayed for my friend and her pain.
  • And for the abnormally skinny girl that looked so unhealthy and so alone.
  • And for the teen girl in cleats with a broken arm from a softball game.
  • And for the older couple on the phone getting backup help for the flowers they were supposed to provide for a wedding on Friday but not now.
  • And for the well-dressed man from out of town with his daughter who had fallen ill on their trip.
  • And for the poor-looking young couple with their 2-year-old daughter, who I couldn’t imagine having insurance.

And for the middle-aged white woman who had been fussing at you 30 minutes earlier.

We all need You.

On my drive home (as I prayed for the driver of the truck weaving in front of me), I knew You still loved me. You weren’t upset that I had been upset. Because You know I still have to trust You, even when I don’t understand.

What choice do I have? You’re it. I know that.

You know what You’re doing. You do give help. I apologize for whining when I can’t see it.  

But I thank You for giving me the courage to keep talking to You anyway about what You’re doing and what You’re not doing. And for letting me always expect more.

Trusting You—especially when I can’t see You—is the most fearless thing I ever do.

Your grace has me so covered that I can’t see past You. May it always be so.

I walk in You. You are my path. You are enough, when I see You, and even when I don’t.

I love you, Father,
Lisa

Notice, he doesn’t say, “walk to him”—as if we were on our own, separated from him and needing somehow to get to him by way of our own obedience.

He says we’re to walk in him—to walk in Christ, in his strength.

Christ is big enough, wide enough, long enough, solid enough to be your path for now and eternity—your lifelong road and everlasting highway.
~ TULLIAN TCHIVIDJIAN, Jesus + Nothing = Everything

Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord,
so walk in him.
Colossians 2:6

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Comments (23)

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Lisa, you are tender, sensitive, and responsive to His Spirit.

I like that---not walking TO Him but IN Him. And with Him. Reminds me of John 1, when the guys asked, "Where are you going?" and Jesus responds, "Come, and you will see."
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1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
Yes. I've been participating with a group lately who is looking at the I AM statements of Jesus, and it amazes me that he doesn't only give direction, but he also IS the direction.
My recent post I owe God an apology
What a wonderful post. I too have apologized for my many shortcomings before my Father. The wisdom and humility in that Spirit is the light rays of Him in us. Only the blind of soul can't see what we see.

I'm certain our Father will keep this letter from you, you'll see it again one day... It will still be written in HIs heart...
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1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
Aw, that's a beautiful thought, Floyd. It makes me more aware that I should never be flippant in my conversations with God because they all matter to him; he's a much better listener than I am, and he cares and remembers. We are blessed.
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Love this!

"Trusting You—especially when I can’t see You—is the most fearless thing I ever do."

You just summed that up so perfectly. Great post. :D
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1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
Thanks, Kristine.
My recent post I owe God an apology
I must say sorry to Him every night and He certainly gave me a different road to walk to the one i would be walking, now i trust Him completely but i had to become like Job to do it and i know it wasn't the best way. Lovely message, sweet reminder.
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1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
It's probably a good thing he doesn't reveal to us the road we'll ultimately be walking, but just takes us there by the hand when it's time. We might fight him too much otherwise. I've been down many of those "different roads" too. Learning to trust isn't always easy for me, but I know it's always best. Thanks for sharing.
My recent post I owe God an apology
I've had to apologize to Him many times for similar things. How gracious He is to us. I'm glad He deals with us as a patient Father with children.

I like that distinction between walking to Him and in Him.
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1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
I'm glad he doesn't put limits on how many times he forgives us. I'd have already used mine up. ;-)
My recent post I owe God an apology
I love what you said 'where I go, He goes'. Never thought of it that way before. And I've sure done my share of whining and complaining, too! lol
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1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
I probably would have made a good Israelite wandering and complaining in the wilderness. ha. I really do try to keep it to a minimum but it's not always easy. May the Spirit keep transforming us all into his image.
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I loved reading this post. It's so transparent, poignant.
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1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
It's the kind of post that I think, "Should I really post this?" ha. Thanks, Nikki.
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My post disappeared??? I wrote it earlier today. Oh well, grace.... I really love your post. Trusting God is the hardest and most fearless thing.
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1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
Sorry your post disappeared. I had trouble leaving comments on other blogs yesterday myself. Who can explain the internet? ha

God's grace. Yes. It's the best gift we've ever been given, and trusting Him in it is the most courageous thing we do.
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Love that distinction between walking "in" him and walking "to" him. Your letter was fantastic; I could identify with it completely.
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1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
I'm glad you could relate too, Courtney. There's always something to apologize for, and God is always so gracious to forgive.
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I am a visual learner -and, just wow - I love this: "And since He travels in me, where I go, He goes" - and then you provide such a wonderful example about praying for each person in the ER - oh, friend - how I love this!
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1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
I'm such a visual learner too. It helps me to have a tangible image, and even though I still can't "see" Christ traveling in me, it's real enough to make a difference for me. Glad it helped you too!
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Profound...and I so wish we could stay there, don't you? To stay in His greater purpose.
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1 reply · active 686 weeks ago
Yes, I definitely wish I could stay here longer, lingering in the awareness of his presence, instead of it drifting in and out of my consciousness... When we're actually face-to-face for eternity, it will be so incredible.
My recent post I owe God an apology

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