I am hungry.
Not for food.
But for time.
Taking care of my dad during his illness was an urgent thing, a temporary thing.
Taking care of my mom during hers is also critical, but it’s long-term.
So I and my family sacrifice: our time, our energy, our emotion. It’s our privilege and our honor, please know.
But it’s uncomfortable… I’m struggling… with the ugliness in me.
* * *
He fasted for me, Bryan did. And for my baby. Jeff and I were waiting for amniocentesis results. We were scared. It was 16 years ago, and I still remember his sacrifice.
How much more does the Lord remember our sacrifices, when they’re from pure motives?
I came late to fasting myself. It wasn’t something we did among my church growing up. It was one of those “not anymore” things, like anointing with oil or laying on of hands.
So when I first decided to try it, it was a novelty.
And it was a surprise.
It was easier than I anticipated. And it brought bigger blessings than I expected.
So why do I fast so rarely? Why do I only pull it out as china on a special occasion because it won’t go in the dishwasher?
Maybe because it still intimidates me. It’s not easy.
It’s the big gun for me.
Right now my whole life feels like a mini-fast. A period of self-denial. An abstaining from normal things for a higher purpose. A practical one and a spiritual one. Caring for my mom out of love for her. And love for Him.
Richard Foster taught me much about fasting in Celebration of Discipline. It’s a discipline of loving the Blesser more than the blessing.
More than other disciplines, this one reveals what controls me, what sustains me, what blessings I crave more than I crave the Blesser.
Is it food?
I want a desperate dependence on Him above all.
Not a dependence for the good life he gives. But for Him.
Let my deepest hunger be for you, Lord.
I want this fast from my ordinary life to lead me to a
greater place of feasting.
To let him cut out junk deep inside me and to infuse Himself in even deeper places.
Strip me down, Lord,
down to my very essence,
so I can fully feast on you.
No superficial healing, please.
Fasting is feasting.
It leads to fullness.
Of the Giver Himself.
* * *
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