“Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti” – Book review

“Happiness and passion in marriage do not come from finding the right partner, but in being the right partner.”
~Bill and Pam Farrel

Waffles
Men are like waffles. They process life in boxes, preferably only one box at a time. When a man is at work, he is at work. When he is playing ball, he is playing ball.

Thus, they are usually good at solving problems  - they enter a box, size it up, formulate a solution, and move on.

Spaghetti
Women are like spaghetti. They process life connecting every thought and issue to every other thought and issue.  While a woman talks on the phone, she may also be preparing a meal, thinking about the driving schedule for her child’s soccer lessons, and sorting through the mail.

Thus, they are usually good at talking through many aspects of a situation at the same time – logical, emotional, relational, and spiritual. 

Now what?
The differences are real. So how are men and women supposed to get along? Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti attempts to sort it out.

The Farrels draw on their years of working with other couples to give examples of successful (and not so successful) relationships. They show how a woman can learn to respect a man’s boxes (TV screen, garage, basketball court, computer screen, Blackberry, bed …) and work with them. And how a man can learn to listen to a woman as she processes a flood of emotions, without judging her for them.

The differences are divided into chapters, such as:

• Ways of relaxing
• Communicating
• In the bedroom
• In conflict
• At work and home
• Parenting

Quite a dose of humor is infused in the book. Several times I laughed out loud as I recognized myself or my husband. Not every generalization fits every person, but enough do to make you smile.

While I didn’t learn many new things, I still benefited by hearing old things rephrased. And any information is worthwhile if it keeps a relationship growing in a healthy direction.

* * *

Excerpts

Questions women ask:

1. Am I more important than our money?
2. Are you being sincere?
3. Do you notice me?
4. Am I more important than your sleep?
5. Do you notice other women?

Questions men ask:

1. Is life with you going to be filled with admiration?
2. Is life with you going to be free from complications?
3. Is life with you going to be sexual?
4. Is life with you going to be cooperative?
5. Is life with you going to be lived in the present?

* * *

Consider these musings about the different ways men and women approach life.

Bathrooms:
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Arguments:
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Eating out:
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob, and John will each throw in $20.00, even though it’s only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

Offspring:
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends and favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.