I wish... but I am

Today,
I wish...I was in a long line at the courthouse, awaiting attempts at a driver’s permit.
I wish...I was breaking up fights in the back seat between three teenage girls.
I wish...I was scheduling more orthodontic appointments and haircuts and trips to Wal-Mart for shampoo and face stuff.
I wish...I was explaining trig problems and chemistry experiments.
I wish...I wish...I wish.

I’m very aware of what I am not doing today. I visit there now and again, especially today.
But I can’t live there.

So instead,
I am...staying in touch with our special Kazakhstan friend that shares Kali’s birthday.
I am...deciding on a book donation to the public library for teenage girls.
I am...writing a check to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.
I am...thanking God for two healthy, happy daughters I can talk with every day.
I am...brightening up the cemetery with fresh flowers and a happy balloon.

And later tonight, I will write my yearly letter to a little girl who hopefully can read my heart from her heavenly habitation. Then I’ll add it to my special book where I keep my Kali stuff, a collection that began before she was born, and will continue growing until we’re no longer apart.

How can one little baby that only lived an hour change a life so much? I don’t quite understand it. But I know it has. Her Daddy can explain it to me us, together, some long eternal day...

3 comments:

Kay said...

Reading this makes me stop to be very grateful for the fact that 'I am' doing or have done just about all the things on that list with Mackenzie this year -- but 'I wish' that she could have had the chance to be doing them at the same time with Kali. I think they would have been great friends...

I hope that you had a good day with your family - and that you're able to relax tonight and enjoy your pecan pie. :-)

Lisa said...

Yeah, I like to think that Mackenzie and Kali would have been good friends, too. They'll just have to keep that friendship on hold another 80+ years. ;-)

We did have a relaxing day--including eating a yummy greasy burger at Dub's. The pecan pie topped it off.

danielle said...

thats a good post. made me cry though...but your awesome aunt lisa. I believe it was harder than can ever be explained. I was too young to remember all the details...
i can't wait to meet my cousin! i bet she's awesome too. I love how we have the Hope of Heaven. All eternity. Thank goodness.

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