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When God won’t let go

At the very least, sleep is a good opportunity to entrust yourself, your entire self, to God’s care.

You’re trusting something when you lay down your body and, with it, the control of your conscious mind.

That moment when you consciously choose unconsciousness, and let yourself go, is a daily opportunity to relinquish control to a God who you have to trust.
~ Fred Sanders, The Theology of Sleep

But do I? Do I really trust Him?

I wasn’t sure last Friday night.

Jeff and I had been on a roll. Praying together for 16 days straight. By far a new record.  Almost halfway to our goal of 40 days.

But somewhere between 7 pm and 9 pm on Day 17, something changed. I’m still not sure what. Communication took a detour and feelings flared in the wrong direction. (Does that happen to you too?)

And we hadn’t yet prayed.

Now what?

Talk it out?
Sleep it away?
Or pray it option never before tried in the heat of the moment?

Honestly, I was ready to choose sleep. To “consciously choose unconsciousness, and let yourself go.” I sure couldn’t imagine praying with someone I was unhappy with at the moment.  

So I did the wrong thing. Face to the wall, I closed the eyes. Not in prayer with Jeff. Just alone in prayer with God.

But God wouldn’t let it go at that. Sleep wasn’t next on His agenda. Nor was a private night-time chat. Not yet.

So He worked through Jeff, who rolled towards me and asked if we were going to pray tonight.

I couldn’t turn God down. Or Jeff. So we prayed. And God worked.

And Day 17 of praying led to Night 17 of sleeping, entrusting myself, my entire self, to God’s care.

Counting more grace...

# 86....88
~ tally count of 19 days of praying
~ a husband determined to pray with me
~ a faithful God who knows how to move my heart

# 89....92
~ Wed nights’ driving-home-from-church discussions
~ retreats for teens
~ adults who lead them there
~ adults who pray with them there
# 93....100
~ open-toed shoes
~ March Madness; auto-scoring brackets
~ old songs; new songs
~ gleams in eyes
~ grown men saying “thank you” for brokenness
~ meeting the daughter’s future in-laws

# 101....104
~ singing acappella in my living room with 12 other believers
~ watching Sharon sign In Christ Alone
~ seeing light bulbs over Jenna’s head
~ hearing friends pray for Morgan & Fuller’s future marriage

* * *

Where have you seen God’s gifts of grace lately?


Cherie Hill said...

WOW this was an awesome post! I love your honesty and transparency! Through it you are an encouragement to others in their faith! Know that you are blessed to have a husband who believes and will pray with you!!! When Christ is the anchor, your storms will come, but they will not wreak as much havoc . . . He's immediately called upon to calm them! :) I'm so glad I found your blog. (through Heart Choices) I'll be stopping by more often for encouragement in my faith!
You've given me something to carry with me always,
"Pray it out!"

Lisa notes... said...

Thank you so much for your encouragement. Sometimes I waver about showing too much of the bad example that I can be! But thankfully it’s all about God’s grace anyway, not my performance.

Yes, I do feel very blessed to have a believing husband who’s willing to the extra mile to grow our faith. We definitely have to keep Christ as our anchor though; even in good marriages those storms can seem fierce.

Hazel said...

That's a healthy look on sleep to think about after neglecting the activity for weeks now. Glad to read that today, Lisa. I never realized it's another way to "relinquish control to a God who I have to trust."

Barbara H. said...

I never thought of sleep as an act of faith until my husband traveled a lot.

We do have "those moments" sometimes, but we have never tried that option. :-)

Unknown said...

Oh sweetheart you can SO trust Him! He will never let you down. Isn't He wonderful at bringing you and your husband together, and holding you together, through the tough times?

Rebecca said...

The quote about sleep really spoke to me. It made me consider that when I toss and turn at night that it's not necessarily a sleep issue but a trusting God issue.

elizabeth said...

Thanks for the hard honesty and the God's grace moment shared!

Monica Sharman said...

Oh, wow...
The two of you, such examples of obedience. And of God-followers who go His way when He doesn't let you go.
Thank you for this.

Katie said...

Oh wow, that could have been me turning to the wall. I have done that one to my husband. Sometimes I turn around and listen to God when I hear the promting, but other times I have let that hurt and anger consume me and refused. I am learning the grace path is ALWAYS a better road to take.

bekahcubed said...

Praise God for bringing reconciliation--and then sleep--as you prayed together!

Mrs. Gertha said...

Hi Lisa,

There's a Blog Award for you at:

Cora from Hidden Riches said...

I never thought of sleep as an act of faith either! Makes me feel a little guilty because I don't sleep well at all. I loved your post today. A commitment to prayer with your husband --- what could be better than that????? Of course, Saten would want to mess that up. This post meant a lot to me, and I really thank you for it!!!!


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